Sue: Dad, hold on. I have to go through my checklist first. Mirrors... check. Signal... check. Wipers... check. How are the weather conditions?
Mike: We're not flying cross-country. We're going around the block.
Sue: This is my process. Hands at 10:00 and 2:00... check. [Mike exhales] Dad, I saw that. You're making me nervous. I don't want you looking at me. Look away.
Mike: What?
Sue: Look away. Is the brake in the right position?
Mike: How am I supposed to tell when I'm looking away?
Sue: Okay, you can look, and then look away.

Mike: Okay, Sue, this is nuts. You do realize when you're out on the road, other drivers are gonna be watching you? That's the deal with driving. Everybody looks at each other.
Sue: I just want to be prepared for every single possible situation.
Mike: There's a million unpredictable things that can happen.
Sue: Well, now you're making me scared.
Mike: Well, don't be. When you drive, you have to be confident.
Sue: You can't just tell someone to be confident!
Mike: Okay, enough. Let's go. You're gonna run out of gas.
Sue: Okay, let me just run through my checklist first.
Mike: No, no more checklists. Just go. Come on. Pull out now. Pull out. [gears grind] What the hell are you doing?!
Sue: Aah!
Mike: The car's already going!
Sue: I'm s... it's... I just thought... [cries] Aah! I'm never driving with you again!

Frankie: [v.o.] So the next day, we tried it again with a gentler approach.
Sue: Can I go over my checklist?
Frankie: Sure, honey, that's a great idea. Whatever makes you comfortable.
Sue: Brakes... check. Mirrors... check. Signals... check.
Frankie: This is gonna be fun, huh? A couple of chicks out driving like Thelma & Louise. I mean the beginning of that movie, but... You know what? Don't see it.
Frankie: All right, then. Here we go. Why don't you start the car? [engine starts] [Sue exhales deeply] Now you're gonna want to shift into reverse.
Sue: Stop rushing me! [cries] Oh, my God! You're worse than Dad! [gasps]

Frankie: [v.o.] So I couldn't teach my daughter to drive, and I let my neighbor take my son trick-or-treating. But Halloween wasn't a complete bust.
Children: Trick or treat!
Frankie: [hands a goldfish in a bag] There you go.
Boy: Thanks.
Mother: Yeah. Thanks.

Frankie: There's nothing left? Not even a Tootsie Roll? You know, for the soldiers.
Brick: I'm actually not feeling too well. If I still feel like this tomorrow, can I stay home from school?
Mike: [scoffs] You're not skipping school 'cause your mom made you eat a ton of candy.
Frankie: And don't you dare say that at school. We're already in the system.

Sue: Hey, Axl, I just wanted to say...
Axl: Get her out! [throws a cushion at Sue]
Sue: I just wanted to say I am so stupid.
Axl: Get her out! [throws a crutch]

Frankie: [v.o.] I'd been dreading the fallout from Brick's candy binge, and as sure as you can say "creamy nougat caramel center," the call came.
Frankie: Well, that was the school. Brick's teacher wants to see us. [sighs] Great. I forced him to go to school after Halloween, and he probably threw up and told everyone I made him eat all his candy.
Axl: [o.s.] I'm out of chips!
Frankie: Not now, Axl! Oh, God, and we'd made it all the way to November without getting a call from Brick's teacher.
Mike: That was a new record for us.
Axl: Hello! Chips!
Frankie: Well, someone's gonna have to go down there.
Mike: Somebody? You're the one who challenged Brick to eat 20 pounds of candy.
Frankie: It wasn't a challenge.
Axl: Chips! [clanging]
Frankie: Okay. One, two... Fine. I'm going.

Mr. Walker: You probably have an idea of why I called you in.
Frankie: I might.
Mr. Walker: You see, Brick came in the day after Halloween...
Frankie: Okay, I don't know what he told you, but I can explain. I wasn't even there. Somebody else took him. Gave him this huge pillowcase...
Mr. Walker: He's been great.
Frankie: What? He has?
Mr. Walker: Let me tell you a little about myself. I am the type of person who likes things a certain way. I have no use for outside-the-box thinking. Needless to say, I have not been a big fan of Brick.
Frankie: Yeah, he's pretty far outside that box.
Mr. Walker: But since the day after Halloween, Brick has been a dream. All his whispering and whooping gone.
Frankie: [laughs] Wow. You know, when you called me in here, I thought... You know what? I interrupted you. Go on.
Mr. Walker: Has Brick been put on any medication recently?
Frankie: Sort... of?
Mr. Walker: Don't need to know. Just more paperwork. The point is, whatever you're doing, keep it up.

Frankie: Maybe we can give him a little sugar, on special occasions. Like SATs or college interviews?
Mike: School dances?
Frankie: Oh, that's a good one.

Axl: Democracy rules! Give me my sticker.