Sam: Oh, come on. [as Brian] Oh, come on, please, Diane. Don't be mad at me. Please?
Diane: Well-
Sam: Please?
Diane: I guess I'm overreacting.
Sam: Oh, good, then how about a little kiss?
Diane: OK.
Sam: And put some tongue in it.

Diane: Coach, that is the most romantic thing I have ever heard in this bar.
Coach: Thank you, Diane.
Sam: Whoa. Wait a minute. What about when I invited you to my nude limbo party?
Diane: Christmas Eve was a bad time for it, Sam.
Sam: Ah. Maybe so.

Norm: Trouble is, you're a little outnumbered over there, Coach.
Cliff: [stands up] Yeah, Coach, I think you need somebody to run interference with her young friend.
Coach: You're absolutely right, Cliffie. Sam, would you go over there with me?
Cliff: Yeah, Sam would have been my pick. [sits down again]

Sam: No, she just looks a little too tame for me, that's all. Coach, you gotta look at it from my point of view. I mean, I only have so many nights.
Norm: And I'd trade all of mine for one of yours.
Diane: No, you wouldn't.
Norm: Oh, yes. I'd throw in my left lung, too.

Sam: Coach, I'm going to tell you what you used to tell me when I was nervous and going out to the mound in the late innings.
Coach: What?
Sam: Blow it and I don't know you.
Coach: Boy, I should have written some of those things down.

Sam: Good evening, ladies. Hi. My name's Sam Malone and this is my friend, Ernie Pantusso. You can call him Coach.
Coach: We were wondering if you ladies could settle a bet for us. Are you two sisters? [they laugh]
Irene: My name's Irene Blanchard and this is my daughter, Sue Blanchard.
Sam: Hi. How are you?
Coach: It's a pleasure to meet you.
Sam: Listen, we don't mean to intrude here. Are you girls waiting for your husbands?
Irene: No, neither of us is married.
Coach: Well, I'll see what I can do about that.

Sam: Yes, that is a player piano.
Coach: Would you like to see it?
Irene: Yes, I haven't seen one since I was a teenager.
Coach: When was that, last summer?
Irene: Oh, Mr. Pantusso, you're a sly one. If I didn't know better, I'd think you were trying to steal my heart.
Coach: I'd rather have it given to me.

Coach: Sam, I'm not going too fast for you, am l?
Sam: No. I'm just waiting for an opening.
Coach: Opening? You could drive a truck through this one.

Sam: Well, here we are... Man, woman. Cool evening breeze, full moon. Need I say more?
Sue: Only if you want me to know what you're talking about.
Sam: Oh, sorry. That was my cute way of inviting you out to dinner and an evening of romance.
Sue: Well, that's a very tempting offer, but Mother and I haven't been out for, oh, months.
Sam: Well, I understand. Just my luck, huh? Well, I tell you, if you change your mind, there'll be a moonbeam with our name on it.
Irene: Excuse me, Sue. Ernie wants to take me to dinner at his favorite restaurant. I know you won't mind because you and I have had dinner together every night this week.
Diane: [laughs] Uh... Very funny book.

Sam: Excuse me. You did say you and Mom hadn't been out to dinner for months?
Sue: Uh-huh. Yes, I'm afraid I've been caught in a lie.
Sam: You were lying to get out of dating me?
Sue: Well, I'm sorry. I was only trying to let you down easy.
Sam: You were trying to let me down easy?
Sue: The fact of the matter, Mr. Malone, is that you're not my type.
Sam: I'm not your type?
Sue: You know, you're not adding a lot to this chat.
Sam: I'm not adding a lot to this chat!
Sue: Really, I'm sorry. What can I say? The initial attraction just isn't there. I'm sorry.
Sam: No. Hey, no problem. Are you kidding me? I was just inviting you out to help out my pal. The truth is, you're not my type either.
Sue: Well, fine, no harm done.
Sam: No, none. I mean, there's nothing going on. No magic, no spark, no reason to continue. [as Sue goes to leave] What are you doing tomorrow?
Sue: Uh, well, I'm not doing anything tomorrow, but what does it matter? I'm not interested in you.
Sam: Right. Yeah, we established that, right. Thursday? Friday? Saturday?
Sue: Hey! I don't want to go out with you!