Sophia: Boy, Dorothy, it's good you got over your fear of flying.
Dorothy: Oh, right.
Sophia: The way you used to carry on. Remember when we went to your Uncle Michael's wedding in Arizona? Right before we boarded the plane, you threw yourself on the ground, kicking and screaming.
Dorothy: It was a little embarrassing.
Sophia: I'll say. You were 48 years old.
Dorothy: Well, it's all behind me now. I tell you, I really feel very comfortable on planes.
Sophia: Good, because you'll probably have to take a dinky little plane to the Bahamas. They flutter, they shimmy, they wobble... You got a lot of guts, Dorothy. I'm proud of you.
Dorothy: Oh, thanks, Ma. Please don't let them take me!

Rose: What are you reading, Blanche?
Blanche: Oh, I'm checking on the weather in the Bahamas. It's gonna be in the upper 80's with a nice gentle breeze. So with that outdoor service, we'll come away with healthy color.
Rose: Aunt Gretchen always loved the sun.
Blanche: Well, maybe they'll have an open casket.

Dorothy: It's Ma. She's sick. I'm gonna have to take her to the hospital.
Rose: Oh, no.
Blanche: Wait a minute. She left for that cooking contest about ten minutes ago.
Dorothy: Yeah, she called. She had a bad cannoli when she got there. Right now, she's doubled over with cramps, crying out with pain, and... Making the most spectacular comeback since Dennis Hopper.

Blanche: I'm so proud of you, Dorothy. You're just doing beautifully. Nobody would dream you have a fear of flying. Unless they happen to glance at the bruises on my forearm. You think maybe you could hold on to something else for a while?
Dorothy: Oh, of course, honey, I'm sorry. [Dorothy wraps her arms around Blanche's neck]
Blanche: Oh! I meant like the arm rest.

Rose: Look, girls. I found this bolt in the aisle. Where do you think it goes?
Dorothy: With me, off this plane. What was that?
Blanche: Oh, that was them shutting the door.
Dorothy: They shut the door?

Candy: Afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Candy. I'll be your flight hostess. Please review the information cards in your seat pockets for the safety information in the unlikely event of a mishap during our flight.
Dorothy: Mishap? What does she mean- What does she mean by mishap?
Blanche: She means, like, bad movies or cold food or running out of ice.
Rose: Running out of gas.
Dorothy: Oh, my God.

Blanche: Rose, why don't we use our time constructively and work on your eulogy. What are you planning to say, honey?
Rose: I don't know. I'll probably start out talking about Aunt Gretchen, the person. She was always a very rigid person.
Dorothy: Especially now. I'm sorry, Rose. I guess that maybe that champagne did relax me.

Blanche: Oh, my God. Oh, my God, girls, oh, my God, look!
Dorothy: What, Blanche, what?
Blanche: Look, all the men on this plane are bald!
Dorothy: It's all right, Blanche. The captain just turned off the "no bald men" sign.
Blanche: I am talking about my recurring dream. Remember? I'm trapped in an enclosed space full of bald men. Well, I didn't tell you the rest of it. All those bald men and I are on a plane and we fly into the ocean.
Dorothy: Oh, come on now, Blanche. You're behaving just as crazy as we are. It's just a coincidence.

Candy: Ladies and gentlemen, be sure your seat belts are securely fastened in preparation for the take off.
And if anyone found a big bolt, please return it to me. It came off the beverage cart. Yes, that's it. The beverage cart.
Blanche: Dorothy, it is not a coincidence. It is my nightmare and it's coming true.
Rose: Don't be silly, Blanche. Not all of it's coming true. You haven't heard the voice of God.
Dorothy: That's right, Blanche.
Captain: [v.o.] Ladies and gentlemen, this is Captain Lord speaking. I hope you enjoy your flight.

Dorothy: I wish we had more time together. Wait a minute. Wait a minute, what are we doing? The flight has been perfectly smooth. There hasn't been a hint of turbulence.
Captain: This is Captain Lord. Looks like we're running right into the eye of a tropical storm.
Dorothy: I'm a dead woman.
Captain: Unfortunately, that means we're going to turn around and return to Miami. I'm sorry for the inconvenience.