Hilary: Banks, party of six, please.
Sheriff: Excuse me?
Hilary: I'm sorry. I see they've already been seated. Sorry. When I realized I'd have to raise my right hand, I stopped to buy gloves. Could you just die?

Will: So, Hilary, has Eric shown you his legal briefs?
Carlton: I don't like that guy. He's a pompous, preppie, suck-up. He reminds me of someone.

Will: Surprise! You've heard of the Batmobile, get a load of the Rapmobile.
Philip: I have never seen so much trash in one car.
Jazz: [sits up in the backseat] Yo, who cut the- Oh, Mr. Banks. Sorry, I didn't see you. As hard as that is to believe.

Philip: I object because the volume of the stereo has absolutely no bearing on my client's ability to operate a vehicle.
Judge Wilson: Objection sustained. Mr. Sanders, how much are you suing for?
Eric: $2,500 in damages.
Judge Wilson: Would the defense like to make an opening statement?
Philip: No, Your Honor. I'd like to call my first witness, Will Smith.
Bailiff: Raise your right hand. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?
Will: l do. And I categorically deny all the charges against me. This is something that's been drummed up by the Democrats. My fault. A little too much CNN.

[The house shakes as Naughty By Nature's O.P.P. plays in the distance]
Vivian: What is that?
Philip: Vivian, I think it's the big one.
Geoffrey: Not unless he's "down with OPP." "Yeah, you know me."

Will: About to shake them, not trying to break them. Let's go. Looking for Little Joe. Everybody scream when "deuce deuce" hit the floor.
Carlton: There, right where you belong, in jail.
Will: Hey, Aunt Viv, can I borrow some money for protection while I'm in the slammer? I am kind of cute, you know.
Vivian: Sorry, baby, the rent just went up. And I am moving on up to Park Place. My turn. Looking for Little Joe, Momma's gonna buy a new Gucci bag from the store.

Vivian: So, then, Eric, did you two have a nice time at dinner?
Eric: Oh, yes, ma'am. The restaurant Mr. Banks recommended was excellent. The view was magnificent and of course it was only enhanced by your beautiful daughter. [Hilary giggles] And I can definitely see where she gets her looks from. [Vivian & Hilary giggle]
Will: Man, I thought you sucked up. You're just a Dustbuster compared to that dude.
Carlton: Oh yeah? When I'm his age I'll be twice the suck-up.

Carlton: Still hiding from Dad, huh?
Will: Look, man, I am not hiding, all right? [Phil walks up behind Will] I bought a car, I drove a car, and I had a wreck. So what? l'll tell Uncle Phil that to his face.
Carlton: Hi, Dad.
Will: Oh, now that's extremely creative, Carlton. "Look behind you, there's Dad." Ooh. [reaches back with his hand] Ooh, I sure hope Luther Vandross is in the house.

Judge Wilson: Let's see. Case number 3005, Sanders v. Banks. Says here the defendant, Will Smith, allegedly sideswiped the plaintiff, Eric Sanders at the home of Philip Banks. Home. Must be nice. My wife took mine in our divorce settlement. I hate her, I hate her, I hate her! Well then, Mr. Sanders, would you like to approach the bench and give us your opening statement?
Eric: Why, yes, Your Honor. And, by the way, I am deeply sorry about your domestic situation. [Will makes sucking sounds] Your Honor, I was backing out of the Banks' driveway when I heard loud, obnoxious music of the rap persuasion. The next thing I knew, Will Smith recklessly sideswiped my sole means of transportation.
Philip: I object, Your Honor.
Will: Yes, Your Honor, I object, this man is badgering the witness.
Judge Wilson: Young man, there is no witness.
Will: I know, I just always wanted to say that.

Philip: Son, what are you doing still up? It's a school night.
Will: Uh... Um... Homework, Uncle Phil. I'm watching a television program on farm practices in the Midwest. Look, Arnold the pig is wearing Eddie Albert's pajamas.
Philip: Yeah, I've seen that one. Turn it off. Go to bed.