Captain Roger: [over P.A.] Hey, folks. This is your captain. There's a large storm brewing. It's gonna get bumpy, so hang on to those cigarettes.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Despite the rough air, we were finally ready for takeoff. And knowing my family, it was gonna get even bumpier.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] The Goldbergs were in the air. And while my dad was out cold, Barry was still fired up.
Ren: Barry, enough! Let him have it. He's the one stuck in the middle.
Ted: In more ways than one.
Barry: No one's talking to you, Middle.
Ren: Bar, just try to focus on the good stuff, okay? We're going to Miami together.
Barry: [sighs] You're right. This is special.
Ren: It really is.
Ted: Not for me.
Barry: But I want it to be more than special. Which is why you should be in first class. Outta my way. Crubbs a-comin' through!

Adult Adam: [v.o.] While Barry was settling in, Erica wasn't letting Geoff get comfortable.
Erica: Oh, let me give you this pillow. [hits Geoff] Sleepy time's over. Now talk.
Geoff: There's nothing to talk about! And now I got sandwich on my Crockett pants!
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Erica could care less about linen pants. She knew she had to get Geoff to crack.
[Erica pushes Geoff into the bathroom]
Geoff: Oh, no! It's happening again!
Erica: I know you know what my mom is up to.
Geoff: Windpipe so tight, but also our bodies are pressed so close. Conflicting feelings. [both emerge from the bathroom]
Erica: Not to worry, folks. [chuckles] My boyfriend got extreme diarrhea, but nothing I can't handle.
Beverly: Geoff, do you need me to help you with your extreme diarrhea?
Erica: He's fine. He was holding something in, but it's all out now.
Ted: What the hell is wrong with you people? That's an adult man!

Beverly: Murray, are you in there?
Murray: [grunts] Ohh.
Beverly: Excuse me. Um, you've over-served my husband, and now he's trapped in the bathroom.
Ted: They're having a lot of issues in there.
Ren: [door handle rattles] I can't get it open. Something's wedged against the door.
Beverly: Must be my grumpy bear. [P.A. chimes] Excuse me. Uh, is there a licensed locksmith on the plane? [chuckles] My husband is trapped in our bathroom.
Erica: [P.A. dings] Well, you better get him out, because he's the only one that's going with you to that Bar Mitzvah. That's right. We all know.
Beverly: Geoffrey, that was our special bathroom secret!
Geoff: I'm sorry, Mrs. G. Also, I would like to announce that I do not have extreme diarrhea.
Barry: [over P.A.] No one cares about your jacked-up butt, Geoff! All they care about is that our garbage mom lied to us!
Captain Roger: [over P.A.] Folks, the PA system is for the cabin crew only.
Beverly: [P.A. chimes] So, there's no beach. You still get to groove to slightly out-of-date pop tunes with middle schoolers.
Adam: [over P.A.] No way! We're not going anywhere with you!

Captain Roger: [enters] [over P.A.] This is the captain. I can't fly with someone trapped in the lavatory. We're making an emergency landing. [passengers groan]
Barry: Hi. I'm Barry Goldberg, the rival stag you've been smelling.
Captain Roger: Get back to your seats.
Adam: Surely, you can't be serious.
Captain Roger: If you don't, I'll have you arrested.
Adam: That's... Not the line.

Geoff: Bar Mitzvah or not, it's still a trip to Miami.
Erica: Yeah, which is ruining our last week of summer.
Adam: And because of that, I've developed a drinking problem. [fails to crush paper cup against forehead] That's from Airplane!, but it works here.
Brea: It really doesn't. Look, Adam, I've been trying to tell you something this whole flight, something I've been able to hide our entire relationship.
Barry: This happens a lot. She's in love with me.
Brea: Definitely not. It's this. [puts on headgear]
Adam: So much metal.
Brea: I have to wear this hours a day until my jaw's realigned.
Adam: What an intense chin strap.
Brea: I was embarrassed about it, but turns out you're much more embarrassing.
Adam: Is that cowhide?

Erica: Well, I think we can all agree this is our mom's fault. She's the worst.
Geoff: Or maybe you are. I... I'm sorry, but I was forced into that tiny sky bathroom too many times. And all your mom wanted to do was show you guys off.
Barry: That tracks. We are the best.
Erica: Well, it doesn't change the fact that she tricked us into coming.
Beverly: I had to! Do you guys remember my cousin Larry's son's wedding last year? Or Great Aunt Peggy's funeral? Or the 90th birthday dinner for Uncle Leonard?
Adam: No.
Erica: Who?
Barry: I have a very busy schedule.
Beverly: Exactly, 'cause every time there's a big event, none of you will come with me. I've got these great kids, and all anyone knows about them is that they never show up.
Erica: Oh, man, she went and made it real.
Beverly: Sometimes I can't believe what I have... A son who's gonna be a doctor, and another one who's so imaginative, I'm constantly in awe. And a daughter who's as smart and tough as any woman I've ever known. Just want the rest of the family to see what I have. [sighs]
Adam: [inhales sharply] Yikes.
Barry: Yeah. I didn't know we had an Uncle Leonard, either.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] With that, we unleashed our embarrassing, shameful Goldberg fury.
Erica: [voice breaking] You don't understand. We have to get on that plane.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Erica channeled her inner Beverly by going nuclear on customer service. Barry showed the captain who was really in charge. And I weaponized my love of Airplane! to wear down the gate agent.
Beverly: They love me. They really love me!
Murray: Eh, I hope that's what this is.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] And before long, against all odds, we were on our way again to Miami.

Ted: Oh, no! They promised me you wouldn't be back!
Barry: Don't worry. You can take the aisle if you want. I'd rather sit next to my girlfriend.
Ren: You sure you don't want to be in first class?
Barry: I don't know what I was thinking. The seat next to you is the best one there is.
Ted: I'm out. I'll meet my birth mother some other time.

Adam: For the record, I think you look adorable in your headgear.
Brea: Really? I hate it so much.
Adam: It means we have even more in common than we thought.
Brea: You have headgear, too?
Adam: And corrective lenses for my lazy eye, special inserts for my flat feet, and like five different inhalers.
Brea: I guess we're both kind of a mess, then.
Adam: As long as we're a mess together.
Brea: Oh. Right. These don't recline.
Adam: You can lean on me instead.
Brea: Roger, Roger.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Turns out my love of one little movie rubbed off in an unexpected way.