Barry: If you don't help me, it'll get a lot worse. Mark my words. There will be no butt unwedgied, no willie unwetted, and no nurple unpurple. It will be a twenty-four hour a day, full body beatdown.

Barry: Time to get pumped! Celebratory butt hat.
Adam: No, this is not a celebration.

Murray: That nerd can't compete with Reagan. Reagan likes Jelly Beans. He's got the hair of a Greek God. What's not to like?

Erica: Well, I care about the issues.
Murray: There's only one issue that matters in this race, and that's taxes. Mondale specifically said he would raise them.
Erica: That's all you care about? Taxes?
Murray: Yes! Why do you think we had Adam? He was a write-off.

Erica: Mom, we're talking about important issues right now. Who are gonna vote for?
Beverly: Murray, who am I going to vote for?
Murray: Reagan.
Beverly: Reagan.

Erica: There's a whole world outside of this house. Don't you want to make it a better place for your children and grandchildren?
Beverly: Oh, you're gonna give me grandbabies. Oh. You're not pregnant now?

Beverly: Nancy is just like me. She calls all the shots, she loves kids, she hates crack rock. She even has her own anti-drug campaign, "Just Say No".

Beverly: I think I'm gonna go down to the local campaign office and start handing out "Just Say No" t-shirts. I can not thank you enough for opening my eyes to this, Erica. I hate drugs so f$#!@*& much. But I love you.

Beverly: Look at me, boopi. I'm all political.

Barry: I know I don't say this enough, but you really are a good brother.
Adam: You really don't need to thank me.
Barry: That's why I decided to get you a little something. Here. That's the first day we ever met. Mom & Dad said they were bringing me a gift back from the hospital. And it turned out to be you. You were the greatest gift I ever got.
Adam: Ohhhh ... that's too nice for the circumstances.