Cliff: Now, you know, we, uh, we meant to, but we just never really got around to it, there, Sam. You, uh, still think I'm a stud though, don't you?
Sam: Oh, yes, of course I do. More than ever, man, more than ever.
Cliff: Yeah.
Sam: You know, sometimes it takes, uh, it takes a bigger stud, not to have sex.
Cliff: What the hell does that mean?
Sam: I don't know, man. I'm just trying to help you. Work with me here, will you?
Cliff: Aw, Sammy, I'm such a failure. I feel so ashamed of myself.
Sam: No, no, don't do that, Cliff. You know, uh, lots of people don't have sex on dates. Hell, I've dated lots of women, never had sex with them.
Cliff: That's kind of hard to believe there, Sammy.
Sam: You're not working with me here, Cliff.

Sam: Let's, uh... Wait a second. I don't get something here. Now, if it's not your kid, how come Maggie's coming in here and calling you "Daddy"?
Cliff: Uh, that's easy. She's setting up a trap for me. All right, put yourself in the frame of mind of the female psyche. Now, she goes off, gets herself pregnant, looking for a husband, provider, best friend, lover. Okay? First name on top of her wish list.
Sam: ... Cliff Clavin?
Cliff: Bingo.

Sy Flembeck: Uh, hey, babe! Come on! Wait a minute! Wait a minute! What is it, huh?! What? What? The "Old MacDonald" melody? Hey, I could change that. Yeah, Sy Flembeck is nothing if he's not versatile. All right, just a minute. Okay, okay, okay, I got it. [to the tune of "Mary Had a Little Lamb"] Beer and pretzels, that's our game, that's our game That's our game Beer and pretzels, That's our game C-H-E-R-S. E! E! E-E!
Rebecca: Out.
Sy Flembeck: What's the matter, babe? You can't work with a man you're attracted to?
Rebecca: Oh, God! Out!
Sy Flembeck: I'll be home all night. The pay phone's just down the hall from my room.

Cliff: Maggie, uh, I'd like to talk to you in private for a few minutes. Do you mind, uh, stepping, uh, this way, here? Uh, Sammy, okay if we, uh, use your office there, buddy?
Sam: Promise me you won't go through my drawers?
Cliff: Yeah, okay, I won't.
Sam: That's what you said last time.
Cliff: How many times can I say "I'm sorry"?
[in Sam's office:]
Cliff: Here, have a seat there, Maggie. Maggie, Maggie, Maggie, Maggie Maggie there's, uh, so much I want to say to you... [opens drawer] and so much you want to say to me, and so... [picks up check book] Holy cow! For a guy who's always crying poverty, Sam Malone's doing pretty well for himself.

Rebecca: Guess what I kept seeing as I was driving into work just now.
Carla: The middle finger of every driver in Boston?

Rebecca: This is Cheers.
Sy Flembeck: Great. Where's the old 88's?
Rebecca: Oh, right over here. Listen, do you think you can write something for this place that's really gonna capture the spirit of Cheers? But you have to do it right away, because, you know, there's a lot of competition out there.
Sy Flembeck: Hey, let me ask you something. Why don't you put a little more pressure on me, 'cause I haven't had a stroke in about two months. Thank you.
Rebecca: Sorry.

Cliff: Oh! Oh, look at that! Here comes Maggie now. Yeah, well, I'd just better stand firm. I mean, nobody ties Cliff Clavin down, that's for sure. She can have me back, but, uh, no commitments. Mark my words. Hey there, baby. Remember me?
Margaret: I sure do, Cliff. Or should I say "Daddy"?

Cliff: Where is she?
Sam: She had to step out for a little while. Hey! Ha! I'll be damned! Let me be the first to congratulate you, Cliffie!
Cliff: Uh, thanks, Sam.
Norm: You dog, Cliffie!
Cliff: Yeah.
Norm: I got to say, man, I'm shocked.
Cliff: How come?
Norm: Well, you know, I mean, you always claimed that you and Margaret were, you know, doing it, but, you know, I never really, you know... I'm just surprised, is all, Cliff.

Cliff: Sammy, you know, l-l-l don't, uh, I don't think that's my baby.
Sam: Why not?
Cliff: Oh, well, let's just say that, uh, you know, sometimes studs know.
Sam: Remind me again how studs know.
Cliff: Well, you know, sometimes studs just choose to well, you know, wait it out.
Sam: Cliff, you... You never actually had sex with Maggie, did you?
Cliff: Well, that depends there, Sam. Define sex.
Sam: Oh.

Cliff: So, what do you think, Sam? I mean, I- I don't know if I'm ready to get married or not.
Sam: Well, you don't have to. It's not your kid. It's not your responsibility.
Cliff: Yeah, but, you know, I was out there in front of the guys braggin' about my sexual prowess.
Sam: Well, hell, they don't have to find out about this. You know it's none of their business.
Cliff: Well, yeah, but what do I tell them?
Sam: Tell them, uh, that you weighed the pros and cons, and at this point in your life, you don't feel like marriage is the right thing for you.
Cliff: Hey, that's great, Sammy, great.