‘Will's Misery’
Season 5, Episode 6 - Aired October 17, 1994
Will gets more than he bargained for when he accepts an invitation from Lisa (Nia Long) to a date in a cabin.
Quote from Will
Will: [whimpering] You're right, I'm so sorry. I'm a dog. I'm the fresh prince of the pound. The doggiest of all dogs.
Stephanie: Unbelievable. Will Smith apologizing. My sisters, welcome the newest member of Kappa Phi Gamma, Lisa Wilkes.
Lisa: All right. [all cheering]
Will: Hey, wait, wait, wait. Whoa, hold up. What, y'all just gonna leave me hanging up here like a piece of Rotisserie Gold, huh? [barks]
Quote from Will
Lisa: Oh. So Mr. Dirty Dog is trying to make a phone call, is he?
Will: So you mean to tell me for 5 extra dollars, I could get HBO? [Lisa throws the phone on the floor] Okay, basic cable is cool.
Quote from Will
Will: What is...? Carlton, quick, get a bat, let's bust this piñata.
Quote from Will
Carlton: Don't worry about it, Dad, he got his earlier. Today, this entire group of girls made a fool out of Will. Not one of them would fall for his lines.
Geoffrey: Master William, it's for you. A Lisa Wilkes.
Carlton: Okay, one.
Will: Carlton, man, can I help it if I say the things that women wanna hear? [takes the phone] What's up, chumpy?
Quote from Carlton
Hilary: I was so lucky I found this hat. It was the last extra extra extra large.
Philip: Well, gee, the gods must be smiling on me.
Carlton: And I'd guess there's some laughing and pointing going on too. [both laughing]
Vivian: Oh, honey, I think it's cute.
Hilary: Really? I'm going to the pro shop to buy you a matching outfit right now.
Vivian: Well, honey, I quit playing golf.
Quote from Geoffrey
Philip: You know, when they redesigned this golf course I thought it might raise our property values. But it's making it dangerous for us to be here.
Geoffrey: Sir, perhaps you could get them to erect a... [gets hit by a golf ball] fence. [passes out]
Quote from Will
Lisa: Will, you're so romantic, I don't know why you have such a horrible reputation.
Will: Yeah, you know, I'm really just misunderstood. You spend a little time with me, you'll see I'm actually pretty cool.
[Will screams as he bites into a hot marshmallow. After jumping up on the bed in agony, he rushes to the other side of the room, removes flowers from a vase and drinks the water. He groans from the taste before wiping his face on the curtains] Now, where were we?
Quote from Will
Lisa: We're gonna play cops and robbers.
Will: [sings] Oh, girl now Make it more better now...
Lisa: I'm gonna be the cop and you're gonna be the nasty old robber.
Will: Just call me public enemy number one.
Lisa: So how do you like the game so far?
Will: Beat the hell out of playing Stratego with Carlton. Ow! That's kind of tight. Oh, I mean, I know my rights. I think I'm entitled to one frisk.
Lisa: Shut up!
Will: Huh? I thought you were good, but you're not good. You've caused so much pain to so many women. You're just a dirty dog. And now it's payback time.
Will: Baby, you're kind of killing the mood. Ow! What are you, a psycho?
Lisa: You don't know how tired I am of hearing that. [exits]
Will: Huh?
Quote from Will
Nicky: [answers phone] Hello?
Will: Hey, hey. Nicky, it's Will.
Nicky: Oh, hi, Will.
Will: Nicky, I need some help. I need you to get a grownup.
Nicky: Carlton!
Will: Nicky, I said a grownup.
Quote from Will
Lisa: I hope you don't mind if I freshen up a little bit for you.
Will: What you doing?
Lisa: I just wanna look pretty for you.
Will: And you do. You do. You know, I saw a great dress to go with that lipstick.
Lisa: You did?
Will: Yeah, and you know what, if you untie me we'll drive down and get it before it closes.
Lisa: Do I look like a fool to you?
Will: No, not a fool. Hey, wait, wait, where you going?
Lisa: To get the dress. [exits]
Will: Oh, Lord.