Ava: Internet sucks today, right? [laughs] Not one scandal? Do better, Twitter. [marker squeaking] You teenagers today are so boring paying all that attention.

Jacob: Unlike Phase One Tony Stark, Malcolm X and Martin Luther King were both anti-capitalists. [Jacob nearly falls off his desk]
Student: You seem a little shaky, Mr. Hill. Are you good?
Jacob: Oh, yeah. I'm good. I am... totally fine.
[aside to camera:]
Jacob: Ava has been in my last three classes, okay? Either this is some time-intensive prank, or I am getting fired... for teaching Black history. [scoffs] I flew too close to the sun. Like an anti-racist Icarus.

Barbara: I mean, he absolutely likes you. Although I think that workplace romances are a terrible idea.
Ava: Yeah. That's why I never tried anything with him. Also, I have a boyfriend. But mostly Barb's reason.
Janine: So, wait. Everyone just... Just knows this?
Ava: Yeah, y'all the only two dummies that don't know that you like each other.
Janine: Whoa!
Barbara: But you do like him, right?
Ava: Despite you lack of swag, height, and good outfits, he thinks you're cute, but just don't do anything nasty on school grounds, because if I can't, then y'all can't.

Janine: I-I can't believe what I'm hearing. You know... 'Cause I-I-I can't like Gregory. 'Cause I like Maurice.
Barbara: Sweetheart, it is possible to like two people at the same time.
[aside to camera:]
Janine: This is wild. This cannot be a thing. You know, I am dating Gregory's friend Maurice, and Gregory's dating Amber. Plus, we work together. So, then what would happen? We see each other during the day and at night? We'd, you know, tell each other stuff and feel comfortable together? [chuckles] Like, share our deepest thoughts, and, you know... a life. It's gross, honestly. Just... blegh.

Ava: Zach, you can't be setting up all this in here! Somebody should really be monitoring what's allowed to go on at this campus.
Zach: Jacob has a free period, and I'm surprising him with a Valentine's Day lunch.
Ava: They get a free period? These teachers are lazy as hell! We were just about to dive into the rhetoric that MLK used in his "I Have a Dream" speech.
Zach: Wait. Are you in Jacob's class? As, like, a student?
Ava: No, I'm not a student, but thank you for noticing my youthful glow. Some people think I don't even have pores.

Zach: So, I have another surprise for you. [knock on door]
Jacob: Wait. Hold that thought. [to Ava] Um, okay. Please don't fire me. I can't get bad news while I'm eating. I have stress-induced IBS.

Jacob: Great to meet you!
Ayesha: [on video call] Yeah, nice to meet you, too.
Janine: [to Jacob] [laughs] I'm sorry. I should've turned the volume down. Her voice... It just carries, you know? [to Ayesha] So, any fun plans?
Ayesha: Uh, yeah, I might go out with some friends. They just got married, so...
Janine: [to Jacob] [chuckles] Ooh. TMI. You know? It's like, "Why are you telling me all of this? I am not your therapist." [sighs] [to Ayesha] Well, you know what? I hope you have a good one.
Ayesha: Yeah. Uh, thanks for calling.
Janine: Yeah. Okay.
Ayesha: Bye.
Janine: Bye. Bye. [call ends] Oh, my God. She is impossible to get off the phone with. Every call is like the length between Netflix seasons. It's like... I don't remember what happened on the last season of Stranger Things. That was 10 years ago.
Jacob: Yeah. I-I don't know. I think she seemed nice. I could see us really, you know, hitting it off.
Ayesha: And she just holds you captive and she won't let you get away and she just goes on and on and on. And right when you think it's over, she just keeps going. You know? And I have a story for you. You might want to sit down, 'cause this one has a lot of turns. So...

Janine: [singsong voice] Hello, everyone! [normal voice] So, I found this Valentine in my mailbox, and it's from "a secret admirer." Candy heart with my name on it. Is this from one of you guys? [all silent]
[aside to camera:]
Janine: My Valentine's Day plans? Well, Mo is coming by after school with a surprise gift. So I have no idea what to expect since I don't know him that well, but based on what I do know, he has easy access to shipping materials. And I always need tape, so...

Ava: [on the phone] Aww. Happy Valentine's Day to you, too, Iggy. Yeah, you might see me tonight. [a male parent walks into Ava's office] I already have car insurance! [Ava hides a picture of her with her boyfriend] Hey, Tristan.
[aside to camera:]
Ava: Tristan's a hot dad in the 91st percentile of hot dads. He's got a kid in Jacob's class, and he's handsome. He looks like men do before they have kids.
[back:]
Tristan: I'm here to complain.
Ava: Oh. [Ava turns the picture of her and her boyfriend around so Tristan can see] Please continue.

Janine: [aside to camera] So, this happens from time to time. Students form a real bond with teachers, which is understandable, but sometimes it get confused and turns into a little crush. Plus, I look like a giant kid, so they get confused even more.