Dwight K. Schrute: I keep various weaponry strategically placed around the office. I saved Jim's life with a can of pepper spray I had velcroed under my desk. People say, "Oh, it's dangerous to keep weapons in the home or the workplace." Well, I say it's better to be hurt by someone you know accidentally than by a stranger on purpose.

Michael Scott: Man became civilized for a reason. He decided that he liked to have warmth and clothing and television and hamburgers and to walk upright, and to have a soft futon at the end of the day. He didn't want to have to struggle to survive. I don't need the woods. I have a nice wood desk. I don't need fresh air because I have the freshest air around: A.C. And I don't need wide open spaces. Check it out. [turning monitor around to reveal desktop] I can also make it the sky.

Meredith: What is Jim thinking? It's a birthday. So what if there's a lot of them.
Kevin: Yeah, I work hard all day. I like knowing that there's going to be a break. Most days I just sit and wait for the break.
Stanley: I took an extra shot of insulin in preparation for this cake today. If I don't have some cake soon, I might die.
Oscar: Why don't you have an apple?
Stanley: Why don't you mind your business?

Dwight K. Schrute: Do I believe that Michael possesses the skills to survive in a hostile environment? Let's put it this way. No, I do not.

Michael Scott: I am totally alone right now with only my thoughts. I love it. I'm lovin' it. I can literally say anything I want. No one is going to hear me. [shouting] Wish I could've gone with Ryan on that cool retreat! Jan has plastic boobs! I havehemorrhoids! Doesn't even matter.

Michael Scott: Well, it is a little chillier than I had thought so I have fashioned my hat back into my pants. Several hours in, it's time for me to find some nourishment. Now, these woods are full of creatures that can sustain human life. Things like, uh, squirrels. A nice, juicy rabbit would be delicious.

Michael Scott: So, what did I miss?
Jim: Well, I tried to put all the birthdays together at once.
Michael Scott: Oh.
Jim: So, terrible idea.
Michael Scott: Yeah. Okay, I did that. Rookie mistake.
Jim: You did do it?
Michael Scott: Yeah. Just wait. Ten years, you'll figure it out.
Jim: Well, I don't think I'll be here in ten years, but-
Michael Scott: That's what I said. That's what she said!
Jim: That's what who says?
Michael Scott: I never know. I just say it. I say stuff like that, you know, to lighten the tension when things sort of get hard.
Jim: That's what she said.

Pam: Ryan invited some of the branch managers and Toby into the woods for a "get to know you" weekend. Michael wasn't invited. Apparently they already knew everything they needed to know about him.

Phyllis: Who went?
Toby: Me, Dan from Buffalo, Mark Chisholm, Jeff from Albany, and Ryan obviously. We had so many s'mores I finally had to say, "no more s'mores, no more s'mores."
[aside to camera:]
Toby: Ryan invited me to go on his wilderness adventure retreat. It was this amazing, beautiful-
Michael Scott: [tapping on the window] Hey, nobody cares. Nobody cares. I need that room at some point so just wrap it up.
Toby: Michael wasn't invited.

Jim: Oh, can't go today 'cause I'm donating blood.
Michael Scott: How often can you actually donate blood?
Jim: Is there a limit? I don't-
Michael Scott: Your body only has a certain amount.