Jim: This is my biggest sale of the year. They love me over there, for some reason. I'm not really sure why, but I make one call over there every year, just to renew their account, and that one call ends up being 25% of my commission for the whole year, so I buy a mini bottle of champagne, celebrate a little. And this year I'm pushing recycled paper on them for one percent more. I know. I'm getting cocky. Right.

Michael Scott: Well, diversity, everybody, let's do it.

Michael Scott: It's diversity day, Jim. I wish every day was diversity day.

Michael Scott: How come Chris Rock can do a routine and everybody finds it hilarious and ground-breaking and then I go and do the exact same routine, same comedic timing, and people file a complaint to Corporate? Is it because I'm white and Chris is black?

Michael Scott: Kevin is a great guy. He's a great accountant. He is not much of an entertainer.

Kevin: Basically, there are two types of black people and black people are actually more racist because they hate the other type of black people. See, every time the one type wants to have a good time, then the other type comes in and makes a real mess.
Michael Scott: Okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. He's ruin- He's butchering it. Could you just let me- [as Chris Rock] Every time- Every time black people want to have a good time, some idiot ass-[beep] I take care of my kid!
Mr. Brown: Wait a second.
Michael Scott: They always want credit for something they supposed to do! What you want, a cookie?

Michael Scott: I don't think I can sign this.
Mr. Brown: Well, I can't leave until you do.
Michael Scott: Well, okay. It says here that I learned something and I knew all this stuff already, so I could- You know, I could sign something that says that I taught something, or that I helped you teach something, so- Pam! Where is she? Pam, could we change something on this?

Mr. Brown: We both know that I'm here because of the comments that you made.
Michael Scott: Here's the thing. This office, I think is very advanced in terms of racial awareness and it's probably more advanced than you're used to. That's probably throwing you off a little.
Mr. Brown: It's not throwing me. I need your signature.
Michael Scott: Okay, well, I know. You told me that several times.
Mr. Brown: But you're not listening to me. Yours is the only signature I need.
Michael Scott: Okay.
Mr. Brown: Those are my instructions from the Corporate offices to put you through this seminar for the comments that you made. The only reason I made copies for everyone was so that you wouldn't be embarrassed.
Michael Scott: Well, here I am thinking that you actually cared about diversity training. And you don't.

Michael Scott: "I pledge to always keep an open mind and an open heart." [rips paper up] I do believe in that part of the pledge that I just read. But a pledge, come on. Who are we, the Girl Scouts? No. Look the guy, Mr.
Brown he got us halfway there. He got us talking. Well, no. I got us talking. He got us nothing. He insulted us and he abandoned us. You call that diversity training? I don't. Were there any connections between any of us? Did anyone look each other in the eye? Was there any emotion going on? Where? No. Where was the heart? I didn't see any heart. Where was my Oprah moment? OK, get as much done as you can before lunch because, afterward, I'm going to have you all in tears.

Toby: We're not all going to sit in a circle Indian style, are we?
Michael Scott: Get out.
Toby: I'm sorry.
Michael Scott: No, this is not a joke. Okay? That was offensive and lame. So double offensive. This is an environment of welcoming and you should just get the hell out of here.