Red: Today was a total disaster. I didn't sell one muffler and I drove a dozen customers into the hands of my competition. If I were a younger, more flexible man, I'd shove my foot up my own ass.

Donna: Jackie, have you realized who fits every single thing on your list?
Jackie: Yeah, Elton John! And I think he's single, 'cause you never see him out with a girl.

Bob: Red, I just heard some bad news, I ran over to tell you.
Red: Bob, you live next door, why are you panting?
Bob: I was going against the wind.