Janine: We can turn the library into a computer lab. Get a bunch of computers...
Ava: You mean computer. The "S" makes it expensive.
Janine: Fine. Computer for the library.
Barbara: We don't even have a librarian for the library.

Ava: Sounds like y'all got some different ideas about the grant money. We need to come up with a fair and responsible way to figure out what to do with the rest of that cash.
Melissa: Dear God.
Janine: Like what?
Ava: The only tried-and-true way that any sound financial decisions are made. Y'all ever seen Shark Tank? [hums Shark Tank theme]

Jacob: Ah! All dressep up for the big dip in the Shark Tank today?
Melissa: What? No. I got to go to court later for throwing a corn cob at Ben Simmons.
Jacob: Wait, so you're not gonna make a presentation?
Melissa: No! I'm not gonna humiliate myself, and I don't know anybody else who would, either.
Janine: I stayed up all night making my presentation.
Melissa: Of course you did.
Janine: I'm gonna win that grant money and turn Abbott into a crown jewel of the neighborhood.
Jacob: Crown jewel?
Janine: It'll be us and that corner store that still sells loosies.
Melissa: You know, in the end times, it's just gonna be cockroaches roaming the empty streets and Janine holding up a sign that says "Turn that frown upside down."

Jacob: Whoa, that was awkward. Hey, I hope whatever's going on with you and Taylor can be fixed.
Gregory: Unfortunately, I don't think so. I cannot do another dinner at a restaurant that does small plates with a unique flare.
Jacob: [scoffs] Small plates? Oh, you have to break up. Just call her right now, rip off the Band-Aid.

Mr. Johnson: You best not go hurtin' Barbara. You want my advice?
Gregory: No.
Mr. Johnson: Mail a certified letter telling her you got drafted.

Jacob: Or you could just let it peter out.
Gregory: What do you mean, peter out?
Jacob: You can't ghost. That's too harsh. But petering is gentle. It's nice. I've... I've done it a bunch of times. You just stop using exclamation points, okay? You start taking a few hours to respond, and then, you know, before you know it, it's been a few weeks since you've gotten a text that says, "Good morning, handsome."

Ava: Thanks for being here, Courtney. I think of you like a young me.
Courtney: I think of you like an old me.
Ava: This ain't A Star Is Born. I'll shut your tiny ass down.

Mr. Johnson: Let's get going. There's dust bunnies in the gym with my name on it.

Shanae: Hello, Sharks. You all know me as the Lunch Lady. 'Cause none of you had the decency to ask my name.
Ava: Yes, continue, Lunch Lady.
Shanae: My name is Shanae. And I'm looking for a 100% investment of the grant money for our kitchen. We need cutlery, a bunch of tongs, and hair nets, 'cause I know y'all are tired of stray hair in your food.
Mr. Johnson: I thought that was a new kind of soup.
Ava: Thank you for your presentation, but I don't see how any of this benefits me personally in any way, and for that reason, I am out.

Ava: Okay, who's next?
[After Mr. Johnson walks out in front of the panel, Ava turns to her right and sees he's no longer sitting next to her]
Ava: Oh, thank God. I thought you had some kind of twin janitor. That was freaky.
Mr. Johnson: Hello, Sharks. My name is Mr. Johnson, and I'm here to pitch you on janitorial work in the 21st century. Behold. [holds up The Cleaner Image magazine]
Ava: Okay.
Mr. Johnson: With 100% of that grant money, I could become the 007 of janitors, Agent 409.
[Ava and Courtney shake their heads]