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‘She Ain't Heavy’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: She Ain't Heavy

208. She Ain't Heavy

Aired November 4, 1991

After Will has an enjoyable blind date with Dee Dee (Queen Latifah), his hang-up about her weight keeps him from asking her to the dance.

Quote from Vivian

Vivian: Okay, here are the files you asked for, sweetheart.
Philip: Thank you. Um, I need a copy of the Richburg merger and find out if we got a continuance on the Seger case.
Vivian: Philip, I am tired of this. You're just lying on your back giving orders, and I'm doing all the work. Why does this seem so familiar?

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Quote from Will

Dee Dee: Hi, I'm Dee Dee. I can't believe we got center court, floor seats to the Lakers' game. That's my team. I know they're gonna kick butt tonight. Don't you think? [Will is silent] Hello? I know they don't walk in LA, but I at least hoped they talked.
Will: I'm Will and this is my cousin Carlton.
Dee Dee: Hi. Can you do that and walk at the same time?
Carlton: That's darn clever. So, Dee Dee, what school do you go to?
Dee Dee: Well, I just moved here-
Will: Listen, Dee Dee, you know what? I don't think I'm gonna be able to take you to that game 'cause I got all this stuff piled in my car. There probably wouldn't be enough room for you. I mean, not just you, anybody.
Dee Dee: What are you talking about?
Will: Our blind date to the game.
Dee Dee: Blind date? No, see, I don't do blind dates. I mean, you think it's gonna be Mr. Right and then it ends up being some tall, skinny guy with big ears and weird clothes. I mean, not just you, anybody.

Quote from Will

Dee Dee: Look, Will, you are entitled to your opinion but the best movie ever made was not Cleopatra Jones. It was Casablanca.
Will: Oh, please. Here you have a movie set in Africa, there's only one brother in the whole thing, and he's from Detroit.

Quote from Carlton

Carlton: Oh, this is just fine and dandy. The cleaners shrunk my tux.
Will: Oh, Carl, man, you can wear that. Just put it on and say, "Boss, da plane, da plane."
Dee Dee: Why don't you just rent a tux?
Carlton: Great. Wear used clothes. Why don't I just go pitch a tent under a freeway and eat cold beans with a stick?

Quote from Will

Philip: What do you want, Will?
Will: Yo, them two Lakers tickets you promised me. I'm taking Jazz.
Philip: No, you're not. I'm giving the other one to one of my clients' daughters.
Will: Oh, I get it, I get it, I get it. This is a setup, right? Come on, Uncle Phil, no way. I can't let my man down.
Philip: They're floor seats, center court.
Will: You know, come to think of it, I don't even know if Jazz likes basketball.

Quote from Will

Vivian: Don't try to move the couch, Philip. Just forget the earring.
Philip: [pained] I can't.
Vivian: Why not?
Philip: Because I can't stand up.
Will: In theory, that probably means that you can't run, either. Right? Which probably makes this a pretty good time to tell you that I wore that earring to school today.
Philip: Get him, Vivian.

Quote from Geoffrey

Carlton: Well, Geoffrey, it looks like I'm all ready for the harvest dance. Tux? Check. Shoes? Check. And a pure silk, hand-stitched pocket square.
Geoffrey: Exquisite.
Will: Man, it is definitely peach season, man.
[Will places the remainder of his peach in Carlton's pocket square, which he proceeds to blow his nose with]
Carlton: Will, that's disgusting.
[Carlton picks up the pocket square with tongs]
Carlton: Would you please clean this for me, Geoffrey?
Geoffrey: I would prefer an assassin's bullet to this kind of living hell.
Will: Yo, I think G's drawers must be bunching again.

Quote from Will

Carlton: So have you got a date to the dance yet?
Will: I will when I call Claudia.
Carlton: Claudia? As in head cheerleader? Why don't you just ask Sinead O'Connor?
Will: I did, but she had to wash her hair.

Quote from Geoffrey

Dee Dee: Okay, but you know a movie I really like?
Will: What?
Dee Dee: Shaft.
Will: Shut your mouth.
Dee Dee: I'm talking about Shaft.
Will: Then we can dig it.
Geoffrey: [talks] "He's a complicated man but no one understands him but his woman." John Shaft.
Will: Thanks a lot, G. [Will and Dee Dee put straws up their noses and imitate walruses] Hey, what's up, G? You don't think that's funny?
Geoffrey: Yes. I'm about to laugh myself into a seizure.

Quote from Will

Will: I mean, I've already asked Claudia, almost.
Dee Dee: You know, right, cool.
Will: Well, you know, see, I'm still trying to get my rap together. I got as far as, "Yo, yo, baby. Yo, baby, yo."
Dee Dee: Look, I don't mean to butt in, but I'm sure her name is not Yo and I know she ain't got your baby. I mean, why don't you try something more honest like: I think you're great. I'd be honored if you'd go to the dance with me.
Will: Honest. Damn, what a concept. You know, thank you. See, you know what? Most women won't tell you stuff like that.
Dee Dee: That's cool, you know.
Will: No, really, you're different. You know, I mean, you're not afraid to just say what you think, you know or do something silly, or, you know, just bug out. That's decent. You make me feel so... Man, I don't know. So. So hungry. Hungry is what you make me. Yeah, man. I could go for a nacho refill, right? Yeah? Right, I'm gonna make this call to Claudia first though, right? You know, I mean, I don't want to forget what you said. Honest, right?
Dee Dee: Honest.

Quote from Carlton

Carlton: There's a hex on me. All the tuxes that are halfway acceptable in this town have been rented. My shoes, which I put outside for a final Scotchgarding were carried off by a Labrador retriever. What else could go wrong?
Will: How about that big old zit on your nose?
Carlton: [gasps]

Quote from Vivian

Will: You know, I don't even know why I'm making such a big deal about this. She's not even my type.
Vivian: Well, you like the same movies, same music same food, same jokes and you both enjoy sticking straws up your noses.
Will: I know, Aunt Viv, but other than that we don't have nothing in common.
Vivian: It's her weight, isn't it? You may have noticed that your Uncle Philip is overweight. [Will shakes his head] And you may also have noticed that I could care less and that I love him very, very much.
Carlton: Dad changed his mind. He doesn't want a Belgian waffle. He wants you to use his new Sandwich King to make a chili-pocket sandwich.
Vivian: I'll put some chili in his pocket.

Quote from Philip

Vivian: Philip, if you ever want to stand up straight again you need some rest.
Philip: Okay, I'll just lay here and do nothing flat on my back.
[After Vivian leaves the room, Phil jumps out of bed]
Vivian: Philip, I'm so sorry if I was... stupid enough to think that there was something really wrong with you.
Philip: Vivian, it's a miracle. I can walk!

Quote from Will

Will: Where'd you find him at? Rent-a-sucker?
Dee Dee: Look, I'm on a date, Will. You know, like when a guy who likes a girl, asks her out and they go somewhere and he still acts nice to her when they get there? You know, I do go on dates.
Will: Look, Dee Dee, I just thought that-
Dee Dee: You just thought that 'cause I'm not a size six, no one would ask me out. Well, not everyone feels like that. I mean that's just your hang-up, isn't it?
Will: Dee Dee, listen. I really like you a lot, all right?
Dee Dee: You really like being with me as long as no one thinks you're with me. I mean, I'm sorry, but that's just not good enough for me.

Quote from Carlton

Will: You know, Dee Dee I never thought I'd have you in bed on the first night.
Dee Dee: Well, I can honestly say this is the first time I've ever done this.
Man: [on TV] This clever device is probably...
Philip: I can't believe we didn't get in on that abdominizer.
Vivian: Well, that's because you couldn't decide between the chocolate gavel and the picture of the dogs playing poker.
Geoffrey: Will you two be quiet? I'm trying to hear the musical toilet seat.
Carlton: It's 12:01. Thank God this day is over. I look like I escaped from the '70s. I've spent the whole night with two guys who consider picking their faces a hobby, and I got a flat tire on the way home. I just want to sit down and pretend this never happened. And if one more thing happens to me, I'm gonna kill myself. [the bed collapses]

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