Mike: What's going on here?
Officer McCoy: You tell me. I hear your wife got a little rough with your son this morning.
Mike: What? Are you joking? You guys strippers or something?
Officer McCoy: No, I'm afraid not. We got a call from the hall monitor. He said that your son told him that his mother hit him with a beer bottle. [Mike exhales deeply]
Brick: Hi, Dad!

Mike: Guys, this is all a huge misunderstanding. It was an accident.
Officer McCoy: Relax, Mr. Heck. Just stay calm. When parents are stressed, lapses in judgment can occur.
Frankie: [v.o.] Tell me about it. We should never have let Brick anywhere near the first aid kit.
[flashback to Brick playing one band-aid on his arm, then another, then a patch of gauze, then tape, then a bandage]
Mike: It's tiny. It's not even a scratch. Here, Brick, unwrap it and show 'em.
Officer McCoy: Sir, we can't allow you to talk directly to your son.
Mike: What? Is this for real?

Frankie: [v.o.] Oh, it was for real, all right. It started with the bandage and then just snowballed from there. It didn't help that there was a new hall monitor at school.
[flashback:]
Mr. Seifried: Hey, buddy. What happened to your arm?
Brick: I'm not supposed to tell.
Mr. Seifried: What do you mean?
Brick: My mom says I'm not supposed to tell.
Mr. Seifried: Well, if something happened at home, you have to tell a grown-up.
Brick: Okay. My mom hit me with a beer bottle. She was mad, and my dad was mad, and I always get in the way.
Frankie: [v.o.] You can see how this sounded. Everyone could see how it sounded, except Brick. And once a teacher hears something like that, he's legally required to report it.

Mrs. Larimer: Officer McCoy, if I could please step in here? I have known this family for years...
Frankie: Years and years and years.
Mrs. Larimer: And although they don't help with fund-raisers...
Frankie: We work.
Mrs. Larimer: Or teacher appreciation day or the back-to-school picnic, they are a good family.
Officer McCoy: Well, since the principal feels so strongly about this, we'll release him back into your custody.
Frankie: [exhales] Thank you. Thank you so much. Okay. So we're all done here? Everything's cleared up?
Officer McCoy: Oh, no. You're in the system now. A social worker will be coming by your house to make an official evaluation.

Mike: No is good. Keep it brief. Keep it simple.
Brick: Okay. I'll just tell her whatever you tell me I should say.
Frankie: But...
Mike: Well, you wouldn't want her to think that we're coaching you.
Brick: But aren't you coaching me?
Frankie: What, this? No. [scoffs] This isn't coaching. No, we're just practicing. Okay, so to recap, if she asks you if we were coaching you, you would say...
Brick: Yes.
Frankie: Gosh, you know, I think you could say no for that question, too. What do you think?
Mike: I'm liking no as a go-to answer.
Brick: So you're telling me to lie? Okay.
Frankie: No, no, no. Nobody is telling you to lie. I think we're just bending the immediate truth just a teeny, teeny bit to get to the truth that is the true truth.

Frankie: You understand?
Brick: No.
Frankie: You don't?
Brick: I don't know. But you said no was my go-to answer. Can I go watch TV now?
Mike: [sighs] Sure.
Frankie: What do you think?
Mike: I hope he goes to a nice family.

Mr. Ehlert: All right, let's get this show on the road. Where's Frances?
Bob: Um, actually, she had some, uh, family issues. And I know she's lied in the past and said she had some family issues, but... this time she really does.

Frankie: It's so nice to have you here, really. It's very-
Mike: Yes, it's very nice.
Frankie: I'm sorry. Go ahead.
Mike: Oh, no, no. hat was your-
Frankie: No, I interrupted. It's my fault. Please, honey. You go.
Mike: Thank you, dear. It's just nice to have you here. [clears throat]
Frankie: It really is.

Frankie: Can I get you something to drink?
Ms. Barry: Oh, I'd love some herbal tea.
Frankie: Oh, no. I don't have herbal tea. I mean, I-I know it's good for you, but I just don't like it. I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I don't have herbal tea. [Sue cries]
Ms. Barry: Oh. Honestly, it's okay. Look, don't worry. It's- It's better if everyone just stays relaxed, okay? So I'm gonna need to speak with each member of the family individually.
Frankie: Great. That sounds great. We're not nervous. [laughs loudly]

Ms. Barry: Does your wife ever get angry?
[individually:]
Mike: Uh...
Sue: Uh...
Axl: Uh...
Frankie: Uh...