Nina: Well, if you think they're so stupid, I could take that Jiggly Pig off your hands right now.
Dick: Be my guest. Oh, and in that case, Merry Christmas and Happy Secretary's Day.
Nina: Thank you.

Coach: So, Solomon you feel any different now?
Tommy: Uh, yes, sir. Lots different. I have to admit, I wasn't quite sure what you were doing at first, but after 50 push-ups, I'm brimming. I'm brimming with school pride.
Coach: Is that fake pep?
Tommy: Yeah, it's pretty good, huh?
Coach: You just bought yourself another 50.
Tommy: I was just kidding.
Coach: 60. 70!

Dick: Hello, Tommy. You want winners?
Tommy: No, I can't. I have to go to school and wash jock straps. Oh, and, uh, my principal wants to see us tomorrow.
Dick: Because you've been washing jock straps on school property?
Tommy: No, it's because, apparently I don't have enough pep.
Dick: Did you try faking it?
Tommy: Yeah, of course.

Dick: You wouldn't happen to have one of those Jiggly Pigs, would you?
Sally: Oh, no, those are really hard to come by. Good thing you already have one.
Dick: No. No, I gave it to Nina. And I sort of miss it.
Sally: You just gave it away, Dick? Well, those Jiggly Pigs are worth, like, 40 bucks, if you can even find 'em.
Dick: They're that hard to get?
Sally: Yeah. Look.
Harry: Well, wait. We still got all these. Look. A frog, a cow, a tiger!
Dick: But we could have had the pig, and we don't. Now it's a collection without a pig, and it need not have been!
Sally: Who's fault is that, bonehead? Now Nina's laughing all the way to the bank.

Dick: Oh, my God. Look how many there are out there.
Sally: Some of them are really valuable. I mean, we nail the right one, we can make a fortune.
Harry: Whoa, they only made 200 of these cute little turtles with the Santa hats.
Sally: I will have you, Christmas turtle.

Dick: I need more of these!
Harry: Well, we already got, like, a dozen.
Dick: Yeah, but there's 119 that we don't have.
Sally: Hey, there's a 24-hour drug store in Parma Heights. Want to go?
Dick: Let's ride!
Sally: [to Harry] Don't even think about touching those. You're thinking about it.
Harry: [shouts at himself] Stop thinking about it!

Principal Greschner: Tommy, maybe you're not into sports. That's all right. Neither am I. Actually, one of my legs is shorter than the other. But spirit isn't about sports. It's about life, okay?
Dick: Excuse me. About what you just said, can I see your legs?
Principal Greschner: Tommy, I have an idea that I'm actually pretty excited about it.
Dick: Would that be corrective slippers?
Tommy: Doesn't it seem a little weird to you to force someone to be excited against their will?
Principal Greschner: All the other students are excited. You don't want to be the only one who's not.
Dick: Where do you find your pants? Is there a special store?
Principal Greschner: No! No, there's not.

Principal Greschner: Dr. Solomon, we confiscated this book from Tommy...
[Dick squeals as a Fuzzy Buddy falls out of the confiscated property box]
Principal Greschner: ...at a pep rally. Now, with my idea in place... [voice fades]
[Dick studies his "Fuzzy Buddies" collector's book]
Dick: Wh- What?
Principal Greschner: Do you agree?
Dick: Uh, uh, yes. Absolutely.
Tommy: What?! Are you kidding!
Dick: You will do whatever he says, and you will like it! Because no son of mine will undermine the authority of this hallowed institution by reading lurid trash like Advanced Calculus with this... [places Fuzzy Buddy in the book] obscenely over-thick bookmark. You will do exactly... [opens door] What? What's that you say? Excuse me. I'll be right there. What? Careful, now! You hellion! I'll be right there!

Harry: Dick, there's no food in the house.
Dick: Oh, I needed the money for the Fuzzy Buddies.
Harry: Look, you're probably going to say no, but can I slice one of these open, fry up the beans, have a little lunch?

Dick: I can't stop now. Not when I've come this far. Not when there's so much more to get!
Sally: Dick, they're our nest egg. We've got to sell them.
Dick: You'll get these fuzzy keepsakes from me when you pry them out of my cold, dead hands!