Strudwick: Dick, what's going on?!
Dick: What do you mean?
Strudwick: What is your son doing with my daughter?
Dick: What are you talking about?
Strudwick: Well, apparently, they've been dating for three months.
Dick: That's impossible. Tommy's been dating some girl named Alissa for three months.
Strudwick: Alissa Strudwick, you idiot! My daughter!
Dick: What?! That hot little blond number's your daughter?!
Strudwick: How dare you describe her in that way?!

Dick: Oh, no. No, no! [Tommy and Alissa ignore Dick] Oh, no! No, no!
Tommy: What is it, Dick?
Dick: It's nothing. I can't talk about it. Oh, no!
Alissa: What?!
Dick: It's nothing you'd be interested in. It's just about the two of you, that's all.
Tommy: It's about us?
Alissa: What is it?
Dick: It's about what your father said about you. But, please, don't ask. I promised him I wouldn't say.
Tommy & Alissa: What?!

Dick: All right, here it is. Now, listen. Your father thinks the two of you should break up.
Alissa: What? Why?
Dick: Something about him not trusting you, you being too immature, you following in the footsteps of that aunt of yours that everybody hates.
Alissa: Aunt Ellie?
Dick: Mmm.
Alissa: Everybody loves Aunt Ellie.
Dick: Oh, well... there must be somebody in your family that everybody hates.
Alissa: Cousin Jeff?
Dick: That's the one. Cousin Jeff.

Hamilton Bell: Please, oh, please, gentlemen. Let's be civil.
Dick: Don't look at me, Ham. I'm just trying to be a good father.
Strudwick: I am a good father.
Dick: Oh, yeah? Then why did you insist that your daughter never see my son ever again?!
Strudwick: What are you talking about? I never said that.
Tommy: What?
Strudwick: I only said that he should mind his manners!
Tommy: Liar!
Dick: I might've been paraphrasing-
Tommy: I'll kill you!

Harry: Hey, are you and Don back together again?
Sally: No. Why would you think that?
Harry: Well, he's got his tongue in your ear.
Sally: Harry, Don and I have some issues to resolve, but we're gonna get together tonight and talk 'em out.
Tommy: Uh-huh. Wear somethin' nice.
Sally: Shut up!

Tommy: Does your dad hate me?
Alissa: No. He's just overprotective. Does your dad hate me?
Tommy: No. He loves you. He thinks you're great. And so do I. [they kiss]
Dick: [walks by] Get your lips off that Strudwick.
Tommy: That's really, that's just his way. That's how he is. He really likes you. Honestly.
Alissa: Are you sure?
Tommy: Yes! Absolutely. He's just... You know, he's, uh...
Dick: [o.s.] He's what?!
Tommy: He's a big fat jackass!
Dick: At least I'm not a Strudwick.