Tahani: Let's add Jianyu to the guest list. Chidi and Eleanor have been working with him, and they're going to be here.
Michael: What a great idea. Patricia! We can fit another chair, right?
Chef Patricia: Change the floor plan an hour before opening? Of course! The more the merrier!
Tahani: Hurrah! I knew tonight was going to be perfect, but now it's going to be even perfect-er. Obviously, it's impossible for something to be more perfect than perfect...
Michael: Well, it isn't, actually. Any place or thing in the universe can be up to 104% perfect. That's how you got Beyoncé.
Tahani: Oh!

Michael: [glass clinking] Welcome to the opening of The Good Plates. [laughs] I just got that. [laughter] That's hilarious! Anyway, at some point or another, every resident in this neighborhood will fulfill his or her soul's true purpose. Chef Patricia has done that tonight by opening this restaurant.

Tahani: Now if you'd all like to take a look at tonight's menus... That's right. With Michael's help, Chef Patricia has recreated each person's favorite meal on Earth. Fun! [laughing] [chatter]
Chidi: It's my Grandmother's maafe. Fresh perch, slow-roasted in a peanut sauce. Almost makes me forget how miserable I am right now. You want to try a bite?
Eleanor: Fish and peanut butter? No, I'm good. Thanks.
Jason: Tofu? Oh, man. I'ma order some jalapeño poppers.
Eleanor: Shh. Be quiet and eat your white sponge. Janet?
Janet: [appears] Hi, there.
Eleanor: Hi. I didn't get a meal.
Janet: According to our files, your favorite meal was the hunger strike you went on to protest Bolivian sex trafficking.
Eleanor: Oh, right. Of course I did that.

Michael: Tahani, great party. Check it out. Suspenders! [laughing] So dumb. So much dumber than belts. [laughing]

Michael: May I have your attention, please? Later this evening, we will be enjoying Chef Patricia's delicious dessert, a stunning three-tiered cake that took her a full week to complete. But first, I'd like to try something fun. Each one of you has a very special memory attached to the meal you're eating. Why don't we go around the room and share our stories? Who'd like to begin? [Michael looks to Eleanor and Jason's table]
Glenn: I'll start, Michael. [clears throat] One day, I wasn't feeling so great, so I made myself a bowl of this chicken soup...
Eleanor: [to Jason] When it gets to you, say something short and boring about tofu.
Jason: No. I'm sick of pretending to be Jianyu, the tofu man. I'm gonna tell the story about my real favorite meal.
Eleanor: Which is?
Jason: The Buffalo wings at Stupid Nick's Wing Dump in Gainesville. Wings were free for ladies if they took their top off.

Chidi: I can't believe I'm doing this, but, Jason, please come to my classroom. I will teach you ethics, like I'm doing with Eleanor. And if you work hard and absorb the material, you just might be able to earn your place here.
Jason: No, I'm good. [game gunfire continues]

Eleanor: Dude, Chidi is giving you a lifeline right now, and you need to take it because you suck.
Jason: You suck!
Eleanor: I know! That's what I'm trying to tell you. We both suck. You know who doesn't suck? Chidi. He is putting himself in danger to help us, because he, unlike us, is an amazing person.
Jason: I didn't get into heaven to go to school.
Eleanor: You didn't get into heaven at all, shirt-for-brains.
Jason: I just want to be myself.
Eleanor: That's a very, very bad idea. Do not be yourself. You need to be a better version of yourself, okay? And I do too. And our only hope right now is this kind, selfless, amazing nerd. Think about that.
Chidi: Do you have to call me a nerd so much?
Eleanor: I said a lot of other nice things, okay? Toughen up, nerd.

Jason: This is my bud-hole. It's just, like, a hole where me and my buds can hang out.
Eleanor: Oh, bud-hole! Okay, now I get it.
Jason: I wrote down on a piece of paper that I needed a private meditation area. Tahani will never come in.
Eleanor: Pretty unique decorating style you have here, Jianyu. It's like, "12-year-old boy" meets "13-year-old boy."
Jason: Thanks. Janet helped me get all this stuff. She rules. Is she single, or is she married to Michael?
Eleanor: No, no, dude, you cannot date Janet. A) she's not human. And B) you have to keep pretending to be Tahani's soul mate.
Jason: Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool.

Eleanor: Okay, just sit tight, dude. I have a class to get to.
Jason: Wha... a class? I didn't know there were classes.
Eleanor: Chidi is trying to teach me to be a good person. And it's really hard. Also, Michael has asked me to be his assistant, whatever that means. My whole situation here is getting more and more dicey, so I'm actually really glad to have a place I can come when I just want to be myself.
Jason: Yeah. I miss being myself. Myself was the best.
[flashback to Jason partying at a rave before talking to the DJ, AcidCat:]
AcidCat: What's up, man? You're Jason? You got two minutes. Fred Durst is throwing an orgy on a partially capsized yacht. My dad just texted. It already started. So I'll get right to the point. I listened to your demo. You're terrible.
Jason: Really?
AcidCat: Yeah. Okay? You just don't have any... what's the word? Talent. But don't worry. You got something better than talent, man. You got my approximate size and weight. I'm supposed to play this club for the rest of the week, but I just got an offer to DJ Scott Disick's after party for the Amateur Porn Awards in Reno.
Jason: Whoa! Congrats, bro. That's the dream.
AcidCat: It's your dream, man. It's my Tuesday. I just need somebody to fill in. Put on the helmet. Press spacebar on the computer. Those idiots won't know the difference. For the next week, Jason, you are AcidCat. [puts the helmet on Jason]
Jason: Whoa, there's a lot of old gum in here.

Chef Patricia: Tahani, how are things going in the front of the house? Because, to be perfectly frank, things in the kitchen are going great, okay? I am right on schedule.
Tahani: Chef Patricia, I have triple-checked every single detail. Your restaurant opening is going to be the talk of the entire neighborhood.
Chef Patricia: Thank you for your thoughtfulness and hard work. I could not have done this without you.
Michael: Ah, hello, Tahani. Sorry. I should've warned you. Patricia is actually very happy, but she's also very intense. It can be confusing.
Tahani: No, no, no, that's not what's bothering me. It's just that, well, I looked at the guest list earlier, and Jianyu isn't invited.
Michael: Right. Jianyu is a beautiful spirit, but he literally doesn't talk, and since this will be an evening of lively conversation, and you'll be busy working, I didn't want him to feel uncomfortable.
Tahani: I totally understand. Well reasoned, Michael. As us Brits are fond of saying, "Try your best to hide your sadness."