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‘She Ain't Heavy’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: She Ain't Heavy

208. She Ain't Heavy

Aired November 4, 1991

After Will has an enjoyable blind date with Dee Dee (Queen Latifah), his hang-up about her weight keeps him from asking her to the dance.

Quote from Vivian

Vivian: Okay, here are the files you asked for, sweetheart.
Philip: Thank you. Um, I need a copy of the Richburg merger and find out if we got a continuance on the Seger case.
Vivian: Philip, I am tired of this. You're just lying on your back giving orders, and I'm doing all the work. Why does this seem so familiar?

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Quote from Will

Dee Dee: Hi, I'm Dee Dee. I can't believe we got center court, floor seats to the Lakers' game. That's my team. I know they're gonna kick butt tonight. Don't you think? [Will is silent] Hello? I know they don't walk in LA, but I at least hoped they talked.
Will: I'm Will and this is my cousin Carlton.
Dee Dee: Hi. Can you do that and walk at the same time?
Carlton: That's darn clever. So, Dee Dee, what school do you go to?
Dee Dee: Well, I just moved here-
Will: Listen, Dee Dee, you know what? I don't think I'm gonna be able to take you to that game 'cause I got all this stuff piled in my car. There probably wouldn't be enough room for you. I mean, not just you, anybody.
Dee Dee: What are you talking about?
Will: Our blind date to the game.
Dee Dee: Blind date? No, see, I don't do blind dates. I mean, you think it's gonna be Mr. Right and then it ends up being some tall, skinny guy with big ears and weird clothes. I mean, not just you, anybody.

Quote from Will

Dee Dee: Look, Will, you are entitled to your opinion but the best movie ever made was not Cleopatra Jones. It was Casablanca.
Will: Oh, please. Here you have a movie set in Africa, there's only one brother in the whole thing, and he's from Detroit.

Quote from Carlton

Carlton: Oh, this is just fine and dandy. The cleaners shrunk my tux.
Will: Oh, Carl, man, you can wear that. Just put it on and say, "Boss, da plane, da plane."
Dee Dee: Why don't you just rent a tux?
Carlton: Great. Wear used clothes. Why don't I just go pitch a tent under a freeway and eat cold beans with a stick?

Quote from Will

Philip: What do you want, Will?
Will: Yo, them two Lakers tickets you promised me. I'm taking Jazz.
Philip: No, you're not. I'm giving the other one to one of my clients' daughters.
Will: Oh, I get it, I get it, I get it. This is a setup, right? Come on, Uncle Phil, no way. I can't let my man down.
Philip: They're floor seats, center court.
Will: You know, come to think of it, I don't even know if Jazz likes basketball.

Quote from Will

Vivian: Don't try to move the couch, Philip. Just forget the earring.
Philip: [pained] I can't.
Vivian: Why not?
Philip: Because I can't stand up.
Will: In theory, that probably means that you can't run, either. Right? Which probably makes this a pretty good time to tell you that I wore that earring to school today.
Philip: Get him, Vivian.

Quote from Geoffrey

Carlton: Well, Geoffrey, it looks like I'm all ready for the harvest dance. Tux? Check. Shoes? Check. And a pure silk, hand-stitched pocket square.
Geoffrey: Exquisite.
Will: Man, it is definitely peach season, man.
[Will places the remainder of his peach in Carlton's pocket square, which he proceeds to blow his nose with]
Carlton: Will, that's disgusting.
[Carlton picks up the pocket square with tongs]
Carlton: Would you please clean this for me, Geoffrey?
Geoffrey: I would prefer an assassin's bullet to this kind of living hell.
Will: Yo, I think G's drawers must be bunching again.

Quote from Will

Carlton: So have you got a date to the dance yet?
Will: I will when I call Claudia.
Carlton: Claudia? As in head cheerleader? Why don't you just ask Sinead O'Connor?
Will: I did, but she had to wash her hair.

Quote from Geoffrey

Dee Dee: Okay, but you know a movie I really like?
Will: What?
Dee Dee: Shaft.
Will: Shut your mouth.
Dee Dee: I'm talking about Shaft.
Will: Then we can dig it.
Geoffrey: [talks] "He's a complicated man but no one understands him but his woman." John Shaft.
Will: Thanks a lot, G. [Will and Dee Dee put straws up their noses and imitate walruses] Hey, what's up, G? You don't think that's funny?
Geoffrey: Yes. I'm about to laugh myself into a seizure.

Quote from Will

Will: I mean, I've already asked Claudia, almost.
Dee Dee: You know, right, cool.
Will: Well, you know, see, I'm still trying to get my rap together. I got as far as, "Yo, yo, baby. Yo, baby, yo."
Dee Dee: Look, I don't mean to butt in, but I'm sure her name is not Yo and I know she ain't got your baby. I mean, why don't you try something more honest like: I think you're great. I'd be honored if you'd go to the dance with me.
Will: Honest. Damn, what a concept. You know, thank you. See, you know what? Most women won't tell you stuff like that.
Dee Dee: That's cool, you know.
Will: No, really, you're different. You know, I mean, you're not afraid to just say what you think, you know or do something silly, or, you know, just bug out. That's decent. You make me feel so... Man, I don't know. So. So hungry. Hungry is what you make me. Yeah, man. I could go for a nacho refill, right? Yeah? Right, I'm gonna make this call to Claudia first though, right? You know, I mean, I don't want to forget what you said. Honest, right?
Dee Dee: Honest.

Quote from Carlton

Carlton: There's a hex on me. All the tuxes that are halfway acceptable in this town have been rented. My shoes, which I put outside for a final Scotchgarding were carried off by a Labrador retriever. What else could go wrong?
Will: How about that big old zit on your nose?
Carlton: [gasps]

Quote from Vivian

Will: You know, I don't even know why I'm making such a big deal about this. She's not even my type.
Vivian: Well, you like the same movies, same music same food, same jokes and you both enjoy sticking straws up your noses.
Will: I know, Aunt Viv, but other than that we don't have nothing in common.
Vivian: It's her weight, isn't it? You may have noticed that your Uncle Philip is overweight. [Will shakes his head] And you may also have noticed that I could care less and that I love him very, very much.
Carlton: Dad changed his mind. He doesn't want a Belgian waffle. He wants you to use his new Sandwich King to make a chili-pocket sandwich.
Vivian: I'll put some chili in his pocket.

Quote from Philip

Vivian: Philip, if you ever want to stand up straight again you need some rest.
Philip: Okay, I'll just lay here and do nothing flat on my back.
[After Vivian leaves the room, Phil jumps out of bed]
Vivian: Philip, I'm so sorry if I was... stupid enough to think that there was something really wrong with you.
Philip: Vivian, it's a miracle. I can walk!

Quote from Will

Will: Where'd you find him at? Rent-a-sucker?
Dee Dee: Look, I'm on a date, Will. You know, like when a guy who likes a girl, asks her out and they go somewhere and he still acts nice to her when they get there? You know, I do go on dates.
Will: Look, Dee Dee, I just thought that-
Dee Dee: You just thought that 'cause I'm not a size six, no one would ask me out. Well, not everyone feels like that. I mean that's just your hang-up, isn't it?
Will: Dee Dee, listen. I really like you a lot, all right?
Dee Dee: You really like being with me as long as no one thinks you're with me. I mean, I'm sorry, but that's just not good enough for me.

Quote from Carlton

Will: You know, Dee Dee I never thought I'd have you in bed on the first night.
Dee Dee: Well, I can honestly say this is the first time I've ever done this.
Man: [on TV] This clever device is probably...
Philip: I can't believe we didn't get in on that abdominizer.
Vivian: Well, that's because you couldn't decide between the chocolate gavel and the picture of the dogs playing poker.
Geoffrey: Will you two be quiet? I'm trying to hear the musical toilet seat.
Carlton: It's 12:01. Thank God this day is over. I look like I escaped from the '70s. I've spent the whole night with two guys who consider picking their faces a hobby, and I got a flat tire on the way home. I just want to sit down and pretend this never happened. And if one more thing happens to me, I'm gonna kill myself. [the bed collapses]

Quote from Will

Vivian: I can't feel it yet, Philip.
Philip: Move a little to the right, baby.
Will: [loudly] I'm about to go downstairs to the family room. Gee, I hope there ain't nobody down there getting busy.
Philip: Will, your aunt thought her earring rolled under the couch.
Will: Look, man, y'all are married. Where y'all put your earrings is your business.

Quote from Will

Will: Yo, what's up, Uncle Phil? Hey, yo, the game was live, man. The Sixers crushed the Lakers. I never heard so much rough language in my life.
Philip: Was Dee Dee offended?
Will: No, only when they told her to shut up. You know, Dee Dee is real cool, though, man. She's coming over tomorrow. We gonna listen to some tapes.
Philip: Oh, sounds like you two are getting along.
Will: Yeah.
Philip: Why don't you ask her to the dance?
Will: [laughs] [both laugh] You're clowning me, right, Uncle Phil? No, but look, man, I'm telling you, Dee Dee is real down and everything, but you know how it would be to take somebody to the dance that's real big. On sports, big... Yeah, well, look, I already asked Claudia anyway almost.

Quote from Will

Hilary: I came to keep you company. Where's the remote?
Philip: Ow. Oh, darling, there's nothing on TV to stimulate the intelligent mind.
Will: Uncle Phil, you must be tripping, man. This is the episode of Star Trek where Captain Kirk sleeps with that green girl.
Hilary: Will, that is such worthless drivel. Oh look, the home-shopper's channel.
Man: [on TV] So with the Sandwich King all you need is two pieces of white bread and a can of delicious chili.
And in less than a minute you have a mouthwatering chili-pocket. You gourmets may want to squirt a little cheese on top.
Will: Yuck. Man, I haven't heard of nothing that disgusting since Clarence Thomas found that hair on his cola.

Quote from Will

Will: I'm finished with my hoagie, Aunt Viv. I'm gonna go meet Dee Dee for a pizza.
Vivian: Dee Dee? ls that who you're taking to the dance?
Will: Oh, no, no, no, Aunt Viv. See, it's not like that with me and Dee Dee. We're just buddies. I'm going with Claudia Prescott. Mmm. That girl's built to take all of my money.
Ashley: I like Dee Dee. She's fun.
Hilary: And she's cute. But I'm worried about her cholesterol level.

Quote from Will

Kellogg: Good work, bro. She's quite a fly sister.
Cartwell: Yeah, and I bet she's tons of fun.
Will: You know, as a matter of fact, she is.
Kellogg: Hey, good honey is hard to find.
Alex: Of course, that one would be hard to lose.
Will: Cornflake, remind me to talk about them guy's mothers when we get to school on Monday.

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