‘Circle of Driving’
Season 1, Episode 1 - Aired September 24, 2013
On his sixteenth birthday, Barry is excited to get his ticket to independence: a set of wheels. Unfortunately, Beverly doesn't think he is is mature enough to drive yet. Meanwhile, Beverly starts to think her dad is too mature to be driving. As the family argue over who should be driving, Adam gets Pops' help to try impress a girl.
Quote from Adam
Adam: Mom, they don't zip. Can you help me with this?
Beverly: Oh, look at you. Oh, why go shopping when your sister's jeans fit you so perfectly?
Adam: Fit me perfectly? They're horrible. They're roomy in the hips and tight in the front. I look like Brooke Shields.
Beverly: And she's beautiful.
Quote from Murray
Barry: Dad, please talk some sense into your wife. She saying some pretty controversial things over there.
Murray: I agree with whatever nonsense your mother just said.
Barry: Come on, this is not fair.
Murray: Who the hell told you life was fair, ya moron?
Quote from Beverly
Beverly: Don't get your father all worked up.
Murray: I'm already all worked up.
Beverly: Honey, calm down. Breathe.
Murray: I'm breathin', okay?
Beverly: You're killing your father. I hope you're having a happy birthday.
Quote from Beverly
Erica: What?! So Barry has a car and no license, and I have a license and no car? That makes no sense.
Beverly: You know what else makes no sense? Those peach wine coolers I found hiding in your closet. Yeah, I'm everywhere.
Quote from Pops
Pops: And you can't just go in and honk 'em. It's all about the cuppage. Be gentle. Those puppies are sensitive.
Adam: I just wanna bury my face in 'em.
Pops: We all do, but you gotta earn it.
Quote from Adam
Adam: Whassup, girl? The check, please.
Waitress: You got it, Alan.
Adam: Did you hear that? She just called me Alan.
Pops: That's not your name.
Adam: I'll change it. I'm Alan now.
Quote from Pops
Pops: Looks like I better get on home and take this all in.
Can I have the keys?
Murray: No.
Pops: You're out of my will.
Murray: You're out of my will. That's right. We'll see who croaks first.
Quote from Murray
Murray: Okay, if you got no problem letting go, then I'm gonna take Barry for a driving lesson.
Beverly: (Snorts derisively) You two stuck in the same car together? That'll go well. Good luck not flipping out.
Murray: I don't need luck. I'm gonna teach him good. I'm gonna parent the [beep] out of him.
Quote from Murray
Murray: Do not hit the child in the back. That's way too advanced.
Quote from Adam
Beverly: Baby, you're not ready for girls. You don't even have pit hair.
Adam: I have three.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] I didn't.