‘Kara-Te’
Season 1, Episode 11 - Aired December 10, 2013
When Barry signs up for the school's holiday talent show in the hopes of impressing a girl, he's disappointed when his karate act isn't accepted. Nobody is more disappointed than Beverly, who is blinded by her "mom goggles", and intervenes to get Barry added to the show. Soon, Murray wades in to save Barry from humiliation. Meanwhile, Pops tries to convince Erica to perform in the talent show, but she thinks it will harm her reputation.
Quote from Mr. Glascott
Mr. Glascott: I can't take this anymore. You want your kids in, they're in.
Pops: Oh, great! Which one?
Mr. Glascott: I don't know! Both of them? None of them? I really don't care! I mean, it's a stupid freakin' high school talent show! I had one moment of weakness where I tried to do something kind for your son. I apologize! All I care about now is that I owe 20 grand in student loans, I live in a studio apartment above a steaming hot dry cleaner, and I have a second job where I work as a pizza man, and occasionally I get to deliver pizzas to my students. Oh, also I have a parrot that I can't get rid of. They live for 80 years. Did you know that? Nobody tells you about that. You have to put them in your will! It's a nightmare! So, yeah, do whatever you wanna do, 'cause I really don't care!
Quote from Barry
Barry: I can't go out there!
Adam: What?!
Barry: I can't do it! Dad was right. I'm gonna humiliate myself. They're gonna throw peaches at me!
Adam: Peaches? Who has peaches? What are you talking about?
Quote from Barry
Barry: Well, I got news for you. The audience won't throw peaches. They'll throw flowers. And cheers! And boobs! Naked boobs! Everywhere! Just you watch. Watch! Boobs! Naked!
Quote from Beverly
Beverly: I will not. They're gonna have plenty of people trying to tear them down in life, so while they're under my roof, the least I can do is try to build them up.
Quote from Barry
Adam: Hmm, you know, I was thinking It might be better if you didn't call out your moves first.
Barry: That's a great idea. Sneak attack!
Adam: Argh!
Quote from Beverly
Beverly: Oh, look at you, my little kung fu master!
Barry: It's not kung fu. I do kara-te.
Beverly: Bilingual and dangerous? Oh, you are just off the charts amazing, honey.
Quote from Barry
Barry: Locker strike! [slams locker shut with a strike of his hand] Hyah! Ow!
Lexy: Oh, are you okay?
Barry: I'm fine. My hands are like rocks. But they're soft, too. And gentle. Like baby ducks.
Lexy: Weird.
Quote from Barry
Barry: Good evening. Glad you could all make it tonight.
Murray: What, what is this?
Barry: Big announcement. I've decided to do a kara-te routine at the school talent show. Auditions are tomorrow. Now, I don't wanna make too big a deal out of this, but I do believe it will be the greatest moment in the history of everything.
Quote from Murray
Beverly: Oh, my goodness! What a wonderful idea! Murray, isn't this a wonderful idea?
Murray: If I say yes, can I be out of the conversation?
Quote from Beverly
Pops: What about you, Erica? You should absolutely do this talent thing.
Beverly: I've heard you singing Pat Benetton in the shower.