Angela: Have you seen this?
Pam: Parenting? Yeah. This is Cece's favorite magazine. She loves the pictures of babies.
Jim: She looks at it when she's on the potty, and she makes the faces.
Angela: Have you read it? Has an adult member of your family read this particular issue?
Pam: I flipped through it.
Angela: So you saw the article on the importance of taking frequent walks while you're pregnant?
Pam: Of course.
Jim: We know that.
Pam: Yeah.
Angela: I will be taking a morning walk and an afternoon walk. Would you like to join me?
Pam: That sounds nice.
Angela: Great.

Andy: Thanks for coming in guys.
Phyllis: You don't have to thank us for coming in. It's our job.
Andy: Well, I never got thanked for coming into a meeting and I always wanted to be so I'm gonna thank people.
Meredith: What's with the blanket?
Andy: This is what's under the blanket.
Oscar: We don't get it.
Andy: These are incentives. It's how we're gonna double growth. Now, you're probably all asking yourselves: "Well, how does this work?"
Pam: Seems like a basic reward system where you give us points, and then we redeem those points for prizes.
Andy: You're exactly right and you get a point.
Pam: Oh.

Andy: You think it has something to do with that incentive program?
Jim: Oh, one hundred percent. We all want to see you tattoo your ass.
Andy: Bah. I think people thought I was kidding when I said that.
Jim: Nah, you definitely weren't kidding. And that came across loud and clear. Oh, by the way, I want to hand this in.
Andy: Hundred and twenty points?
Jim: Yeah. Big sale. Don't worry about it though, I don't really care about the points. I would like a point receipt though.

Pam: Ready! [shows a clown vommitting with the text:] "I'm not as think as you drunk I am!" [applause]
Ryan: I like it, I like it!
Pam: [a red warning stamp reading:] "Do not resuscitate".

Pam: We were hoping you could do something like this...
Tattoo Artist: So, coming out of his butt is a...
Pam: Baby.
Tattoo Artist: Baby.
Pam: Yes.
Tattoo Artist: Yeah, no problem.
Andy: We should think about this. Does anyone have any better ideas?
Stanley: I like what we have.

Jim: Gettin' psyched up?
Andy: Yeah.
Jim: Andy, nobody really expects you to go through with this.
Andy: Tunes, what am I doing here? Why did Robert pick me? Confession, I don't know what I'm doing.
Jim: I mean, do you like it? You having fun? [Andy snorts] Tell you this, everybody else is having a lot of fun. And you did that.
Andy: My ass is only so big, I mean I can't do this everyday.
Jim: But I think it's big enough to buy you some time till your next great idea. Which, by the way, I can't wait for.
Andy: No one expects me to go through with this, right?
Jim: Absolutely not.

Andy: Do your worst!
Tattoo Artist: Uh, you can keep your pants on, actually. Just drop ‘em down a bit, that'd be great.
Andy: They are already off, my good sir.
Tattoo Artist: I'd really prefer they not be down.
Andy: Well, I think down's better. Sweating pretty heavily down there.

Pam: Do you think you could work from this? We made some small adjustments.
Tattoo Artist: Okay, you want me to-
Pam: Just a few adjustments
Tattoo Artist: Alright, let's begin.
Andy: This is where I grin and be-YOW OW!
Tattoo Artist: That was just the cotton swab.
Andy: Invest in softer cotton, sir. [tattooing begins] Ow! Oh! Oh-oh! [Crowd cheers]

Pam: Um, what should we talk about?
Angela: Well, we could talk about an ethical dilemma I'm having.
Pam: Oh yeah, sure. Um, I hope I can help.
Angela: A coworker of mine is drinking caffeine while pregnant, and I don't know if I should call social services about it.
Pam: Angela, that's pretty transparently me.
Angela: Maybe.
Pam: You know it's just herbal tea.
Angela: In mugs with trace amounts of coffee!
Pam: Yeah. I think you should call social services.
Angela: I already did.
Pam: You know, maybe we should just have our own pregnancies and not pretend like we're in this together.
Angela: Fine.
Pam: Fine.