Adult Adam: [v.o.] It was the most amazing moment ever. It's as if those anonymous dance guys were lifting me to the heavens! Ha-ha! And that's when I saw my angel.
Adam: Hey, Brea! So cool you're celebrating my news!
Brea: What? No, I'm celebrating my news! I got into Brown! [music winds down]
Adam: Brown University? But you were gonna go to NYU!
Brea: It's crazy. I mean, an Ivy League school was a long shot, but I got in! And it's the most amazing feeling ever, like I'm...
Adam: The star of your own giant, upbeat, fantasy sequence dance number?
Brea: Exactly! [music resumes] Let's talk more about it at lunch.
Adam: Wait! This feels like a metaphor!

Barry: [imitates dialling phone] Bee bee boo boo bee bee bee. Bee bee bee. Bee bee bee. Bee bee bee bee bee bee bee.
Adam: Seems like you hit enough numbers.
Barry: It's long distance. Boo boo bee bee bee bee boo... [gasps] Shh, it's ringing.
Joanne: Hello, this is Brea at Brown University. I mention my fancy school a lot in casual conversation.
Barry: [voice breaking] Hi, Brea? It's Adam Goldberg!
Joanne: Adam Who-berg?
Barry: Your boyfriend! Remember, we were confident we'd always be together?
Joanne: Ha! Such young fools. Hold on a sec. Excuse me, entire lacrosse team? Give me five minutes to pretend to still be interested in my high school boyfriend, and then you can take me to dinner.
Adam: She's dating the entire lacrosse team?
Joanne: Oh, my appetite for life has expanded since I left you in the dirt.
Barry: Why don't we just talk till all hours of the morning like we used to?
Joanne: I can't. I'm too busy thriving without you. Pretty soon, I won't even remember your face. [gasps] Whoa, it just happened. I literally couldn't pick you out of a crowd.
Barry: Okay, I'll call you tomorrow?
Joanne: Please don't... or ever. [scoffs] Oh. P.S., I've always had a crush on your brother.
Barry: Click! Scene! Yes! [they high-five] [grunts]
Adam: Okay, you tapped into my deep reservoir of insecurity. What can I do about it?
Barry: Nothing. It's inevitable. Life will imitate great art.

Virginia Kremp: Well, there is a... there's a small, little obstacle, because the person who runs the admission committee is...
Beverly: Jane Bales. [dramatic music plays] Beverly Goldberg.
Jane Bales: Did one of our members hit you with their Saab and then drag you in here to recover from what I assume are multiple facial contusions?
Beverly: Oh, you're about to see how good my backhand is.
Virginia Kremp: [whispers] Bevy, no, no! She's the one in charge.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] This changed everything. My mom's greatest adversary now held the keys to the castle.
Beverly: Jane. [chuckles] You look... Good in the 'hood.
Jane Bales: What are these words? W-Why aren't you attacking me based on your jealousy of my perfect life and slammin' body?

Virginia Kremp: Well, I brought Beverly here because I am hosting, um, Erica's bridal shower, and she just fell in love with the place, so...
Beverly: I-I'm thinking about joining.
Jane Bales: Oh, now I get it. That crazed look in your eye is hope, and it all depends on me.
Beverly: I know we've shared some rib-tickling over the years...
Jane Bales: You forged a "Do Not Resuscitate" order and slipped it in my purse.
Beverly: We have our fun, but you know what's behind all that playful back-and-forth?
Jane Bales: Hm?
Beverly: Friendship.
Jane Bales: Mm. Then, as a friend, would you do a push-up for me? [Virginia gasps]
Beverly: A push-up?
Jane Bales: I mean, it's an exercise, so maybe you don't know it?
Beverly: Sure, I know. Is there a mat or someplace?
Jane Bales: The... The ground. Right here.
Beverly: [laughs] Boom! [laughs] All right, now you do one. You know, for friendship purposes.
Jane Bales: Oh, God, no. I have dignity. Tomorrow, you and I will play tennis, and we'll see how fun you are to have around.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] My mom was determined to become a member of Ginzy's tennis club... Even if it meant being nice to Jane Bales.
Virginia Kremp: Bevy, Jane is just toying with you. She's never gonna let you in.
Beverly: Well, I am not above tickling the turkey's wattle if it gets me into this club, which I have always wanted.
Virginia Kremp: You never saw the inside till yesterday.

Jane Bales: There's the socially ambitious gal whose fate I control. Ugh, what? Was the phrase "tennis whites" too complicated for you? Although, the real takeaway is how poorly it all fits.
Beverly: Ooh, great slam, Jane. You really took me down a peg.
Jane Bales: Let's just get this over with. I'm playing with someone I like at 3:00.
Beverly: Kapow! The hits just keep coming.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Figuratively and literally. To the leg...
Beverly: Ahh! Ooh!
Adult Adam: [v.o.] ...to the stomach.
Beverly: That's bringing up the pickle water. [grunts]
Adult Adam: [v.o.] To her... [Beverly groans] ...lady middle. [Jane Bales laughs] Right in the old breadbasket.
Beverly: Aah!
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Whether she was ready... [Beverly groans] ...or even on the court.
Beverly: Gahh! [Bleep] me!
Jane Bales: [sighs] And that's the set.

Virginia Kremp: [on answer machine] Hi, Beverly. It's Ginzy.
Beverly: We know, who else sounds like they're carrying a grapefruit between their butt cheeks?
Virginia Kremp: Uh, just wanted to let you know that I heard from the club.
Beverly: Ooh, here it comes! I'm gonna be so leathery tan when I'm old.
Virginia Kremp: And unfortunately, the board members voted "no". I'm so sorry.

Adam: Sir or madam, I want to go to Brown. Here's my transcript.
Brown Rep: This transcript is extremely unimpressive.
Adam: Indeed, it is. But my girlfriend is going to Brown, and I need to be near her. Let me in and prove to the world that Brown believes in love.
Brown Rep: But we don't. Now, please go.

Adam: Do you have a film program?
John Calabasas: No, but we do have VCR repair. And if you want to start a film program, have at it.
Adam: I would be closer to my girlfriend, Brea.
John Calabasas: So close. As a matter of fact, most of our students are in a relationship with a Browner.
Adam: "Browner." Is that what you call people who to go Brown?
John Calabasas: Absolutely!
Brown Rep: It's not.
John Calabasas: See? You're already learning.

Brea: Hey, it's the guy who sells yo-yos at the mall.
John Calabasas: Oh, those are light-up yo-yos. There's a distinct and beautiful difference.
Adam: I found a school close to Brown. They don't have a film department, but the VCR repair program is pretty close.
Brea: What are you saying?
Adam: I'm saying our problem is solved, 'cause we'll both be in Rhode Island.
Brea: Adam, you can't just give up NYU!
Adam: Well, someone's got to give up something, and you sure aren't.
Brea: Whoa, so this is my fault?
Adam: No, not fault. I just wish you cared as much as I do.
Brea: Adam, of course I care.
Adam: Sure, you just have a funny way of showing it, because you're doing everything you can not to be together.
Brea: [scoffs] Well, you're right about one thing. I definitely don't want to be with you right now. [walks off]
John Calabasas: Oh. [laughs] Hey, you got into NYU? Wow! Do you want to come teach at PUTS?