Michael: Where is Dad?
Gob: I've got him stashed away somewhere safe now.
Michael: Get him, quickly, otherwise I'm gonna be stuck in here.
Gob: Good! I hope you rot in here!
Michael: What-
Gob: And guess what else? Dad kissed me.
Michael: How? He looked pretty unconscious in that picture.
Gob: I didn't say he was totally into it.

Narrator: And Lucille confronted Oscar.
Lucille: You told him you were his father?
Oscar: I did no such thing!
Lucille: You're high!
Oscar: You're drunk!
Lucille: Not this time. I've had enough of you. So say good-bye to these, because it's the last time- [test pattern]

Lindsay: Tobias back yet?
George Michael: No.
Lindsay: Oh, my God. He's really out with her.
George Michael: Are you drunk?
Lindsay: Not enough. I pushed him right into someone else's skanky, bony arms. Well, let me tell you something, George Michael. You have to grab love while you have it. Don't let it get away.
Maeby: Oh, there you are, George Michael.
Lindsay: Oh, Maeby, everything's fine. Your daddy's just out. Yeah, we're doing great. Mommy's gonna take a bath with a bottle of wine.
George Michael: I don't know if we're supposed to use-

Maeby: So get this. All the press actually made the premiere a hit. I mean, there's actually lines for the next show. Thanks, buddy. [kisses George Michael on the cheek] Hey, look at that. We didn't get swallowed up into hell.
[As George Michael chuckles and sits down on the couch, the living room floor caves in and pulls Maeby down next to him]
Narrator: And that's when George Michael finally got close to Maeby who, by the way, might not be his biological cousin. Just then, Gob came home to retrieve his father from where he'd stashed him.
Gob: Dad's gonna be crushed.
George Michael: You don't have to tell him!
Narrator: But Gob was referring to his own father who he had hidden under the house.
Gob: Uh-oh.

Michael: Hey, Gob. Where's Dad?
Gob: Great news. Dad wasn't crushed to death.
Michael: Was there risk of that?
Gob: Yes. Well, I handcuffed him under the house. But he got free- the pipes I chained him to weren't connected to anything.
Barry: Oh, I'm not prepared for this case.
Michael: Are you insane?
Gob: No "thank you" for trying?

Michael: Oh, I'm getting sick of you needing constant validation for screwing everything up. So let me tell you what's gonna happen. I'm gonna go take you in there with me right now and I'm going to tell them it was you in the stair car.
Gob: Well, let me tell you what's gonna happen. First, I'm gonna beat the crap out of you, then I'm gonna call an ambulance. Then knowing you, I'm gonna have to wait for some kind of an apology.

George Sr.: Hey! I said- I said enough! Now, stop it. I am so tired of this family fighting. The anger ends now. You're brothers, and brothers stick together no matter what. Families stick together. I have torn this family apart with my lies and my cowardice but that comes to an end now. So I'm turning myself in. I don't want you to come and visit me in prison this time. 'Cause you deserve Oscar now.