Philip: Geoffrey, would lay my clothes out for this evening and get some flowers and candy here ASAP.
Vivian: That man is on thin ice.
Geoffrey: I'll alert the fish.

Will: Good morning, Ash.
Ashley: What's good about it?
Will: What's good about it? Who did they just make assistant head counter girl at Dippity Do Dog, huh?
Ashley: Oh, please. I hate my job. It's dirty, it's demeaning, and I have to work for a bunch of ingrates.
Geoffrey: You'll get used to it.

Carlton: I'm gonna fade into the background if you don't get some highlighter on my cheekbones. Use number seven. And, blend, man, blend.

Geoffrey: Sir, there's a Mr. Joe Winters to see you.
Philip: Oh, great. I didn't know he was coming by. Well, he's the head of the Republicans for a Better Society.
Carlton: Republicans for a Better Society? You gotta get me a T-shirt.
Vivian: What's he here for?
Philip: Well, they have this crazy idea that I should become involved in politics.
Vivian: Oh, politics. That's such a dirty corrupt business filled with nothing but self-interest.
Philip: Yeah.
Carlton: Ooh. I've got goose bumps.
Philip: Well, I'm just gonna listen to him. I don't wanna be rude.
Carlton: The mark of a true politician. Tell them what they wanna hear.

Hilary: Geoffrey, what do you know about wine?
Geoffrey: I know no one does it better than you, Miss Hilary.
Hilary: I'm going out with a wine connoisseur tonight and I really want to impress him.
Geoffrey: Wear something low-cut.
Hilary: Well, duh.

Will: Miss Pemberton.
Jewel Pemberton: Don't say another word. Turn your head to the right.
Will: Should I cough or something?
Jewel Pemberton: Shh! Strong features. Oh. Good frame. Yes. Oh. Yes. Oh, and I love the ears. Don't change them. Handsome, but real. Like you were West Philadelphia born and raised. You're hired. [looks at Carlton] I'm not sure about you. But you might be right for the husky pre-teen division.
Carlton: Huh?

Will: Ah, ha, ha! Uncle Phil's in the house. Give your little nephew Willie from Philly a little huggy buggy.
Philip: Get off me.
Will: Well, well, no more running out of the house in the morning. No more trial. No more breakfast for the rest of us.
Vivian: I'm so glad the trial is over because now we can get to all those things we've been putting off.
Philip: Ah.
Will: Mm. Ha, ha. Sounds like somebody got a little booty duty, huh, Uncle Phil?

Jewel Pemberton: What kind of mineral water do you have?
Ashley: Uh, the only water we have is in that fountain over there.
Jewel Pemberton: Do I look like I drink out of the public water supply? Now, why don't you be a dear and run out and get me some Pellegrino?
Ashley: I'm sorry, I can't do that. I'm a little busy right now.
Jewel Pemberton: Do you realize you're talking to Jewel Pemberton?
Ashley: Ooh. The same Jewel Pemberton who's gonna order something off the menu or get out of the line?
Jewel Pemberton: I didn't build this country's top modeling agency by putting up with such insolence. Young lady, you will never serve lunch in this town again.
Ashley: Is that a promise?

Jewel Pemberton: Just turn your head a little to the right. You are beautiful. Your hair. Oh! Your bone structure. Your figure. Has anyone ever talked to you about modeling?
Ashley: Just this old guy that comes in here with a Polaroid.
Jewel Pemberton: How would you like to come work for Pemberton?
Ashley: Uh... What kind of water did you say you wanted?

Ashley: I got discovered today. I'm gonna be a model.
Carlton: It's not that old guy with the Polaroid, is it?