[flashback:]
Eleanor: Hey, guys.
Betsy: Okay, Eleanor, reminder. We switched to a rotating system for choosing a designated driver, and it's your turn.
Eleanor: Got it. Full disclosure, I forgot we were doing this new system. I got off work early. I've been here for about an hour, and I'm already pretty drunk.
Betsy: Someone else will do it.
Eleanor: Good call. Guess the only place I'll be driving is through the giant loophole in the system I accidentally discovered. Beep! Beep! [laughs]

Tahani: I can't believe they've managed to mix one million flavors together, and yet, somehow, I can taste each individual one. It's remarkable.
Michael: I got no-flavor. It's all I deserve, really.
Tahani: No.
Michael: Look, I... I appreciate you trying to cheer me up. I really do, but you don't understand. This was the very first neighborhood that I got to design. It was my chance to prove myself, and now I've blown it.
Tahani: You know, sometimes a flaw can make something even more beautiful, like with Cindy Crawford and how short she is.
Michael: Oh, Tahani, if I made one tiny mistake in my design, if there's a single glitch in the system, if even one blade of grass is angled a... a fraction of a degree off... [dog whimpers] The whole neighborhood is compromised. Whose dog is that? Guys, whose dog is that? Whose dog is that?! See, this is one of those glitches I was talking about. Nice try, puppy!
[Michael kicks the dog into the air, sending it hurtling towards the sun where it eventually explodes with a pop]
Michael: Whew! [chuckles] That was a close one.
Pevita: Teacup? Hey, have you seen my dog?

Eleanor: Janet, I'm finished with cleanup, and I'm ready to fly. How do I start?
Janet: Hop on the launch pad and conjure an image that brings you pure joy. Some people think of their wedding day or favorite vacation spot.
Eleanor: People puking on roller coasters. People puking on roller coasters. [gasps] [laughs] It's working! [a can hits her in the head] Ow! What the fork? [thunder crashing] Janet, any chance this is a scheduled trash storm?

Michael: So here's the situation, Pevita. I kind of kicked your dog into the sun. But I got her back. [dog whimpers and growls] Everything-- everything seems fine.
Pevita: Teacup, thank goodness you're okay.
Michael: Everyone, it is merely a construct of a dog. It feels no pain or joy or love.
Pevita: Teacup doesn't love me?
Michael: Oh! Oh, no, no, no, no, no, it definitely feels love. Do you actually want a dog that loves you a little bit more? Because I can kick her right back into the sun and get you another one just like that.
Pevita: No!
Michael: Oh, boy. I'm making things worse.

Antonio: How 'bout this trash storm, Gunnar?
Gunnar: More cleaning up to do.
Antonio: It's a-- it's a dream come true.
[Eleanor gasps as a Dumpster falls on Gunnar and Antonio]
Antonio: We're okay! You can't die here.
Eleanor: Come on, I mean, even you have to admit, those guys are psycho.

Tahani: Jianyu, the architect of this neighborhood has just referred to himself as a canyon full of poo-poo. Surely now, you will say something? Grace us with your vocalized wisdom. Please, I'm begging you.
[Jianyu stands up, sits on the couch and places his hand on Michael's chest. Michael places his hand on top of Jianyu's]
Michael: Oh. Yes, yes, I understand. The strength is inside me. It's been there all along. No, of course, I can overcome any obstacle. Oh, thank you, Jianyu, thank you. [laughs] I'm back. [exits]
Tahani: You did it. Oh, you have so much to teach me. Maybe I should try to be silent too. No really, look. Here I go. [brief moment of silence] Oh! That was wonderful! So cleansing.

[flashback:]
Bartender: Just water tonight, huh? Designated driver?
Eleanor: Yeah, it sucks.
Bartender: I think it's awesome. I mean, someone's got to do it, right? I think it's a cool thing to do for people.
Eleanor: Yeah. No... No, I meant... I meant... I... It sucks that I can't do it more often, you know? I actually prefer it to drinking. Staying sober and knowing my friends will get home safe, that's my buzz.
[Eleanor walks over to her co-workers' table]
Eleanor: Hey, guys, good news and bad news. See that hot bartender over there? He's into me, and we're gonna bang it out. The bad news is, it means I can't drive you guys home. But I did call a cab for you guys. But they recognized my number, and they didn't want to come. I've thrown up in a lot of cabs. So are we good here?
Betsy: Eleanor, you have a very important choice to make. If you blow us off, you are banned from Thursday night drinks forever.
Eleanor: Yeah, I'm good with that. I'll see you guys at work. Peace! You, let's go.

Eleanor: Hey. How did you know I was here?
Chidi: I saw you from my window. That's where I live, by the way. Not that you ever asked. What are you doing?
Eleanor: I went to all the places where I dumped trash earlier and cleaned it up so it couldn't be traced back to me.
Chidi: Well, it looks like you cleaned up everything. You're doing this because you feel bad. And you're not even doing it to get me to help you anymore because I told you that's not gonna happen.
Eleanor: Okay, yeah, fine, I felt bad for stupid Gunnar and stupider Antonio and the whole neighborhood. I felt bad about what I did. It was a weird feeling. Not used to it. Didn't love it.
Chidi: Well, feeling remorse about being wrong isn't as good as just doing something right, but it's a start. Look, I think you're capable of change. And I will help you try.
Eleanor: Oh, wow, man, I swear I won't let you down.
Janet: Hi, there. I've collected the worst-smelling garbage that I could find. Do you still want me to dump it inside of Antonio's house?
Eleanor: [exclaims] What? No. I did not tell you to do that. You are loco, girlfriend. [to Chidi] Okay, I won't let you down starting now.

Michael: Everybody, everybody! Uh, gather round, please, thank you, thank you. Obviously, there's something very wrong with this neighborhood. We don't know what it is, how long it will last, or what caused it. What do we know, Janet?
Janet: We know where it happened. Here.
Michael: Yes, thank you, Janet. The chaos happened here. See, that's the trouble with these perfect systems. One little flaw can lead to... Well, it can lead to Gary over there. [a man with a Picasso-like face waves] Hey, Gary. Hang in there, buddy.