Will: Your son is about to throw his life away and all you can say is "fine"?
Philip: Look, if I stop him from bowling, I will be doing exactly what he's accusing me of. He just needs a little space. He will get over this.
Will: Uncle Phil, man, I think we need to nip this thing in the bud.
Philip: Oh, it's just a phase, Will. Just a phase.
Will: Just a phase? We worked our fingers to the bone to put him through school. He's about to throw it all away and I'm the only one who wants to do anything? It is a sad, sad day when Will Smith becomes the voice of reason.

Will: Hey, G, come on, man. Can I get some spare change?
Geoffrey: No. Use your own money.
Will: G, come on. It's dime-a-frame bowling day. It's always more fun when you use other people's dimes.
Geoffrey: For the last time, Master William, I have no spare change.
Will: What about that piggy bank in your closet under them issues of Big Butted Butler Babes? That was just a lucky guess, man.

Hilary: Here is the church. Here is the steeple. Open the door and... Where are all the people?!

Hilary: Why didn't anyone remind me that I hate children?
Philip: My God, Hilary, what happened to you?
Hilary: I went on a nature walk with those little blue people. It was awful. We were startled by a deer, swarmed by butterflies. And I have such a headache from that babbling brook.

Will: Oh, Hil, why so blue?
Hilary: Ha, ha. I volunteered to spend the weekend with a flock of Blue Birds.
Will: Well, just keep them away from my car. I just got it waxed.
Hilary: They're not real birds. They're like Girl Scouts. And I am the honorary Hen Mother.
Philip: Hilary, that's wonderful. What do you have planned?
Hilary: Planned? I don't know. I thought I'd just watch them run around.
Philip: Sweetheart, I think groups like this usually like to do outdoorsy things. You know, like camping, hiking, horseback riding.
Hilary: They do? Oh.

Philip: Oh. A Afro pick. I wonder who this belonged to.
Carlton: Hey, look, it's Dad's Phi Beta Kappa key.
Will: Man, look, defensive player of the year.
Carlton: Wow, look at all this stuff. Valedictorian, voted most popular, captain of the debating team.
Will: Yo, Uncle Phil was just straight up the man around that joint.
Carlton: Oh, my God. He's shaking hands with President Johnson. Will, I don't know if I can do this.
Will: I don't think you wanna be shaking hands with President Johnson right now.
Carlton: That's not what I mean. I mean, I knew Dad was, you know, a big deal and everything, but my God, how do you follow this?
Will: Carlton, what are you talking about?
Carlton: Well, as hard as I work and as well as I do the best that I'll ever be is not quite as good as Dad. I don't know if I can do this. I don't know if I could ever fill Dad's shoes. I don't know if I could ever be... good enough.

Will: Hey, hey, hey. What's all the noise, Big Birds?
Girl Scout: It's not Big Birds, Big Ears. It's Blue Birds.
Will: Big Ears. That's funny. I'm gonna remember that when cookie time roll around.

Hilary: Oh, Geoffrey, who am I kidding? I can't do any of this. I've even heard rumblings that I'm not any fun.
Geoffrey: Nonsense, Miss Hilary. Now, Master Carlton, he's no fun. But you're a splendid young lady with a lot to offer. If you just pick something you like and are good at those girls will have a wonderful time with you.
Hilary: Geoffrey, do you really mean that?
Geoffrey: No. It just seemed the right thing to say.

Will: What happened to the guy whose biggest dream was to go to Princeton University?
Carlton: Look, I used to have a lot of dreams, Will. I used to dream that I was being chased by hot dogs and doughnuts. But it's just a dream. It means nothing. This is reality.
Will: Carlton, this isn't reality. This is stupid.
Carlton: Will, my dad supports me. Why can't you?
Will: Your dad isn't thinking straight. The man's hopped up on a 25-year-old Twinkie.

Philip: Hilary, how's it going with your little Blue Birds?
Hilary: Terrific. We finally found something that we can really connect on. Where are they? Come on, girls. Hurry it up. Last one in the sauna is gonna get clogged pores.