Carlton: Uh, Dad, did you sign our permission slips yet?
Philip: I'm sorry, son, I don't know what you're talking about.
Carlton: I'm talking about two weeks ago, when Will and I gave you a permission slip for our field trip this weekend. You said you'd think about it and sign it later.
Philip: It doesn't ring a bell. [Will whistles]
Carlton: Dad, you're always saying how important these opportunities are. And when they come up, you completely ignore them. It's like you don't even care.
Vivian: Philip.
Philip: Oh, pfft, I remember.
Vivian: Where are you going, baby?
Carlton: Mr. Fellows is taking the class to San Francisco to visit Mark Twain's house, and all the literary sites. I don't know. I thought it was important.
Vivian: Philip, how could you forget something like that?
Philip: I didn't forget, Vivian. Now, where did I put those permission slips?
Carlton: Dad, don't bother looking. I found it in the trash can, underneath a banana.

Will: Yo, J.
Jazz: Prince.
Carlton: Hi, roomie. That's called leaving me hanging because my hand is literally left hanging in the air.

Carlton: Oh, where do I put my things?
Jazz: Oh, let me have my butler get them. [laughs] Psych. I crack myself up. No, you can put them on the floor, but watch out for my carpet 'cause it's imported from Persia. [laughs] I could do this all day.

[Will's dream:]
Ashley: Mom, when are Carlton and Will coming home?
Vivian: They should be here any minute.
Geoffrey: Ah, these two days have just flown right by.
Vivian: Geoffrey, did you really enjoy having Will out of the house that much?
Geoffrey: The closest I'll ever get to a bonus.

Will: Carlton!
Jazz: Grab a seat, man. Dude's about to explain variable rate mortgages.

Carlton: You went home and told Mom and Dad?
Jazz: You dimed him out.
Will: Wait, I did the right thing. Carlton was acting irresponsibly.
Tiny: Carlton was acting in what? In Cosby? Prince used a school word.
Slick: You 5-0'd your own cousin.
Chuck: Yo, man, you're getting soft. Sellout.
Will: Hey, man, you're about to catch an eye jammy.
Slick: You're getting a little pale on us, ain't you?
Will: My brother, you wanna take this outside?
Jazz: Yo, yo, Prince, chill out.
Will: J, I can't let him say that stuff about me, man.
Carlton: Well, maybe now you know what it feels like.

Vivian: Will, sit down. Now, none of this would have happened if you hadn't insisted on making fun of your cousin. Now, you know for a person who's always going around saying "l wish people would let me act the way I want" you're awfully hard on Carlton.
Carlton: That was my point.
Philip: That's no excuse, Carlton. Just because Will teases you, you have to do something this foolish?
Carlton: Dad, I know it seemed foolish but I had to show him I had the courage to survive down there.
Philip: That's not courage. Courage is being the way you are, no matter what anybody says about you. Will teases me but you don't see me going, "Yo, yo, yo, homey, yo."
Carlton: There's no "yo" at the end of it. I'm pretty sure of it.
Vivian: Well, I'm glad you two had such a fun time down in the 'hood. Because we're going to have a fun time dreaming up your punishment.
Philip: Peace out.

Tiny: What's up?
Carlton: Don't mind me. I'm just here on a bet. Just give me some time to acclimate myself.
Tiny: Applegate? That sounds like a school word. I don't like school words. I can't applegate myself to them.
Carlton: That's very funny.
Tiny: It ain't supposed to be.
Carlton: Sorry.
Tiny: I don't like you.
Carlton: Well, that's kind of a snap decision, isn't it? You've hardly had time to form an opinion. [Tiny grabs Carlton] Oh, that's real mature.

Chuck: Yo, my brother, want to buy a Gucci bag?
Hilary: No, thanks. My sister already has about eight of them.
Chuck: $20.
Carlton: I'm really not-
Chuck: $2.
Carlton: I don't really need-
Chuck: 50 cents.
Carlton: What are you talking about?
Chuck: 20 cents.
Carlton: 20 cents? That's not really a Gucci bag, is it?
Chuck: Yeah, well, maybe it is. Maybe it ain't.
Carlton: All right, look, homey. You're never going to sell bags that way. Now, maybe if you went out and bought a well-tailored suit and lost the earring, then you'd look like a real salesman. And that grammar. Sheesh!
Carlton: What?
Chuck: Are you trying to suggest that I don't know how to run my business?

Will: I don't know, Jazz. I just feel bad for Carlton, man. What does he know about living in the 'hood? I just spent half the ride trying to convince him not to say, "Dyn-o-mite." I just feel like I'm tossing him to the lions or something. You know what I mean?
Jazz: The Detroit Lions still got those cheerleaders?
Will: Open the door, man.