Blanche: Oh, I don't believe my ears. Girls! The entire purpose of this trip is to conquer our fears. Why, if we back out now, that'd mean our fears have conquered us and I will not allow that. We are gonna march out that door right now, like the strong confidant women I know we are. Chins up, chests out, buttocks tight. I know "buttocks tight" has nothing to do with it, it just looks good. Buttocks tight, I said. Buttocks tight! Oh, forget it.

Blanche: Will you just calm down? Drink champagne.
Dorothy: I don't like champagne.
Blanche: Go ahead, it might relax you.
Dorothy: Didn't make me relaxed. It just makes me wanna burp. I'll probably burp and the pressure in the cabin will change and we'll fly into a mountain.
Rose: That would be a good example of a mishap.
Dorothy: Rose, do me a favor, fasten your seat belt. Over your mouth!

Rose: Dorothy?
Dorothy: We made a rule. No talking, it shakes the plane.
Rose: I just have to say one thing. If Blanche is right, and we are gonna die this afternoon, I'm glad we're together.
Dorothy: Yes, that's very comforting. Now, shut up.
Blanche: I know what you mean, Rose. We have had some very special times together. Like the time there was that hurricane and all the power went out for two days and we huddled together to keep warm and sang campfire songs and told stories.
Dorothy: Oh, yeah. And Rose admitted that Charlie was the only man she ever slept with.
Rose: And you admitted Stan was the only man you ever slept with.
Blanche: And I admitted my shoe size was really five and a half.

Rose: Uh, everyone? I was supposed to speak at a funeral this afternoon, and now I can't, but I'd still like to give my speech, if no one minds. I wrote some things down but I'd just rather talk. Uh, the funeral was for my Aunt Gretchen. I didn't know her very well. The only thing I remembered about her is she used to scare me. Jumping out of my closet at night, putting false fangs in her mouth, sometimes baying at the moon. Now her dying scares me. But there's a good part to being scared. You get to know who your friends are. They're the ones who help you not be scared. Maybe that's what Aunt Gretchen was trying to do all along. Help me not be scared. I think so. Goodbye, Aunt Gretchen.
Candy: Take a seat, lady. This isn't the Copacabana.

Dorothy: So, tell us about the cooking contest.
Sophia: The competition was fierce. It came down to my mussels marinara, and Louise Pallito's chicken cacciatore.
Dorothy: Louise Pallito? Isn't she the one who brags about being Al Capone's piano teacher?
Sophia: True. 103 years old. Anyway, the judges voted. It was a flat-footed tie. That's when it went into sudden death.
Dorothy: And?
Sophia: I just told you, it was sudden death. Louise couldn't take it. She keeled over. Kaput! The funeral is on Saturday.
Rose: Sophia, that's terrible.
Sophia: You think that's bad? Guess who I volunteered to give the eulogy?

Blanche: Ooh, what smells so good in here? Besides me?

Rose: [sobbing] The mail's here.
Dorothy: Oh, Rose, what's wrong?
Rose: Oh, nothing. It's just a letter I got.
Blanche: It's bad news.
Dorothy: Oh, that's eerie. I had the same feeling.

Dorothy: Honey, now listen. I know an easy way to get through this. The way to relax when you have to speak in front of a group is to imagine what they all look like naked.
Rose: Really?
Dorothy: Yep. And if you do it right, you'll probably even start to laugh.
[Blanche looks at Rose and is silent. She turns to Dorothy and starts laughing. Rose joins in. Dorothy gets up and leaves.]

Dorothy: Rose, listen. You're not the only one who's gone through this. I had a phobia too.
Blanche: You, Dorothy? You were afraid of something? Big, old, strong, strapping thing like you?
Dorothy: Who am I, Joe Frasier?

Blanche: What if you were giving a eulogy for me? What would you say?
Dorothy: Oh, come on, Blanche.
Blanche: I'm serious, Dorothy. What would you say?
Dorothy: Well, I- I guess I'd say that you were a lovely generous person. And, you know, one of the best friends I ever had.
Blanche: Nothing about my looks?
Dorothy: Well, I'd say that you were one of the prettiest friends-
Blanche: "One of'?
Dorothy: "The," Blanche. The prettiest.