Dorothy: Oh, come on now. You can too shoot them.
Police Officer #2: I cannot shoot them. I can only shoot looters.
Dorothy: Oh, I understand. Stan, pick up the TV on your way out, will you?

Angelo: Oh, Sophia. I was getting ready to go to the shelter. What are you doing here?
Sophia: Angelo, you're my big brother. I can only come to you. I'm in trouble.
Angelo: Then the boy will marry you.

Sophia: I should have known better. It's like when they were young. Whenever Gloria took one of Dorothy's old toys, Dorothy would get interested again and want it back. I can still hear her yelling, "Gloria took my stick. Gloria took my stick."
Angelo: Boy, we come from a poor family.

Stan: Can you believe it? The machines are all empty.
Dorothy: Oh, that's terrible. Would you like a Clark bar?
Stan: Sure.
Dorothy: $2.50.
Stan: It's nice to be able to talk again like human beings, like friends.
Dorothy: I said $2.50, Stan.

Stan: Dorothy, what's happening to us?
Dorothy: I don't know. I was thinking about it myself. I don't approve of you and Gloria, but if you honestly love her You know, I don't think I love her.
Stan: I'm realizing that maybe I was with her just to make you jealous. It was the same thing with the monkey.
Dorothy: You know something, Stan? I was a little jealous.
Stan: Dorothy, it was just an old traffic cone with a monkey head on the top.
Dorothy: Jealous of my sister, you idiot.

Stan: You're right. You know, this is what I miss. You calling me "idiot." You slamming the door in my face when I come over.
Dorothy: I know what you mean. We weren't that happy when we were married. We weren't that happy when we were going to remarry. Seems our relationship works best when we're just plain divorced.
Stan: I don't want to spend two years without speaking to you.
Dorothy: No, we shouldn't, Stan. We share children. We share grandchildren. And I like slamming the door in your face.

Rose: Sophia, I'm so glad you're safe, and I have some good news. The stage manager just told me the hurricane is breaking up and we're only going to have to stay here a few more hours. Well, I'm gonna go tell everybody.
Blanche: Don't you dare. First, we sell them candy.

Sophia: Dorothy, I want to talk to you. I just wanted to say I'm sorry about the stick.
Dorothy: What stick?
Sophia: The stick. The one with the sock on it with the buttons for the eyes?
Dorothy: You mean Scout? You know where Scout is?
Sophia: Look, I'm sorry I gave the stick to your sister when you were a kid. And I'm sorry about the other thing, too.
Dorothy: You mean about giving Stan to Gloria?
Sophia: Yeah, that and the stick. I'm sorry about those two things.
Dorothy: You know what, Ma? I love you. And I'm glad you're safe. And I forgive you.
Sophia: You make me sick.
Dorothy: Aww.

Carol: Oh, my God.
Dorothy: What is it?
Carol: You're Dan and Morothy.
Dorothy: Wild and crazy names?
Dr. Halperin: Carol, this is a different Dan and Morothy.
Carol: You mean these aren't the two nuts who couldn't stop seeing each other? Dan, a sex-crazed nudnik with occasional performance problems, and Morothy, a domineering tyrant who totally emasculated him?
Sophia: No more calls. We have a winner.

Dorothy: Oh, my God.
Gloria: Dorothy.
Dorothy: Gloria! Stan!
Stan: Hey, deja vu, huh, babe?
Dorothy: Just tell me why. Why in this house? Why in my bed again?
Stan: Dorothy, this place has memories for us. This is the place where Gloria and I first... Well, I don't have to tell you. You were there.