Jim: So this year, for the first time ever, I got Pam in Secret Santa, and I got her this teapot, which I know she really wants, so she can make tea at her desk. But I'm also gonna stuff it with some inside jokes. Like, this is my high school yearbook photo. She saw it at the party, and it really makes her laugh. Not sure why. What else? This is a hot sauce packet. She put this on a hot dog a couple years ago because she thought it was ketchup. And it was really funny, so I kept the other two. This would take a little too long to explain, so I won't. And this is the card. Because Christmas is the time to tell people how you feel.

Jim: Do you remember what you said to me on my first day at work, just before you walked me over to my desk?
Pam: Yeah. "Enjoy this moment, because you're never going to go back to this time before you met your desk-mate Dwight."
Jim: And that's when I knew. You?
Pam: You came up to my desk and you said, "This might sound weird, and there's no reason for me to know this, but that mixed berry yogurt you're about to eat has expired."
Jim: That was the moment that you knew you liked me?
Pam: Yep.
Jim: Wow. Can we make it a different moment?
Pam: Nope.

Stanley: It might be easier if you take a deep breath, lift from the knees, and shove it up your butt.
[aside to camera:]
Stanley: I came up with a new thing this summer. I act like I'm telling someone how to do somethin'. I go on with a long description and then I say, "and shove it up your butt." [laughs] It's stupid, but it's my thing now.

Erin: Planking is one of those things where, eh, you either get it or you don't. And I don't. But I am so excited to be a part of it.

Andy: Hi, Robert? Can you come out here please? It's really important. Just wanted to clarify something. Some people here are under the misconception that some people may be considered, uh, let's say top-tier and others would be second-tier.
Robert: I never said that.
Andy: Thank you. Great.
Robert: I said winners and losers. Is that what you're talking about?
Andy: Oh, that, it might- That actually might be what I'm thinking of. Can you clarify that?
Robert: Let me tell you some things I find productive. Positive reinforcement. Negative reinforcement. Honesty. I'll tell you some things I find unproductive. Constantly worrying about where you stand based on inscrutable social clues. And then, inevitably re-framing it all in a reassuring way so that you can get to sleep at night. No, I do not believe in that at all. If I invited you to lunch, I think you're a winner. If I didn't, I don't. But I just met you all. Life is long, opinions change. Winners, prove me right. Losers, prove me wrong.