Frankie: [v.o.] So Mother's Day was here, and I woke up to a sound I'd never heard before... Silence.
Frankie: Mike? Axl? Brick? Sue?
Frankie: [v.o.] I didn't know what to do first. Read... Sleep... Ooh, watch Oprah... Ooh, maybe I'd even go to the bathroom without someone pounding on the door. Damn it. Don't have to go. Since I accidentally borrowed a few People magazines from my last dentist visit, I decided to read. And then I remembered something, I'm blind. But when I went to the junk drawer for my glasses, stupid thing was stuck. But you know what? Not a problem. I had a whole free day ahead of me, and I'd been wanting to fix that drawer for weeks. An hour later, I was done. Now I just had to put the giant screwdriver back where it belonged, and the rest of the day was mine.
Frankie: Oh, there's that flashlight. [sighs]
Frankie: [v.o.] So I decided to go through the batteries because you gotta have a flashlight in the house with batteries. But when I went to put it in Mike's nightstand, it was stuck, too. And then I found something you never want to find in your husband's nightstand. Something I couldn't ignore. An unpaid gas bill.
Frankie: [on the phone] Billing! Billing! I pressed "4." I want to talk to a human. Human! Yuck.
Frankie: [v.o.] And then after defrosting the freezer and scotchgarding the winter shoes, I don't even know how I ended up here.
Frankie: Crap. [pulls watch out of the toilet] Oh, no!
Frankie: [v.o.] It can't be 7:45! This can't be happening. I blew my whole Mother's Day.

Mike: How could we forget Mother's Day again? I count on you guys to remember this stuff.
Axl: How was I supposed to know it's even on a Sunday this year? I'm not a calendar.

Axl: What is the best way to pay myself for all the great things I do? Man, this is hard. I really want to do right by me. Brick, if you were me, what would you get me? You know what? You could never be me, so why even think about it? It's like God talking to an ant.

Sue: Okay, no, Mom. You pushed out Axl's pointy head, and didn't you say that Brick practically destroyed your insides?
Frankie: He did treat my uterus like a rock star in a hotel room. Just trashed the place and left.

Mike: Hey, I am thrilled to have my Sunday back, [clears throat] but isn't your mom supposed to come down?
Frankie: Oh, crap. You know what? She'll be fine with my Not Mother's Day. She just wants to see everybody, hang out, maybe have dinner.
Mike: Sounds a lot like Mother's Day.
Frankie: It's completely different. Hey, maybe you kids could make her a card. [kids groan]
Brick: "To the woman who gave birth to the woman who gave birth to me. Love, Brick."
Axl: "And Axl."
Sue: Hey, wait. Can I get in on that?
Axl: Can't put three names on a card, Sue. It's tacky.