Mary: How long are you guys going to be living here?
Harry: Well, why? You're not thinking about moving in, are ya?
Nina: Why is there laundry hanging in the hallway?
Dick: Because you don't put rayon in the dryer. [Nina opens officer door]
Tommy: [o.s.] Hey, I'm naked here!
Nina: All right. I'm taking a personal day.

Tommy: Wait. Anyone remember where these things go?
Sally: Well, we know the ugly one goes in the corner...
Dick: I mean, does it really matter? I mean they can sort it out later with the DNA.
Sally: Hi, Don! We found some babies!

Tommy: Don, those babies were completely disorganized.
Dick: Which is why we were alphabeticizing them.
Sally: Yeah. Come on, Don. Look me straight in the eye and tell me that you would not have done the same thing.
Don: Well, I- I guess I can see... No! Sally, I can only get you out of so many jams. Juggling newborns is against the law.
Sally: Are you sure?
Don: Juggling. Newborns.
Sally: So what are you gonna do, arrest me?
Don: Sally, I did arrest you.
Sally: Why?
Don: Juggling newborns. I get outta here!

Sally: A little adjust to our plans. It looks like we're stuck with Vicki, so, Dick, you're gonna have to take out the reporter.
Dick: Okay. Dinner and a movie, but I won't kiss him.
Sally: I meant kill him.
Dick: Kill him? Wha- I can't do that! It's wrong!
Sally: Do it! That's an order!
Dick: Oh, all right. Orders are orders. Yeah, I'll kill him. I'll kill him good! Can't I just give him my patented glare? It's really scary.
Sally: Kill him.
Dick: Yeah. Right.

Dick: Thank you for, uh, coming by. [Dick pours two glasses]
Ken Fretts: So you've got the inside story on this Dubcek baby?
Dick: Oh, we'll have plenty of time for that. [Dick puts a few drops of a liquid in one glass] But first I thought you might join me in a, uh... a glass of brandy.
Ken Fretts: No, thanks. I'm driving.
Dick: Oh, this is special driving brandy. Just try a sip.
[Dick places the saucer with the two glasses down and rotates it, before switching the glasses around, and rotating it again]
Dick: You look thirsty. Why don't you drink both?

Dick: So... tell me how you got started in journalism. [picks up an artefact]
Ken Fretts: Oh, I was working as a freelance photographer in Phoenix. Just so happened a movie was being shot. [Dick picks up a fire iron] It was one of the Baldwin brothers. It was- What's that?
Dick: This is a, uh, a poker. There's a fireplace in this office, and this poker is proof. Your story fascinates me. Which Baldwin brother was it?
Ken Fretts: I dunno. It wasn't the famous one, the one who married the blonde. Not the one who hit the photographer, thank god. [Dick grabs a length of a telephone cord] But I got a picture of him. Sold it to one of those slick magazines- [telephone falls] What the hell are you doing?!
Dick: Okay, scoop! I'm gonna level with you. You've gotta leave town.
Ken Fretts: What?!
Dick: Look, there's no time for games. Here is... $32 and a Chicken Delicious coupon. Don't look back.