Dwight K. Schrute: Okay. You're a young hotshot from Stark Industries. You've just bought this company. Meredith is fired. It's a whole new regime. He's gotta pitch to you now.
Ryan: Okay. Stark Industries isn't real. I run Google. Larry and Sergey brought me in-
Jim: Great. Sounds awesome. Just have him pitch to you.
Michael Scott: Don't let us down.
Ryan: Will do. Won't do.

Michael Scott: Danny, listen, you have to understand that we are not normally like this. We just- We wanted to know your tricks.
Danny: What do you mean, my tricks? There's no tricks, man. I'm just a good salesman. You wanna copy that? You can't copy that!
Michael Scott: You are, you are, you are! Stop it, stop it. Stop. You are a good salesman. And because of that... I want you to work for me.
Danny: Sure. You seem like a fun, professional guy.
Michael Scott: So, you will?
Danny: No!

Michael Scott: Hold it, hold it. Hold on, hold on. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait. Wait. Danny, I want you to look at me. Do you want your life to be better...or to be worse or to stay the same?
Danny: Get out of my way.
Michael Scott: Answer the question. Do you want a better life, Danny?
Danny: I swear to God, I'm gonna hit you. I didn't mean that. I'm sorry. I'm not-it's just I'm very upset right now.
Michael Scott: I know, I know.
Danny: I'm very upset!
Michael Scott: Do you want more freedom, less freedom, or to stay the same?
Danny: More freedom.
Michael Scott: I can give you more money-there's your better life. I can let you come and go as you please-there's your freedom. As you already know, Dunder-Mifflin has the best service and the best prices, but you beat us anyway. Can you imagine how well you would do selling our stuff?

Jim: You hired him?
Michael Scott: Guys, let me ask you something. Do you want your life to be better or worse or stay the same?
All: Stay the same.
Michael Scott: Okay. Well...get ready, 'cause it's gonna get better.
Phyllis: It's not gonna get better; he's gonna steal all of our clients.
Michael Scott: No, no. Wrong. He would have stolen your clients, but you know what? He can't now. This guy used to steal sales from us; now, he's going to steal sales for us.
Dwight K. Schrute: Where's he gonna sit? I mean, there's no more seats.
Michael Scott: He doesn't need to sit, he's a traveling salesman. Look, I am not going to exclude good people from our staff simply because they are threatening to you. And unless you have a better argument than that, I suggest you leave.

Darryl: [plays keyboard and signs] Couldn't get outta bed today. Wish the alarm clock would go away.
Kevin: Oh, nice!
Andy: Holy crap. Are you kidding me? You just made that? That's amazing!
Darryl: Go ahead.
Andy: [singing] Which me am I gonna be today?
Darryl: [singing] Which me am I gonna be today?
Andy: I gotta closet full of mes. Am I gonna be the happy me?
Kevin: Or the me that stinks.
Andy: Oh, my gosh! We're almost out of time. How much for another half hour?
Darryl: Oh, don't worry about it.
Andy: Wait. Seriously?
Darryl: Yeah.
Andy: So we're just, like, jamming as friends?
Darryl: One, two, three, hit it.

Danny: Oh, you know...funny. Your wife and I went on a few dates.
Jim: Did ya?
Danny: Yeah. Way ,way, way back.
Jim: I'm just kidding. She told me about it.
Danny: Oh. She was not into me.
Jim: Oh.
Danny: Obviously. I don't even think she called me back.
Dwight K. Schrute: You snubbed her.
Jim: Dwight, please.
Dwight K. Schrute: Let me handle this, Jim. Drop the act, Cordray, okay? We all know that you probably thought that Pam was too "meh" or thin without being toned. But I wanna tell you something, she is one of the plain hearty women of Scranton that make this city great. And so what if she doesn't wear makeup? [Pam mouthing "I wear makeup"] We like her better that way! And you steal clients, don't you? Don't you!

Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, thief. You better check your things, people. In fact, where are my keys? Oh, there in my pocket. False alarm. Okay. ... So...you're gonna be workin' here?
Danny: Uh... I mean, yeah.
Dwight K. Schrute: Welcome aboard.
Danny: Thank you.
Jim: Hey, crazy, um, so, that's it? You're just- You're fine?
Dwight K. Schrute: It's after 5:00, Jim. I'm not gonna take this home. [shakes Danny's hand]

Michael Scott: This morning, Danny Cordray stole a sale from me. So what do I do? I go out and I steal Danny Cordray. The sale that mattered, I made. Boom. Funny thing about it, we don't even need him. We already have Packer on the road. Ccchhh! Crap. I forgot about Packer.