Sally: Humans are not perfect.
Dick: Well, that's a convenient excuse, isn't it?
Sally: You just can't admit when you're wrong.
Dick: Oh, please. It's not like I've never bonded with a life-form, Lieutenant.
Sally: Yes, yes, we know. You've bonded beautifully with creatures on nine different systems.
Harry: And those that wouldn't bond we ate.

Sally: Dick, what's wrong?
Dick: I don't know. There's an odd sensation moving through my body. [shouts] Who the hell does that stupid sack of fat think he is anyway?!
Harry: Dick?
Dick: I have a plan.
Sally: Remember, we're not allowed to liquefy humans.
Dick: Okay, I have another plan.

Tommy: Okay, that's it. I'm invoking a supreme directive. I'll need witnesses.
Dick: What is it?
Tommy: I want you to remember who you are.
Dick: I'm the High Commander.
Tommy: And what is the High Commander's oath?
Dick: As High Commander, I vow to handle all problems with strength and deliberation. I will strive to understand other life-forms. I will avoid aggression and make peace with all those who piss me off.

Dick: It's a perfect night for observing. It's warm, dark. The air is crystal clear.
Harry: Okay, they're in bed. [all strap on binoculars]
Dick: You know, I'm not satisfied watching the Mullers from afar. This isn't what humans do. Humans don't just observe each other. They interact. We should make contact with them.
Harry: Ohh! Here's something different.
Sally: You know, without their clothes, they seem kind of...
Dick: Gelatinous?
Sally: Yeah.
Harry: What is he looking for?
Dick: I'm not sure yet. Wait. Wait! Yes, this is it. I believe they're going to mate.
All: Aw!
Dick: Tommy, pay attention.
Tommy: Why? This is like sweating to the oldies without music.
Dick: This is important. Sex is how humans enrich their relationships and reaffirm the commitment they've made to each other. It's the most sacred, intimate part-
Sally: They're done.
Dick: What? Already? Thank you very much!

Harry: Oh, why am I doing this to myself? She probably doesn't even know I'm alive. No, she knows.

Frank: She says you're some big deal professor at the college.
Dick: Hardly. It's quantum astrophysics. A drugged monkey could do it. What about you?
Frank: I work the line at the ball bearing plant.
Dick: No, the Cincor plant?
Frank: Yeah.
Dick: Are you kidding? I love your bearings. What do you make? Thrust bearings or linear?
Frank: Actually, I do journal bearings.
Dick: Wow! Is that plain or rolling contact?
Frank: On a good day, both.
Dick: Man, the stories you must have.
Frank: A few, a few. You know, I thought you'd be more of an egghead.
Dick: No, all meat.

Sally: Watching television is amazing. I haven't had a thought in my head for three hours.
Harry: And that's just the tip of the iceberg.

Dick: Sally, you must learn to cook. How far do you think you're going to go with just a fabulous body and the intellect of a genius?
Sally: Look, the box had a picture of a chicken on it. I shaked it, I baked it. What else am I supposed to do with it?

Dick: We're not going to learn about humans by watching television. We have to mix ourselves among them, walk a mile in their pants.

Patty: Just once I'd like to see that man pick up a sock.
Sally: I'd like to see men put their dirty dishes in the sink.
Patty: I'd like to see them do laundry.
Sally: I'd like to see them crammed between two steel wheels and ground into a fine paste.
Patty: You know, I'd like to see that myself.
Sally: You let me know.