Wendy: [o.s.] [screams]
Sally: [o.s.] Oh, Dick, it's horrible!
Dick: [o.s.] Push! Push!
Sally: [o.s.] Somebody help me!
[Sally runs out of the door]
Dick: When somebody tells you to push on a door, you don't pull, you push!
Wendy: [screams]
Dick: I'm coming.

Dick: My little baby's so precious. For you, the world holds so much, and I'll be right there, yes, taking your hand, leading the way on every step of your journey.
Wendy: Excuse me. Can I please bond with my baby?
Dick: In a minute. You're so adorable. And look at your eyes. You have big, beautiful eyes, don't you, Frank?
Man: All right, that's it. His name is Sam, and if you don't leave, I'm going to call the cops.
Dick: I know. Your daddy's a big meanie.
Man: Gimme the baby.
Dick: All right. Fine, fine.
Wendy: He's got your ears.
Man: Look, he's got your chin.
Dick: He's got my forceps marks.

Dick: Oh, Sally how can you ever complain about being the woman? What you're capable of is amazing. I have so much respect for your power, what you can do. You know, I never thought I would say this, but after seeing this awesome sight, it makes me want to be a girl.
Sally: Well, Dick, you throw like a girl, you cry like a girl, and you're paid like a girl, so you're not so far off.
Dick: Thanks.

Dick: My little Sally. Sometimes, I think of you as a little girl and that's why I order you to do things like get pregnant. But you know, you're growing up now, and, obviously, capable of making decisions on your own. I respect that.
Sally: You do?
Dick: No. I just don't want to get into another argument I can't win.
Sally: Wow. You're growing up, too.
Dick: Mm-hmm. Thank you.

Sally: What did you learn?
Dick: Well, I always thought that water was unbreakable.

All: Surprise!
Dick: Is it my birthday?
Mary: Everything isn't always about you, Dick. We came because we heard about Sally and we wanted to be there for her 100%, unlike some people.
Dick: Oh, yeah. Some people are bastards.

Don: Sally, can I talk to you for a moment, in private? Sally, it isn't easy growing up without a father in a town like Rutherford. What's the use of a bat and ball if there's no one there to throw a pitch? [gets down on one knee]
Sally: What are you doing?
Don: I want to be the father of your baby. [all gasp]
Sally: What baby?
Don: The baby you're having.
Sally: Oh, I'm not having a baby.

Don: Sally, I know you're pregnant.
Sally: I'm not pregnant.
Dick: She's not pregnant.
Mary: She's not pregnant?
Sally: No, I was pretending, but I'm not really.
Nina: She's not pregnant.
Mary: Oh, great. Then what the hell are we doing here?
Sally: I don't know.
Dick: Well, it certainly wasn't my idea!
Mary: Just when you think you're out, this family pulls you right back in!

Sally: Hey, Don.
Don: Yeah, Sally?
Sally: I just want you to know that what you just said was really touching.
Don: If you ever really do want to get preg-
Sally: Ain't gonna happen.
Don: I'm just saying!

Mrs. Dubcek: [to Pickles] I must say, you are one of the most interesting men I have ever met. So attentive and loving. What is it? Do you wanna go out? That's a sliding glass door! [thud]