Michael: Dad is up on treason charges for building homes in Iraq.
Gob: It's a USO tour.
Michael: You're not going.
Gob: Yes, I am. And I'm doing my whole Christian magic act that my relig-y girlfriend helped me work out. I dress up like Jesus, walk on water, which you've seen. And I do the wine into water...
Michael: It's "water into wine."
Gob: Then I emptied out all your wine bottles and filled them with fake stuff for nothing.
Lindsay: Great, how am I supposed to have sex with my husband now?
Michael: Gob, we've got the depositions, okay? You're not going to Iraq.
Gob: You're just jealous that I am the son that the father has asked to do his work in the Holy Land.
Michael: So Dad is behind this.
Gob: And he won't bump me up to business class.

Narrator: Later that day, Tobias met with the prosecutor, Wayne Jarvis.
Tobias: "A flower in my garden, a mystery in my panties."
Wayne Jarvis: Again, this is not an audition for a CBS show.
Tobias: I was just looking for some feedback.
Wayne Jarvis: It was a little contrived. Now, we think we can offer you a good deal if you provide evidence that puts George Bluth behind bars.
Tobias: Well, I'll tell you what else is contrived, the odds that I would turn on my family for somebody who is not only trying to hurt them, but who wouldn't know good acting if it marched through the door and gave them headshots and decorative soaps.

Narrator: And Michael met with Wayne Jarvis.
Michael: I apologize for the rest of my family not being here. They wanted to testify, but they all have perfectly legal excuses. And I can assure you that no one is hiding.
Wayne Jarvis: Michael, your mother and your sister are not in a rehab center.
Michael: Where are they really?
Wayne Jarvis: We don't know. But we do know that the two people who checked into Shady Pines under the names Lucille Bluth and Lindsay Funke are not your relatives. Also, for someone in a coma, your brother Buster has made an impressive 15 phone calls to radio stations alternately requesting "I Will Survive" and what was the other one?
Cho: "She's Out Of My Life."
Wayne Jarvis: "She's Out Of My Life." As for your brother Gob in the USO-
Michael: Don't tell me he's not in Iraq.
Wayne Jarvis: Oh, no, he's there. In fact, Michael, he's on the news right now.

Narrator: Michael had been called to sign his brother out of the hospital.
Michael: Buster, you can stop pretending to be in a coma. We just heard your request on the way over.
Buster: I'm not faking it, Michael. I really am this expressionless. My love thinks I'm a coward just because I was using precious hospital resources to avoid my legal obligation.
Michael: That does say "coward."
Buster: Yeah.

Michael: We've got bigger problems.
George Michael: Gob is locked in a prison in Iraq.
Buster: What?
George Michael: So he's actually in an Iraqi prison?
Michael: No, it's U.S. run. God knows what they're doing to him.

Narrator: The depositions had been delayed, but the prosecution was about to get a Lord & Taylor bag full of evidence.
Detective Munch: We supply the glitter, the glue, the crepe paper and the ready-made template pages for you to decorate and fill out with "My Favorite Birthday," "Foreign Bank Statements," and of course, "Shh! Family Secrets."
Narrator: The scrapbooking sting had helped the D.A. gather evidence against people as diverse as Ken Lay, Oliver North, but ironically not Martha Stewart.
Detective Munch: So dig up whatever you can and remember, photocopies are not admissible as memories.
Tobias: Uh, sir, I'm going to have to go or our old family storage unit in Reseda.
Detective Munch: No problem. We can arrange for a helicopter to take you there right now.
Tobias: Wow, this is the best free scrapbooking class I've ever taken.

Narrator: Meanwhile, Lindsay and Lucille were at a spa in the desert avoiding both rehab and their depositions.
Lucille: [on the phone] Four saunas, three steam baths, Olympic sized pool and you're telling me there's no alcohol? What the hell are we supposed to do for two days.
Lindsay: I could take the top off this grape juice and maybe by morning-
Lucille: Oh, for God's sake, Lindsay, grow up. You're 40 years old.
Lindsay: Thirty-five. Well, maybe this will be nice. We can talk and connect a little.
Lucille: I must have a Xanax.
Lindsay: I'll go score some weed from the staff.

Narrator: And soon the Bluth boys found themselves in a strange land.
[Buster and the cab driver argue in Arabic]
Michael: What did he say? Where are we?
Buster: Well, he said he's taking surface streets to LAX because the freeway's backed up all the way to Knott's Berry Farm.

Narrator: George Michael meanwhile got ahold of Maeby's address book to invite all of her friends to her Sweet 16. He did however, decide against some guests he found threatening.
George Michael: I don't think Steve Holt has to come to this.
Narrator: And yet he did invite Mickey Rourke.

Narrator: And the guys finally did get to Iraq. But Buster's Arabic was a little rusty and instead of a cab he hired them the only rickshaw in Baghdad.
Buster: So you ready for Operation Hot Brother?
Michael: I'm not ready to call it that.