Tommy: Oh, man. The High Commander and the Lieutenant are incapacitated. You know what that means? The Information Officer takes over, and that's me. I'm in charge of the mission.
Harry: Permission to speak, High Commander.
Tommy: Permission granted.
Harry: Well, we might as well just take this mission, roll it up and stick it... [voice quavers] Incoming message from the Big Giant Head. "Your request to return home for emergency maintenance has been authorized."
Tommy: Yes!
Harry: "The time-space portal will open tomorrow evening between 8:51 and 8:53 P.M. Earth time. On your journey home, we will be showing Tin Cup, starring Kevin Costner and Rene Russo."
Tommy: Well, that settles it. We're going.
Harry: "The Big Giant Head looks forward to reading your comprehensive report on the history of human civilization."
Tommy: Oh, no.

Harry: Tommy, am I a Virgo or a Capricorn?
Tommy: I don't know. What's your birthday?
Harry: Does it matter? Because this horoscope right [voice quavers] here... Incoming message from the Big Giant Head!
Tommy: Hey, Dick, get in here!
Harry: To ensure better customer service, this transmission may be monitored.
Dick: What is it?
Harry: The Big Giant Head has received your Lieutenant's request for gender reassignment.
Dick: What?
Tommy: Wait, Sally sent that thing off, like, three years ago.
Harry: The Big Giant Head hereby approves your request. For your convenience, your Lieutenant's body will be switched with that of your High Commander.
Dick: Lieutenant, you get in here!
Harry: Prepare to exchange forms in 3, 2, 1... [Harry, Dick and Sally sneeze]

Dick: Oh, no where are my boobs?
Sally: I've got them!
Both: You're me!
Tommy: Dick?
Sally: What?
Harry & Tommy: Aah!
Dick: Oh, great.
Harry: What happened?
Tommy: The Big Giant Head just switched their bodies.
Dick: Wow.
Sally: Oh, my god! I'm gorgeous!

Sally: Oh, yes, the honking drives me mad with desire! Ah, you've noticed I have breasts. Good for you. [to Rico] Don left this in our bathroom.
Rico: Hey, Sally, you look nice.
Sally: Why, thank you. You've got me all hot now. I'd jump right into bed with you, but you'll have to get in line behind two construction workers, a mailman, and a twelve-year-old boy.
Rico: Sorry.
Don: Sally, he was just paying you an innocent compliment.
Sally: Well, I'm quite aware of how sexually attractive I am. I get it. Now let's move on.
Don: Sally, please, calm down.
Sally: What is that, some sort of menstruation crack? Well, I've got a news flash for you, Don Orville, and for all the men of Rutherford. Beneath this pretty package is a mind! Do you hear me? A mind!

Harry: Tommy, am I a Virgo or a Capricorn?
Tommy: I don't know. What's your birthday?
Harry: Does it matter? Because this horoscope right [voice quavers] here... Incoming message from the Big Giant Head!
Tommy: Hey, Dick, get in here!
Harry: To ensure better customer service, this transmission may be monitored.
Dick: What is it?
Harry: The Big Giant Head has received your Lieutenant's request for gender reassignment.
Dick: What?
Tommy: Wait, Sally sent that thing off, like, three years ago.
Harry: The Big Giant Head hereby approves your request. For your convenience, your Lieutenant's body will be switched with that of your High Commander.
Dick: Lieutenant, you get in here!
Harry: Prepare to exchange forms in 3, 2, 1... [Harry, Dick and Sally sneeze]