Bob: Action!
Mr. Ehlert: And down here, we got... Damn it. [cut]
Mr. Ehlert: And down here, we got What the hell is my hand doing? Doesn't feel natural. I don't know what to do with my damn hand. [cut]
Mr. Ehlert: And down here, we've got... That's not right, is it? Eh. And down- Oh, screw this! What are you lookin' at?! [cut]
Mr. Ehlert: Quiet! [cut]
Mr. Ehlert: Ehlert Motors, where your every need will be... [insect buzzing] Where your every need will... Ah...
[horn honks] This... [horn honks] This is your fault. The words you wrote are clumsy. They don't roll off the tongue. Um... Yeah, like this. What the hell is that?
Bob: "Vehicle"?
Mr. Ehlert: Yeah, that's fancy. I don't talk like that. [insect buzzes] Aah! Are you gonna help me, or are you gonna just stand there?

Mike: [doorbell rings] She's here.
[Sue runs into the sliding door]
Frankie: Oh! Oh! You see? It's clean! That's why I never wash the windows. Oh, are you okay? Oh, my God. Listen, you can't get a welt on your head. Not now. Okay, don't swell up, Sue. Don't swell.
Sue: What are we gonna do?
[later, the whole family is on the couch in front of the social worker. Sue is wearing a trapper hat]
Ms. Barry: It's very nice to meet you.
Frankie: It's very nice to meet you, too. Her head gets cold.

Ms. Barry: So how many hours a day would you say that you spend together as a family?
[individually:]
Frankie: Just about every chance we get. We love spending time together. We're together all the time.
Mike: Two.
Sue: [voice breaking] I-I don't know. What's--what's the right answer?
Axl: So what are foster families like? Are there any with, like, inground pools or...

Ms. Barry: Would you say that you drink alcohol on a regular basis?
[individually:]
Frankie: [chuckles] Oh, no, not at all. Hardly ever.
Mike: Three times a week. More if the Colts are losing.
Sue: I just love my family so much.
Axl: Are there any foster families available with cute teenage girls? 'Cause they wouldn't be considered my sisters, right?

Ms. Barry: And what do you do as a family for fun?
[individually:]
Frankie: Oh, uh, biking, canoeing, visiting ancient Native American historical sites and looking for arrowheads.
Mike: Watch TV.
Axl: Watch TV.
Sue: Watch TV? I don't know. Is that the right answer? [voice breaking] I just... I just love my family so much!

Ms. Barry: Okay. Brick is up next.
Frankie: [v.o.] Yep, our future was in his hands.
Ms. Barry: Brick, would you like to show me to your room?
Brick: Okay.
[As Brick leads Ms. Barry towards the dining room table, Frankie coughs]
Brick: Let me show you the room that I share with my brother. [gives Frankie a thumbs up]

Mr. Ehlert: It's Don Ehlert of Ehlert Motors. Need a vehicle? Got bad credit? We don't care. Come on down. We've got the lowest prices south of Canada. Follow the arrows! Follow the signs to Ehlert Motors.
Bob: Mr. Ehlert, you did it! You made it through the whole thing!
Mr. Ehlert: I did? Ha! I did! Well, let me see it. Play it back.
Mr. Ehlert: [on tape] It's Don Ehlert of Ehlert Motors...
Mr. Ehlert: What the hell is this? I don't look like that. You made me look old and bald and... old!
Bob: No.
Mr. Ehlert: In my old commercial, I was beautiful, Bob! What'd you do to me?
Bob: [stammers] Sir, well, you... [runs off]
Mr. Ehlert: Jackass.

Frankie: [v.o.] So the day of the social worker visit had arrived, and we all pulled together to make a good impression.
Axl: How do I look?
[Axl is wearing a Halloween knife through his head]
Frankie: Take that off. Damn it, Axl, take it off!
Axl: [chuckles] Don't hit me.
Frankie: Not funny, Axl. Not funny.

Brick: Ow!
Frankie: Oh, honey, I'm sorry. Are you all right?
Mike: Hey, guys, the truck's passing the Donahues'.
Brick: Mom hit me with a beer bottle.
Mike: What?
Frankie: Brick, don't tell people that. It sounds horrible. I was tossing it to Sue, and Brick got in the way. Let me see that. No, you're fine.
Mike: He's all right?
Frankie: Yeah. Barely even a scratch. He's not bleeding or anything. I'm sorry, honey.
Brick: Darn. I wanted a band-aid. Can I put a band-aid on anyway? I want to use the new Super Mario ones.
[whispers] Super Mario.

Mike: [on the phone] Well, I'm working, too. Besides, it's your turn. I went down to the school when Axl pantsed the band kids.
Sue: I did Sue and the squirrel attack.
Mike: Brick and the chalk-chewing.
Sue: Brick and the lying down in class. Brick and the beeping in class. Brick and the howling in class. Brick and the...
[cut to:]
Mike: Hi. I'm Brick Heck's dad. What did he do this time, forget his lunch? We're in kind of a hurry this morning.