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‘Kara-Te’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

The Goldbergs: Kara-Te

111. Kara-Te

Aired December 10, 2013

When Barry signs up for the school's holiday talent show in the hopes of impressing a girl, he's disappointed when his karate act isn't accepted. Nobody is more disappointed than Beverly, who is blinded by her "mom goggles", and intervenes to get Barry added to the show. Soon, Murray wades in to save Barry from humiliation. Meanwhile, Pops tries to convince Erica to perform in the talent show, but she thinks it will harm her reputation.

Quote from Mr. Glascott

Mr. Glascott: I can't take this anymore. You want your kids in, they're in.
Pops: Oh, great! Which one?
Mr. Glascott: I don't know! Both of them? None of them? I really don't care! I mean, it's a stupid freakin' high school talent show! I had one moment of weakness where I tried to do something kind for your son. I apologize! All I care about now is that I owe 20 grand in student loans, I live in a studio apartment above a steaming hot dry cleaner, and I have a second job where I work as a pizza man, and occasionally I get to deliver pizzas to my students. Oh, also I have a parrot that I can't get rid of. They live for 80 years. Did you know that? Nobody tells you about that. You have to put them in your will! It's a nightmare! So, yeah, do whatever you wanna do, 'cause I really don't care!

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Quote from Barry

Barry: I can't go out there!
Adam: What?!
Barry: I can't do it! Dad was right. I'm gonna humiliate myself. They're gonna throw peaches at me!
Adam: Peaches? Who has peaches? What are you talking about?

Quote from Barry

Barry: Well, I got news for you. The audience won't throw peaches. They'll throw flowers. And cheers! And boobs! Naked boobs! Everywhere! Just you watch. Watch! Boobs! Naked!

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: I will not. They're gonna have plenty of people trying to tear them down in life, so while they're under my roof, the least I can do is try to build them up.

Quote from Barry

Adam: Hmm, you know, I was thinking It might be better if you didn't call out your moves first.
Barry: That's a great idea. Sneak attack!
Adam: Argh!

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Oh, look at you, my little kung fu master!
Barry: It's not kung fu. I do kara-te.
Beverly: Bilingual and dangerous? Oh, you are just off the charts amazing, honey.

Quote from Barry

Barry: Locker strike! [slams locker shut with a strike of his hand] Hyah! Ow!
Lexy: Oh, are you okay?
Barry: I'm fine. My hands are like rocks. But they're soft, too. And gentle. Like baby ducks.
Lexy: Weird.

Quote from Barry

Barry: Good evening. Glad you could all make it tonight.
Murray: What, what is this?
Barry: Big announcement. I've decided to do a kara-te routine at the school talent show. Auditions are tomorrow. Now, I don't wanna make too big a deal out of this, but I do believe it will be the greatest moment in the history of everything.

Quote from Murray

Beverly: Oh, my goodness! What a wonderful idea! Murray, isn't this a wonderful idea?
Murray: If I say yes, can I be out of the conversation?

Quote from Beverly

Pops: What about you, Erica? You should absolutely do this talent thing.
Beverly: I've heard you singing Pat Benetton in the shower.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Slow down. What's wrong?
Barry: I didn't get into the talent show.
Beverly: I don't understand.
Barry: They rejected me.
Beverly: That literally makes no sense.
Barry: Everyone who auditioned got in but me.
Beverly: I hear what you're saying, but I cannot wrap my mind around that.
Barry: Mr. Glascott said my routine was too inappropriate.
Beverly: How is being a perfect kara-te angel inappropriate?

Quote from Barry

Adam: Are you crying?
Barry: [voice breaks] No. No! They're warrior's tears, and it doesn't matter. The school said no. I'll never cobra strike again!

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: No one tells my baby he can't cobra strike.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Mr. Glascott! I need to speak to you immediately.
Mr. Glascott: Oh, I'm sorry. I have an important morning meeting with the kids from the math club.
Beverly: The nerds can wait. My son Barry Goldberg cannot.
Mr. Glascott: Are you Beverly Goldberg?
Beverly: Oh, yes, I am.

Quote from Mr. Glascott

Beverly: Tell me, what kind of educator stomps on the dreams of his students?
Mr. Glascott: Look, Barry's a good kid, which is kinda why I discouraged him from taking part in the show. See, some of the more high-profile students here can be very critical, if you follow me.
Beverly: I really don't.
Mr. Glascott: The popular kids here are real douche-sacks. Last year, one kid did a lovely ventriloquist act. The kids well, they did unspeakable things to that doll after the show. Quite frankly, it was very jarring. And Barry's karate is really ripe for that type of ridicule.

Quote from Mr. Glascott

Beverly: Uh, this is high school, not "Star Search". I mean, who died and made you Ed McMahon?
Mr. Glascott: Mr. Johansson. Our gym teacher. He died.
Beverly: Okay, it doesn't matter.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Barry is doing that show. I will go to the top on this. I'll petition the principal, the school board, the superintendent, the mayor's office, the U.S. Secretary of Education, if I have to. So what's it gonna be, Andre?
Mr. Glascott: You know my name.
Beverly: I know everything.

Quote from Murray

Barry: I got into the talent show!
Beverly: (Gasps) That's good news, and very surprising to me.
Barry: Mr. Glascott said the tri-state talent show committee met and ruled that kara-te is an art form.
Murray: Wow, the tri-state talent show committee met. You know, that's almost unbelievable!
Beverly: Well, it happened, so let's just move on.
Adam: Oh, man, we're back in business! Let's get to work!
Barry: I'll go get my nunchucks and firecrackers.
Murray: No firecrackers!

Quote from Beverly

Murray: So you threatened a teacher?
Beverly: Please. I just gently suggested that he do what I say, or there'd be dire consequences.
Murray: Why is it you go trotting down to the school and yell at somebody every time one of our kids doesn't get their way?
Beverly: I'm involved. That's a good thing.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: I had no choice, Murray. Have you even seen Barry do kara-te? It's like a beautiful ballet, but with punching and grunting and rolling around.

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