Sophia: Sally, what's going on? What's wrong with me?
Salvadore: You think you got problems? Try being dead. Heh heh.
Sophia: Sal! What the hell are you doing here?
Salvadore: Eh, relax. I'm not really here. I'm just a Fig Newton of your imagination.
Sophia: Oh, Sal, it's been so long, I've forgotten how much you used to like Norm Crosby.

Blanche: The problem is, Robert charges $300, and it's just not in my budget this month. Oh, that's the trouble with being beautiful, the maintenance will kill you.
Rose: I have an idea, Blanche. How about moonlighting and making some extra money?
Blanche: Another job? Rose, I already work my fingers to the bone twelve hours a week at the museum. "Picasso on your left, snack bar downstairs." It's a wonder I'm not an alcoholic.

Dorothy: Ma, honey, don't you remember? Friday night we're planning on having dinner at Joe's Stone Crab.
Sophia: Oh?
Dorothy: Hey, it's your wedding anniversary.
Sophia: Oh, yeah, right. Sounds nice.
Dorothy: Ma, you didn't forget, did you?
Sophia: Oh, forgive me, I forgot something. Maybe you should ship me back to Shady Pines. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be in the living room being feeble. If I can find the living room!

Blanche: Dorothy, what just happened?
Rose: Well, weren't you listening? Sophia came in and asked Dorothy to drive her to the mall for a blood pressure test. And then Dorothy told Sophia that they had a date to go out to dinner Friday night, and then Sophia said-
Dorothy: Honey, would you hand me the newspaper?
Rose: Oh.
Dorothy: No, the "Metro" section.
Rose: That she and the girls- [Dorothy hits rose with the newspaper] Hey, don't kill the messenger.

Dorothy: Ma, can we talk for a minute?
Sophia: I'm going through the family album. I thought I'd pay your father a visit.
Dorothy: Look, here we all are!
Sophia: Your sweet sixteen party, right?
Dorothy: Right! Look at that beautiful chiffon dress.
Sophia: Yeah, your brother Phil always did like to make a splash.

Rose: Blanche, I thought you were gonna be working.
Blanche: You don't think playing three sets of tennis in this heat is work?

Sophia: Isn't it good to be back in the old neighborhood, Dorothy? Watching the kids playing stickball on the corner?
Dorothy: Ma, they were beating a man. That was sort of why I called the police.
Sophia: Ah, they were just having a good time.

Dorothy: Now, look, Ma, I don't want you to be disappointed if the new tenants don't let us in.
Man: Buenos di­as.
Sophia: Oh, God! [Dorothy covers Sophia's mouth]
Dorothy: I'm Dorothy Zbornak. This is my mother, Mrs. Petrillo. I know this is going to sound odd, but we used to live here many, many years ago, and we were hoping that we could look around, you know, for old times' sake. Would that be possible? Petrillo?
Man: They let Italians live here?!
Dorothy: Look, we came all the way from Miami. Please?
Man: OK. But don't take anything.

Man: I'm meeting my family, so I can only give you a little while.
Dorothy: Oh, we appreciate it very much. You see, my mother is having a memory problem. We were hoping that if we looked around the apartment-
Man: There's no need to explain. I have an elderly mother myself. Oh, one more thing.
Dorothy: Yes?
Man: Don't take anything.

Dorothy: Ma, we don't have too much time.
Sophia: OK, let's get in the kitchen. I want to show you that heart your father carved for me and prove to you I'm not totally crazy.
Dorothy: Ma, remember, it's only a carving. Don't put all your eggs in one basket.
Sophia: Hey, I may be fading, but that's the sweetest thing that man ever did for me. I know that heart's behind the door. I can't believe it! They must have sanded it off.
Dorothy: No, Ma. No, no. See, Ma, it's our height chart. You can see it through the paint. See? Here's Phil, Gloria, me.