Barry Quote #362
Barry: What's that?
Mr. Glascott: Just a lame old sign-up sheet for kids that want to become peer counselors. [Chuckles] It's a boring old club for nerds. You're not a nerd, are you? 'Cause this here, this is nerd city.
Barry: Sign me up.
Mr. Glascott: What? No.
Barry: You're underselling it, which means it's awesome, and I want in.
Mr. Glascott: [Sighs] Look, Mr. Goldberg, I have dreamt of starting a peer-counseling program at this school for years. I need emotionally mature students who are a healing presence in school.
Barry: Well, you just got yourself an officially licensed school therapist.
Mr. Glascott: No! Wow. Do not tell people that.
Barry: It's too late. I signed the sheet, which means I can advise anyone on anything, and they have to listen to me.
Mr. Glascott: That's not what it means.
The Goldbergs Quotes
‘Weird Al’ Quotes
Quote from Pops
Pops: The good news is Adam will be all yours soon enough.
Beverly: What do you mean?
Pops: Look at how they're playing "Super Immigrant Plumbers." Their thumbs are in it, but their hearts aren't.
Beverly: No way. Adam and Dana are as solid as ever.
Pops: Did you see them Pogo Ball? That's a sport for lovers, and they were just going through the motions.
Quote from Barry
Barry: Fellas, I've recently become a fully licensed and bonded medical psychiatrist, so if any of you want to work through your personal issues, this is your safe space.
Andy: I really miss my grandpa.
Barry: You're short, be taller. Boom. Next!
Geoff: There's this girl I like, but she won't give me the time of day.
Barry: Well, that's 'cause you suck at nunchucks, Bro. The fastest way to a girl's heart is some sweet 'chuckin'. Boom. Next!
Naked Rob: I feel like my father doesn't respect me.
Barry: So be less boring. Boom! Next!
Quote from Beverly
Dana: Hi, Mrs. Goldberg.
Beverly: Dana.
Dana: I brought you some coffee beans from Seattle.
Beverly: Aww. That is so thoughtful for someone who drinks coffee. I don't. I'm a tea drinker. You've known me for two years, but thanks for the partial gift, Dana. That's very sweet. Adam, Dana brought me a bag of beans!