Mike: Okay, everybody. This family is heading outside to play touch football.
Sue: Football? Why?
Axl: I'm don't wanna play with her.
Brick: But this is my favorite commercial.
Axl: What did Mom do to you?
Mike: What your mother did to me is none of your business. Brothers and sisters are supposed to appreciate each other. Your Aunt Edie wheels Aunt Ginny into the quarry every day and she doesn't even know where she is. That's the kind of love and support that I wanna start seeing around here. Let's move. Now.

Frankie: [v.o.] After a few plays, something weird happened. Those kids were throwing and chasing and laughing like a bunch of Donahues.

Frankie: [v.o.] Later, the kids came inside and had dessert together. And to my utter amazement, Axl didn't pretend to commit suicide once. There were no two ways about it. Mike was onto something. Suffice to say the kids weren't the only ones who got along especially well that night. Which is good because the next day? Not so relaxing for Mike.

Mike: Hey, guys.
Dave: Mike, we just got our bonus checks, and we need to talk to you. Jim has prepared a statement from all of us.
Mike: Oh, man. I know it's not what you expected, but you have to understand what we're going through.
Jim: "In these difficult times, it is rare to have a boss who is not only generous, but also is who a boss." Well, that can't be right.
Dave: I told you to proofread it.
Mike: Hold on. I was generous? How generous was I? Oh, my God.
Jim: Mike, we want you to know, you didn't just give us money this year. You gave hope back to our families.

Frankie: So, what are you gonna do?
Mike: I don't know. I guess I gotta find a way to take back hope from a bunch of guys who use dynamite for a living.

Sue: Hey! You guys ready for football?
Frankie: What's that now?
Axl: Come on, kids versus the elderly. Let's go.
Frankie: Oh, guys, we have both had really hard days. Why don't you play without us?
Brick: But it won't be any fun without you.
Frankie: [v.o.] Yup, the kids had such a good time, they wanted to do it the next night. And the next night. And the next night. Turns out there is a way to bond your kids, have tons of family fun together. Only trouble is, it requires spending a whole lot of time with them.
Frankie: All right, let's let them win quick and get back in here while the couch is still warm. [Mike clicks his tongue]

Mike: My knee went out for a second. I'm gonna have to sit this one out. [tosses the ball to Frankie]
Sue: Oh. Well, Mom, you're still coming, right?
Frankie: Yeah, I'll be right there.
Sue: Phew!
Frankie: Mike.
Mike: I think I might've pulled a ligament. Better walk this off.
Frankie: I can't believe you're bailing on me. Football was your idea.
Mike: Yep, and the knee was my idea too. I'm on a roll.
Frankie: Mike, they're not gonna play if we don't go out there.
Mike: Frankie, we can't do this every day. It's not our job to entertain them. Either they're gonna get along or they won't. It's not up to us.
Frankie: You know what that sounds like to me? The excuse of a lazy, lazy parent. Well, you know what? I'm not gonna be lazy.

Frankie: I was dragging my sorry butt out here every night because I thought it'd help you love each other. But, no, we're right back to where we started. Well, you know what I say? Love each other, don't love each other, I'm done.
[After Frankie throws the ball down on the ground, it bounces up and hits her in the nose]
Frankie: Ow. Ow!
Brick: Mom, are you okay?
Frankie: No, it hurts like hell. [kids laugh]
Frankie: [v.o.] So my plan to bring the kids closer hadn't worked the way I wanted.
Frankie: Come on, guys, stop laughing.
Axl: That was awesome, Mom.
Sue: Okay, I'm sorry, Mom, but that was hilarious.
Brick: And when you fell down, you rolled through dog poo.
Frankie: But I had given them a story they were gonna share and enjoy long after I was gone.

Brick: So then she spiked the ball and it bounced back right off her face.
Mike: [chuckles] Off her face.
Sue: Yeah. And Axl does this great impression. Do it, Axl. It's really, really funny.
Axl: Okay, okay. Well, okay, so I'm Mom. She's out there, got the ball, she's like...
Frankie: [v.o.] Isn't that what bonds kids after all? The eye-rolling, the laughing together over the stupid things we do? I think so. Or maybe that's just the excuse of a lazy, lazy parent. Either way, I'm doing the best I can.

Frankie: Yeah, come in.
Nancy: Hey, madam chairwoman.
Frankie: Hey, Nancy. What's up?
Nancy: I just came by because people were complaining they hadn't gotten their wreaths yet.
Frankie: I only brought them home last night.
Nancy: You're doing awesome. I just set the bar really high.