Janine: Now, I know you said you were fine, but... [sings] ♪ You are my sunshine, my only sun... ♪ ♪ You're not Barbara ♪
Ava: [walks by] Barb took the day off.
Janine: What? Uh, is she okay? I mean, is everything alright? Is she mad at me?
Ava: Just because you got a round face like the Teletubbies sun baby doesn't mean that the world revolves around you.
Gregory: Where's Barbara?
Ava: Take that blazer off. You think you the principal or something? The hell happening 'round here?
Janine: Hey, Ava, what did Barbara say?
Ava: She said she needed some time to herself. I tried to send her to that spa I was at yesterday... They offer referral cash... But she said she wanted to "spend time with her husband." Good for her, though.
Janine: Wow, never thought I'd see the day. Wait a minute. You were at a spa?

Janine: [fire alarm wailing] I didn't know we were having a fire drill today. Was it on the schedule?
Gregory: I have it memorized, and no.
Janine: Oh.
Melissa: Single-file line, most flammable kids first, and remember... No running!

Barbara: Smoke and fire... The devil's fresh air. It was probably shoddy wiring.
Janine: Yeah.

Ava: Everybody out! This is a real fire in the teachers' lounge! This is a real fire! This is not a drill! Hootie-hoo!
Janine: Wait, Ava, where are you going?!
Ava: I'm protecting my peace. The firefighters are almost here. Y'all got it!

Janine: Jacob, you know I love you, I do. But did your cookies do this?
Jacob: No, these are no-bakes. It's better for the environment and your gut.
Melissa: What is wrong with you?
Barbara: Oh, disgusting.

Melissa: Okay, I can tell you, I didn't do this. Because as someone who wanted to be a firefighter, I hate fires. They sicken me. I want to fight them.

Captain Robinson: Looks like the fire was started by a candle and this nearby shawl. Classic case of flame meets fabric.
Janine: Wait, but that's Barbara's shawl and Barbara's candle. Oh, my God, someone's trying to use cashmere and Jesus to blackmail Barbara.
Melissa: You mean "frame".
Janine: Semantics.

Melissa: I still can't believe they brought a tractor drawn aerial. Yeah, that's... That's one big daddy.

Boy #1: We all behaved as kings and queens. I took my line-leader duties very seriously.
Melissa: Cool, cool. Okay, now, everyone, drop your bags. Zip those coats back up. We're going on an impromptu excursion.
Boy #2: What's an excursion?
Melissa: That's where youse all work those cute little puppy dog eyes to get the firefighters to let us play on the truck.
Students: Cool!
Melissa: Come on!
[aside to camera:]
Melissa: The fire department sent a TDA. That's industry speak for "tractor drawn aerial." And for me, that's top of the line. That's the one my uncle used to drive. The Schemmentis have a rich history in firefighting... also fighting fighting.

Melissa: Wow. Would you look at this big... hunk... of... metal. [a firefighter looks disappointed as Melissa walks by him] See, this is why I love fire trucks. I get older... They stay the same. Nothing beats fire engine red.