Sue: Can I tell Axl? I wanna tell Axl! Axl! Axl! Orson got voted the 200th most livable city... not in America, but in Indiana... and there's gonna be a huge celebration and two bags of balloons!
Axl: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I got bigger news. Jackson Plumbing Supply liked my résumé, and they want me to interview with a Human Resources person for a position in sales.
Sue: Really?
Axl: Yeah, they said they're gonna call my assistant tomorrow to set it up.
Sue: Your assistant? You don't have a... Ohh! Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Axl: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! Sue, come on! Please! Be my assistant, my assistant sister... my assist-erant.
Sue: [sighs] Fine. But only this once, and I want to be senior assist-erant.
Axl: Done.

Bill: Hey, did you hear about Orson being 200th in the state of Indiana?
Mike: Mm.
Bill: I think what put 'em over the top is when Fountains hired that chef from the Terre Haute Correctional Facility. That guy's cooking, you can lock me up, throw away the key. [chuckles] Hey, listen, I wanted to let you know that Paula's not gonna be at the cow rededication.
Mike: Oh. Okay.
Bill: Yeah, we kinda hit a little bump. Well, it was a bigger bump, I guess. It's, uh... We're... We're separated.
Mike: Oh. I'm sorry to hear that.
Bill: Yeah. I mean, it's gonna be fine. Paula and I both wanted it. She thought I watched too much sports. And I thought she changed ever since she started painting landscapes.
Mike: Well, seems like you're handling it well.
Bill: Yeah, well, I mean, you know, we're not the f-first people this has happened to. Yeah.
Mike: All right, then.
Bill: Yeah. I'm not gonna lie to you... It's tough, you know? It's just not the way you thought your life was gonna go. You know, a lot of questions ahead. I mean, wh-what do we do at Christmas? Oh, God! [sobs]

Bill: [sighs] You know, nights are the hardest. Paula's been pulling away for quite some time.
Mike: You know what a game's good for? Getting your mind off of things that are bothering you.
Bill: You got a good one, Mike. I mean, Frankie's not like other women, you know? Every time I come over, she likes to talk.
Mike: Hmm. Well, she does like to talk.
Bill: Yeah, but not just small talk, you know? She's... She connects. She's funny. She's so funny.
Mike: Yeah, she can be pretty funny.
Bill: Mm. Totally. You know, people our age are starting to wind down, not Frankie. She's so... full of life.
Mike: Yeah, I guess she is.
Bill: I just appreciate there's no games. You know, you know where you stand. I had to find out my wife was unhappy from a subpoena server. That was... not easy. I mean, Frankie...

Frankie: 123, 124... What are you doing?
Mike: Nothing. Just looking at you.
Frankie: Why? Is there something on my face?
Mike: Nope. Just looking.
Frankie: [sighs] [scoffs] Seriously, what is with you? You're like one of those creepy paintings where the eyes follow you.
Mike: It's just... I realize I'm a lucky man. I'm lucky to have you.
Frankie: Okay, now you're being super weird.
Mike: What? Can't I just appreciate you? Can't I tell you that I think you're... neat?
[Frankie scoffs and takes Mike's beer]

Axl: Sue! [cellphone ringing] Ow! It's Jackson's Plumbing Supply!
Sue: [gasps] [answers phone] Axl Heck's line.
Vance: Hi, this is Vance McCollum from Jackson Plumbing Supply. I'm looking to speak to Axl Heck.
Sue: One moment, please.
Axl: [takes phone after three] Hey, Vance! It's Axl.
Vance: Axl, I've got some good news for you. Gus, the president of the company, would like you to come in and meet with him in person. So, we were hoping you could come by tomorrow at 2:00.
Sue: Yes!
Axl: [clears throat loudly] Sorry. [deep voice] Yes.
Vance: Great. We'll see you tomorrow at 2:00, then.
[Sue and Axl squeal and laugh after hangs up the phone]
Mike: I just wanted to say, you two, you're great kids, and I don't say that enough.

Debbie: And this is for Orson's 200th visitor today.
Courtney: What a great gift basket, right Deb?
Debbie: Such a great gift basket, Court.
Courtney: So, what's in it?
Debbie: Well, we've got a happy hour coupon from T.J. Schnauzer's, a free cleaning from Smile Superstars... upper teeth only.
Courtney: Ooh, and don't forget the free toddler cheer class from mine and Deb's new store, Sis-Boom-Buy! [giggles]
Debbie: We sell tiny cheer outfits for babies, because the sooner you start them cheering, the better chance they have of making varsity!
Courtney: Yeah! Now let's check in with Ron Donahue and see how close we are to finding a winner.
Both: Where are we at, Ron?
Ron: 177! It was a Kentucky license plate, you guys. That's exciting!

Axl: But it's... it's a real job. I'd get to use my degree, so... [chuckles] You know, if they hire me, I might actually have to learn how to tie one of these.
Sue: [chuckles] Okay, we're here. Thanks for dropping me off.
Axl: They think I have an assistant, so if I showed up in a Winnebago, that might be a bit of a red flag. [both chuckle]

Axl: I can't.
Sue: What?
Axl: I can't. I'm freaking out, Sue. I can't do it.
Sue: Sure, you can.
Axl: Nope, mnh-mnh. No, no, I'm not doing it. I'm not getting out. If they want to interview me, they can come out here to the car. [breathes heavily]
Sue: Okay, Axl. You listen to me. You are on the edge of your first step into adulthood. If you don't go into that building right now, you'll regret it for the rest of your life!
Axl: Tell it my legs.
Sue: Get out!

Nancy: Okay. We're just minutes away from the big unveiling. We've sealed every family's time capsule in the base of the cow. But, first, let's check back in on our visitor count. You know him, you love him... I know I do. Ron Donahue! Ron!
Ron: 183! [cheers and applause]
Nancy: This is thrilling, isn't it, folks?

Frankie: Mike, I forgot to do the time capsule again. Why can't I remember stuff anymore? I'm such an idiot.
Mike: No, you're not. You're wonderful.
Frankie: Okay, seriously, you're scaring me.