Dick: Aztec, Toltec, Toltec, Inca, Inuit, Bedouin, Indian, Sikh. [clears throat; speaks quickly:] Aztec, Toltec, Toltec, Inca, Inuit, Bedouin, Indian, Sikh. Aztec, Toltec, Toltec, Inca, Inuit, Bedouin, in--
Mary: What are you doing at my desk?
Dick: [normal voice] Anthropology, it's fascinating. Such a wealth of cultures. You know, up until now, I always thought that what you did was pointless and of no interest to anyone but yourself.
Mary: Well, it's certainly not as fascinating as physics. I mean, everybody loves math. Get away from my desk.

Dick: Nina, what is that thing on your head?
Nina: It's called a daku.
Mary: Oh, I think it's beautiful.
Nina: Thank you. It's authentic. It makes me feel connected to my ancestors.
Dick: Oh. So that's the traditional headdress of ancient secretaries?
Nina: No, of my African ancestors. In case you haven't noticed, I'm Black.

Dick: And, Dr. Albright, you are?
Mary: Could I be any whiter?
Dick: What? I'm sorry, all you people look alike to me.
Nina: Excuse me?
Mary: What was that?
Dick: Nothing, I just don't see why people have to divide up into these arbitrary subsets. I mean, skin color? Please. You may see color, but I see people.
Mary: Aren't we fortunate to have someone so enlightened? [Nina sighs] O pious one, show us the way.
Dick: This verges on sarcasm.

Dick: You see, Sally, dancing is all about attitude. Watch Harry.
Harry: See, I got that "hip-hop, street, don't care about nothin' 'cause I'm all of that and a side of fries" kind of attitude.
Dick: Right, whereas my attitude is more "got home from teaching physics and I'm wondering what's for dinner but I ain't gonna sweat it 'cause I ain't even from here."
Both: Hey! Ho, ho! Hey! Ho, ho! Although we dis 'em, we love this solar system.

Dick: Tommy, how was school?
Tommy: Awful. I lost my math book, and I couldn't convince anybody that I was Samoan.

Dick: Well, don't worry. The answer to all our problems is right here in this book. It's loaded with every possible genre of human. It's like a catalog. You can take your pick, whatever you want to be. So who do you want to join, hmm?
Tommy: They're too scrawny.
Dick: Mm-hmm. Them?
Harry: No, ugly flag.
Dick: Nah, too many gods.
Sally: I'm not putting that on my head.
Dick: Ah-ha! Here we go.
Tommy: Canadians. Yeah, right.

Caryn: Why are you suddenly so interested in what everybody is?
Dick: Well, because I have to know. It's important.
Caryn: No, it's not.
Dick: Yes, it is.
Caryn: No, it's not.
Dick: Yes, it is.
Caryn: No, it's not.
Dick: Yes, it is.
Caryn: No, it's not.

Dick: Here are your books. I read each one of them, and I'm just as confused as I ever was.
Mary: You read 15 books in one night?
Dick: Well, I took a couple of hours out to watch Japanese golf on cable.

Mary: Oops. You left this in my driveway.
Dick: What happened to it?
Mary: I backed over it five or six times. It was an accident. Do you have any idea how badly you embarrassed me last night?
Dick: Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a concertina in Ohio?!

Mary: What the hell was going on in your head?
Dick: Oh, I know what this is. Apparently, you don't like Italians as much as you claim.
Nina: Wait a minute, since when don't you like Italians?
Dick: Please, we're discussing prejudice here, something you know nothing about.
Nina: I'm Black.
Dick: Oh! Right, right. [writes on Post-it note] Nina is Black. [puts the Post-It on Nina's chest]