[flashback:]
Sophia: Pussycat, drink this. It'll make you feel better.
Dorothy: Oh, Ma, another hot toddy? I think I've had enough.
Sophia: Shut up and drink.
Dorothy: This is the fourth one. Ma, that's a lot of whiskey.
Sophia: I only put whiskey in the first one, then we ran out.
Dorothy: Oh.
Sophia: The second and third were vodka.
Dorothy: No wonder my head is spinning.
Sophia: This one's part Amaretto, part Sambuca. That should kill everything. Killed your father.

Dorothy: Dr. Ashley, the reason we came to the counseling center is that we're roommates and we've been having problems at home that we need to work out.
Dr. Ashley: Before we get to the nitty-gritty, why don't you all tell me a little about yourselves.
Dorothy: Fine. I'm a teacher. I'm divorced.
Blanche: I'm a widow. No man would leave me unless he absolutely had to. I'm 41 years old, I'm 5'6", I weigh 108 pounds, and my hair is its natural hue.
Dorothy: Sure, Blanche. Yours and Lucy's.

[flashback:]
Dorothy: I meant, Blanche, that I am sick. I can barely stand. You'll just have to go on without me.
Blanche: Go on without you? This is not a wagon train. This is a double date. It doesn't work that way. It's the both of us or nothing.
Dorothy: You'll just have to cancel your date, too.
Blanche: Cancel my date? With Larry? Dorothy, how long have you been inhaling this VapoRub?
Dorothy: Blanche.
Blanche: Dorothy, I have been waiting for Larry to ask me out ever since our eyes first met at Del's Route 1 Chevron. I climbed on the hood of his LeBaron and wrote my phone number on his windshield with the heel of my Pappagallo pump.
Dorothy: Isn't that how Mrs. Simpson met the Duke of Windsor?

[flashback:]
Dorothy: Blanche, please! Please! My body aches.
Blanche: Well, so does mine, honey. That's why I wanna go out on this date.

[flashback:]
Dorothy: Rose, it is not here.
Rose: Well, look again. It has to be.
Dorothy: I have read every want ad in the paper. Mine is not here. Are you sure you dropped it at the newspaper office?
Rose: Dorothy, you told me exactly what you wanted me to do a dozen times. Any idiot could've done it.
Dorothy: I know, honey, but you were the only one going downtown.

[flashback:]
Dorothy: [to father] Oh, my God! I don't believe this! I'm going to call the cops if you don't get out of here, you pervert!
Sophia: Hi, Father Rossi. Here's the canned goods for the needy.
Dorothy: Oh, no. Oh, I'm terribly sorry. I promise I will say Hail Mary's until Madonna has a hit movie.

Blanche: It's not easy living with somebody who's always so together. She's so efficient, so organized. She even balances her checkbook.
Dorothy: Since when is competence a crime?
Dr. Ashley: Look, Dorothy cannot be blamed for being capable.
Rose: Well, she doesn't have to lord it over us and criticize us for not living up to her standards.
Blanche: She's always harping on us to do everything just right. I'm surprised she doesn't check our underwear before we leave the house.
Dorothy: Those of you who wear underwear.

[flashback:]
Rose: Well, it's helping me, Sophia. What I got out of the story was that I should take a bad situation and make it better. I'm gonna tell my boss off.
Blanche: That's not quite what I got out of it. Sophia, I thought you were trying to tell me to dump my boyfriend because there's lots of pepperoni in the sea.
Sophia: Yeah, that's exactly what I was trying to tell you.
Blanche: Thank you, Sophia.
Sophia: How about you, Dorothy, did I help with your problem?
Dorothy: You sure did. I didn't know what to have for dinner. How about splitting a pepperoni pizza?
Sophia: Sure. You buying?
Dorothy: Does a pepperoni swim upstream?
Sophia: Did once. Let's go.

Dr. Ashley: I'm afraid I don't understand, Sophia. They look up to you. They seek your advice. They respect your opinion. What exactly is your complaint?
Sophia: That I don't get $150 an hour like you.

Rose: I'll get the cheesecake.
Blanche: I'll get the whipped cream.
Dorothy: I'll get the chocolate syrup.
Sophia: I'll get the Polaroid. This is a time to remember.
Dorothy: Ma, you don't have a Polaroid.
Blanche: I'll get mine. It's under my bed. I have to go in there for the whipped cream anyway.