Sally: Dick, I'm buying groceries. I need the car.
Dick: Well, you can have your fun later.
Sally: I'm so sick of this. You have to get me my own car.
Tommy: Yeah, Dick. Most families do have two cars.
Dick: Most families have a couch. Most families have a mother. Most families are related. If that's what you want, go move in with most families.
Harry: Well, not that I'm thinking about it, but where exactly do most families live?

Sally: Wait, wait, wait. Dick. So you just met her, and then...
Tommy: Did you, uh... Did you use...
Dick: Oh, yeah, yeah. A three-pack. Ribbed for her pleasure. But I turned them inside out.
Sally: Oh, God, you are so selfish.

Sally: Don't worry, Tommy. We'll get a car eventually. It was just our bad luck that we happened to get the one car salesman who gives his whole profession a bad name.

Dick: I guess this is what my life has become living vicariously through the gritty romance of others.
Mary: The Gates of Windemere?
Dick: Yeah. Sasha Reese is torn between two lovers, and every step she takes is a guilty yet sensuous delight.
Mary: That's junk.
Dick: How can you say that?
Mary: I'm telling you, I've read it. It's junk. Ooh. I saw the most romantic movie last night. Man, woman, bed, cake. It's a German art film. Very riveting. Once you figure out which character's male and which character's female.

Harry: Hey. What are you doing?
Dick: Oh, I'm off to see a movie at Cine Rutherford, and I refuse to pay those outrageous concession stand prices.
Tommy: Ah, where'd you get those?
Dick: Oh, I bought them last time I was at the movies.

Sally: Wait, Dick. I need wheels.
Dick: Fine. Buy a car.
Sally: Yes!
Dick: A used one. And be sure to listen to the car salesman. He's your friend, and he's there to help.

Harry: Well, aside from the overpowering stench of cat musk, this one's a cream puff.
Tommy: This one's pretty cool, too. Except for that spot on the seat. It's blood. I'm getting out of this vehicle.
Sally: Boys, the search is over. This is the most sensible car I have ever seen. This car makes me feel like something that's always been missing in my life can be solved with this long, beautiful machine.
Harry: It's kind of shaped like a banana.

Dick: That's why this is going to be so hard to say, but, Anita I don't think I can marry you.
Anita: You can't?
Dick: No. Although I know it would be the gentlemanly thing to do. I- I'm just not ready.
Anita: Oh, Dick. I just got through a really messy divorce, and I don't want to get married. I don't even want a relationship. So this is pretty much it.
Dick: Oh. What are you saying?
Anita: This is pretty much it.
Dick: Really?
Anita: Well, you know- I- I hope that you're okay with this.
Dick: Okay? I'm Jim Dandy! I had no idea this sort of random coupling existed. Outside the animal kingdom. Tell me, are there a lot of women who feel the way you do, and do you happen to have their phone numbers?

Mrs. Dubcek: Now add the 5 and carry the 2.
Sally: Got it. All right, Harry, I think I've finally worked it out. If we give bill our $1,300 down and get a payment of $70 a month...
Harry: Which we can afford.
Sally: Right. The car would be paid off in 2073.
Harry: It'll be an antique by then. We could make money on this car. Let's go find Dick's checkbook.

Dick: Hello, family! You'll never guess. I had sex again.
Sally: Oh, no. If you and Albright are back together, I'm just gonna frag us all.