Melissa: Oh, and guess what? Grandma gave me a new nickname to call her in front of the Navy.
Dorothy: Oh, what was that?
Melissa: Sis.
Dorothy: Sis?
Blanche: Well, she calls her other grandmother "Grandma". This just cuts down on the confusion. Run along, darling. Run along.

Blanche: [to Melissa] Honey, the pageant is just a few days away. You can go to that circus any old time. How many years can you enter the Little Miss contest?
Dorothy: Evidently, twenty-three.
Rose: At least my mother voted for me.

Dorothy: Ah, Nurse DeFarge, right on time.
Nurse DeFarge: Of course I'm right on time. I'm always on time. You know what happens when a nurse is late? People die.
Dorothy: Well, then, let's get the party started.

Nurse DeFarge: Now, where's my patient?
Sophia: Don't you mean victim?
Dorothy: Ma!
Nurse DeFarge: Now, look, Sophia, I know you didn't like it at Shady Pines. Nobody did after their families dumped them there. But I'm sure if you just give me a chance, we'll become fast friends.
Sophia: Dorothy, I really wish you'd respect my feelings about this.
Dorothy: Ma, I really wish you had voted for me in the Little Miss Brooklyn pageant.
Sophia: Hey, I calls 'em as I sees 'em.

Nurse DeFarge: Now, ladies, please. Sophia, I'm just here to take care of you. You want your back rubbed? I'm here. A glass of water? Call me. My job is just to see to each and every one of your needs.
Sophia: Will you excuse us? I have to talk something over with my daughter.
Nurse DeFarge: Of course. [walks into living room]
Dorothy: You see, Ma- [Sophia rings bell]
Nurse DeFarge: You rang?
Sophia: You're hired.

Nurse DeFarge: [singing] Well, it won't be a stylish marriage
Sophia: [singing] I can't afford a carriage
Both: [singing] But you'll look sweet upon a seat Of a bicycle built for two
Dorothy: Oh, my God, they've bonded.

Dorothy: Excuse me, we were watching something else.
Nurse DeFarge: Well, Sophia wants to watch Ironside, and I believe a happy patient is a healthy patient. He's a fine detective, isn't he, Sophia?
Sophia: Oh, please, call me Ma.
Dorothy: Ma?
Sophia: Not you.

Nurse DeFarge: Popcorn, Ma?
Sophia: Oh, no, it gets caught in my teeth.
Nurse DeFarge: I tell you what, I'll floss them while you nap.
Sophia: You're a good kid.
Nurse DeFarge: You want plain floss or mint-flavored?
Sophia: Surprise me.

Dorothy: Look, I know you are both upset, but nothing I have heard is grounds for firing the woman.
Nurse DeFarge: Oh, excuse me, ladies. Oh, by the way, Dorothy, a man called wanting to know if you were free Saturday night, but I forgot to write down the number. Sorry. [exits]
Dorothy: Hasta la vista, baby.

Rose: Maybe I better talk to Nurse DeFarge. I think I could handle it with a little more tact.
Nurse DeFarge: [entering] Ah, good morning, ladies.
Rose: Not for you, Nursey-nurse-nurse-nurse.