Ted: Don't end this, Blanche. My wife doesn't understand me.
Blanche: Well, I do. You're a cheat. Get out. Oh, as God is my witness, I will never pick up another man. In a library. On a Saturday. Unless he's cute and drives a nice car. Amen.

Ted: Blanche, you didn't strike me as the type who needed a chaperone.
Blanche: Well, as I said, it was a tradition. We Southern families stick together.
Sophia: We sho' do.
Ted: Well, I suppose it's been nice having someone look after you since you were young.
Sophia: I had to. When she was 15, I caught her under a pile of hillbillies. Picture it - me with a crowbar prying cousins off left and right.

Rose: Thanks for bringing the boys over, Dreyfus. So long, kids. Oh, I just love it when Dreyfus brings the puppies over to play. I really think they like it, too.
Sophia: That's because you bring the stick to them.
Rose: I know. They get so excited when I fetch.

Rose: You like having them over, too, don't you, Sophia?
Sophia: Yeah, I like 'em.
Dorothy: That's because it temporarily shifts the blame if we find a puddle on the floor.
Sophia: Once, Nurse Ratched, once.

Dorothy: I don't know how that could've happened, but I'll put the book on my card, and I want you to know my card is always current. I come to the library at least three times a week, and my books are always returned promptly during regular library hours, rain or shine. Who are you to judge me?!

Blanche: Rose, the answer is no.
Rose: That's not fair. Last week, you got to keep the boxboy who followed you home.
Blanche: There, you see? You don't need a dog. If you're lonely, get yourself a man.
Rose: I don't want a man. I just wanna come home from work and have someone jump up on my lap, lick my face and fetch a ball when I throw it.
Blanche: You can get a man to do that.

Ted: And who's this?
Sophia: Who do I look like? I'm her mother.
Blanche: Grandmother. Having a chaperone is an old Southern tradition. Grammy here brought me up since I was a child. She's the one who taught me how to put up peach preserves, make my own clothes.
Sophia: We was po'.

Blanche: I don't know why I was nervous in the first place.
Sophia: Boy, you should see this bedroom. A giant-screen TV, a big round bed and lights that go on when you clap. My hands are raw.
Ted: That Southern accent of yours really comes and goes.
Sophia: Grits. Alright?

Blanche: Sophia, I'm sorry I tossed ya out last night, but it was for a good cause.
Sophia: That's OK, Blanche. Andy took me home in the limo, and, boy, did we have fun. I figured out why they call it a moon roof.

Sophia: Hurry up. Get dressed. We're gonna be late for temple.
Dorothy: Ma, it's Tuesday, and we're Catholic.
Sophia: In that case, bacon and eggs.