Cliff: Well, I don't know, I should have expected it. I mean, the, uh, Clavins never fire blanks. We're breeders, spawners. My loins are brimming with vitality.
Frasier: Well, I'll never eat again. Anybody else?

Norm: Well, uh, what do you think Cliffie will have: a boy, a girl?
Carla: Is there a third choice?

Cliff: Hey, uh, listen, Sam, just to, uh, you know, set the record straight, just 'cause I didn't have sex with Margaret, uh, doesn't mean I haven't bagged my share of chicks.
Sam: No, I know that.
Cliff: I know you do. I'm a pretty sexy guy. You know, women sort of pick up on that.
Sam: Yeah.
Cliff: Want to know my secret? Don't wear any underwear. It's too restraining.
Sam: That's, that's super, man. Thank you. Thank you for sharing that.

Sy Flembeck: Hey, babe! Your ship just came in! The muse has visited Sy Flembeck. Want to hear what she had to say?
Rebecca: Oh, boy, do l. You know, I just love the whole creative process. And I can be pretty creative myself.
Sy Flembeck: Oh, yeah? Well, then why don't you be Sy Flembeck and I'll be the annoying broad? How's that?
Rebecca: Go ahead. All right. "The Cheers Theme" by Sy Flembeck. [plays flourish] [to the tune of "Old MacDonald Had a Farm"] Beer and pretzels, that's our game C-H-E-R-S If you don't come here, that's a shame C-H-E-R-S With a C-C here, C-C there
Rebecca: No, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! What are you doing? That's all wrong! First of all, "Cheers" is spelled with two E's. Second, I paid you a lot of money to come up with an original tune.
Sy Flembeck: You don't need an original tune! You want something that'll bore a hole through the public's little pea brains.
Rebecca: But you are all hype and no substance! I was mesmerized by your show business savvy. You couldn't write a jingle to save your life.

Norm: What do you want to do tonight, Cliff?
Cliff: Eh, I don't know. What do you want to do?
Norm: I don't know.
Rebecca: You guys! You do this all day long for hours.
Cliff: Face it, Rebecca, we're bored. Nothing ever happens around here.
[Andy enters the bar with an explosive belt strapped to his chest]
Rebecca: [gasps] Oh, my God!
Norm: Hey, it's Andy Andy.
Rebecca: What, you know this person?
Cliff: Yeah. Former major felon. Once killed a waitress.
Andy: Where's Diane? I demand to see Diane!
Woody: Well, Miss Chambers hasn't worked here in five or six years.
Andy: Oh, really? Well... okay. [exits]
Cliff: So, what do you want to do?

Cliff: [on the phone] Well, well, well, so Maggie O'Keefe is back in town, huh? Couldn't get enough of the Old Clavin monster, I guess.
Paul: [to Norm] Who's- Who's Maggie O'Keefe?
Norm: That's Cliff's old girlfriend.
Paul: I'm sorry, Cliff's what?
Cliff: [on the phone] Oh, no, no, no, I've been thinking about you, too. What? Aw, come on, I can't say that in front of the guys. All right. I love you, too. [hangs up] That was Ma! Maggie's back in town!
Sam: So, how long has it been since you've seen Maggie?
Cliff: Oh, about six months. She, uh, skipped off to Canada for a while, you know, and according to Ma, she's back in town, wants to see me. I guess she's just looking for a booster shot of "vitamin CC."

Rebecca: Well, I think that we should do some advertising. Maybe we should do a commercial on the radio, you know, a jingle, something real catchy.
Sam: No, I don't want to do a jingle. That's stupid.
Cliff: You know, Sammy's right there, Becs. What you want is a word-of-mouth campaign. I'd be happy to help, you know. I'll talk it up down at the old post office. Before you know it, this place will be wall-to-wall with letter carriers. Now, you think I'm entertaining? Multiply me by a hundred.
Guys: Jingle! Jingle! Jingle!

Sy Flembeck: So, it's curtains for me, huh? The old "Adios, Flembeck." I knew this day'd come. I gave this firm the best years of my life. It turns around and kicks me right in the old hemorrhoid hotel. Pardon my French, babe. Well, before I go, let me tell you something, Mr. Pimply-Faced Teenager Who's Running the Shop This Week. I wrote "Chocolate, chocolate, who ate my bar?" when you were still dangling from your mother's breast, you cheap S.O.B.!
Man: Sy, we've got a job for you.
Sy Flembeck: You didn't let me finish! You have to be that way, 'cause you're a leader! Leadership has its price, and I respect that, and I respect you! Does it show? The love, I mean?
Man: Well, here you go, Miss Howe. $200 worth of perfection.
Sy Flembeck: Yeah, well, let's go to my cubicle, babe. We'll throw some ideas at the wall and see if they stick.
Rebecca: [whispers] This is so exciting!

Rebecca: I'm sure you'll do a great job.
Sy Flembeck: Of course I will. Perhaps you heard my humble efforts for Fred's Tune-ups. [plays arpeggio flourish] [to "Old MacDonald Had a Farm"] Tune-ups, tune-ups, that's our game F-R-E-D-S If you don't come here, that's a shame F-R-E-D-S With an F-F here Everybody! F-F there
Frasier: Excuse me! Isn't that just "Old MacDonald's Farm"?
Sy Flembeck: When Old MacDonald pays me 200 bucks, it'll be "Old MacDonald's Farm."

Margaret: How is he?
Sam: Oh, I'm sure he's fine. Hey, how's he doing there, Fras?
Frasier: Oh, better, I think. Carla volunteered to bathe his face with cold water and was doing fine until the seat came down on his head.