Red: Have you been in bed all day?
Eric: Yeah, I have. I've been reading the Jack Kerouac classic On The Road. See, as I see it, why get out of bed when you can read about people who got out of bed?
Red: You have got to be the laziest non-communist I've ever met. And you are about to read a book that my foot wrote. It's called On The Road To In Your Ass.

Fez: You told me you wanted to tell Hyde that you still love him and you wanted him back.
Jackie: Yeah, well, it's obvious he doesn't want me back. So you better not tell him what I said or I'll be humiliated.
Fez: My lips are a seal's.
Kelso: Wait, don't you mean that your lips are sealed?
Fez: I'm not hearing the difference.

Kitty: He just wants you to have some direction and so do I. And you are in luck because I got the new issue of Cosmo.
Eric: Oh, well, I'm just not sure I need seven new ways to please my man.
Kitty: No. No. Honey, it's a job aptitude test. Okay, question number one. "Do you consider yourself creative?"
Eric: Well...
Kitty: Yes. You were a little wiz at macaroni art. "Do you prefer to work alone or with others?"
Eric: Alone.
Kitty: Nope, you love people. Okay, question three. "Do you..." Oh, that's easy.
Eric: Look, Mom, I'm happy just enjoying my world. I'm like an explorer. I'm exactly like Christopher Columbus. Except, you know, I've been incredibly distracted by television.
Kitty: Okay. All done. Now, according to your answers, you should be a nurse!